minds

part 20

do you know what it's like thinking about a world without you? it's like you're on your tippy toes and you could float away any second, that's how quick life is.

just imagine everything and everyone you've ever loved, didn't even know that you existed. i almost didn't exist, thanks to joey.

i stood outside of the mental hospital with a bag in my hand and a back pack on my back. joey was by my side and doing the same thing as me, looking at it.

he sighs and looks at me, forcing a smile on his face. "do you have everything you need?" he asked.

"yes." i say, nodding my head.

"are you sure? did you forget like any socks?makeup at least?" he says, listing things that i already have. "what about-"

i cut him off before he listed anymore. "yes joey, i have everything." i said.

he nodded his head slowly and put his hands in his pockets. i looked at his hazel eyes and saw hurt in them as they shined from the setting sun.

i looked at the sky and smiled. "you know," i say, "this is my favorite time of the day."

he looked at me and raised his eyebrows. "how?"

i shrugged as he looked at the sky too. "if you look at it from my point of view, this is the most peaceful time of the day. the sun is doing its own thing and just looks like it's so relaxed." i said.

he ran his hands through his hair and nodded. "i mean if you put it like that it sounds cool."

i chuckled and agreed with him. "i know right. it helps me calm down if i'm ever stressed, that's why i go on my roof." i say.

i looked at joeys shoes as i looked down. as the time is going by, i'm realizing that it's getting closer for me to leave. this is probably going to be the longest 5 days of my life.

the breeze blew my long black locks of hair in my face as we stood there together in silence. sometimes i forget that me and joey are fake dating but other times i regret even agreeing to it.

it's just something about him that makes me feel different; perhaps because this "relationship" isn't even real and never will be real. it's hard to know the fact that people don't really know what going on and it's stressful.

"clem?" he says, blankly.

"yeah?" i asked, moving my head up to look at him.

"why'd you do it?" he asked me, tilting his head and taking a step forward towards.

"what do you mean?" i say, but know exactly what he means.

i don't want to talk about this now when i'm about to leave. i don't really want to talk about this at all if i'm being quite honest.

he took my arm and held it up, showing it to me like i didn't know what was on it. "you could've died, clem. you could've left your family, your friends, and...even me." he says, letting go of my arm on the last part.

"but i didn't." i said. "and why do you care? we aren't even a real thing so why you making it a big deal." i say, taking a step back from him.

stay calm clementine, stay calm

"you don't get it, do you?" he says shaking his head and looking down.

"get what?" i asked, arching my eye brow.

"people care about you, in fact a lot." he says, looking at me dead in the eyes.

"oh yeah? if a lot of people care about me then where are they? where's the people who hit up my phone just to check up on me, huh? because i want to know." i say, fighting the urge let the tears fall down my cheeks.

"my mom and dad literally left me home alone for weeks, my best friend doesn't even care about me anymore and-" he cut of off by groaning really loud out frustration.

"oh my gosh!" he says.

i felt hot streams of water come from my eyes and go down my cheeks. i took a step forward again and pushed onto his chest, making him stumble back a little bit. "and you always make me feel like shit, joey. from day one you wanted to use me just so you could prove a point to your friends." i said with a louder tone.

"i-"

"am i right?" i say, knowing that i am right.

he scratched the back of his neck and slightly nodded. "y-yeah."

i rolled my eyes at him and took out my phone as i looked at the time, 6:00. i picked up my bag and started to walk towards the door.

"so you're going to leave like this?" i hear joey say from afar.

i stopped at my tracks and turned around, looking at him standing there without me. "why don't you go find yourself a new fake girlfriend while i'm gone?"

"but-"

"i'm pretty sure there's so many girls at our school that will kill to have my place, joey. maybe you should give them a chance because they've probably been waiting for a long time while i was forced to do this." i say, making sure he hears every single word.

"clem."

i turned back around and put my hand on the door handle of the mental hospital. i pushed the door and look back at joey one more time. "bye, joey."