The Letters that were marked with a heart

the funeral (Lea's mothers Pov)

Everyone is quiet. Lea is in a black dress and holding Max's hand. We all take a slow deep breath and leave for Pandora's house before the funeral. We talk on the way there about memories. "I still remember when you were little girls playing sharks in the stream, and you cut your knee open on a rock. Pandora helped you back to the house that day. She was a kind, strong girl with a heart of gold and she will be missed by those who knew her." I see tears in their eyes and mine are the same but today is about remembering the good. "wipe those tears away Cleo, today is about the celebration of life as much as anything else. It will be hard but saying goodbye always is. You'll be alright with time. Time heals the most grotesque of wounds. It will be okay, maybe not today or tomorrow but soon. You just have to have faith and hope. Life is shit, there's no hiding that fact its what you do about that, that matters." I smile at her, I have tears in my eyes but I'm staying strong for the kids. I understand that feeling, being scared of what could happen. In the hospital that day we all stood and hoped but it was for nothing, it was made worse a week or so later because Josh's birthday was then and it was another reminder that they were both gone. And my little girl came in everyday with tears in her eyes for the first week or so. Until Dodge walked her home, that is when I knew. That he loved her and that she loved him, I saw it at that moment and now walking with them I know that I was right.

The air is cold and harsh, it is threatening to rain. And yet we are all walking to Pandora's house. It seems like forever since Josh's and Greyson's funerals. As well as Barney. It's been a year, it was a year ago in February. And I miss their smiles, their laughs. The way they acted, how we felt as a family. They would love Lea the way she is but they never got to see that. And Quinn used to hang out with Josh on Thursday night, I'm pretty sure he asked to hang out in the house to see Lea. I guess that's how it goes. Then Dodge and Lea cane home in the rain and I saw a spark in her eyes, something bright in her life. And I knew he was the one for her. Walking with them now I hug them into me one on either side of me. "We will be okay, I promise." Lea nods into my chest.

"Chin up, remember this is about celebrating her life." And we walk in. It's not that long before we have to leave for the service. Each person has a speech, even me. Mine is the shortest, of the close list. The school has had its service already, it was yesterday. And Lea came home crying again and Dodge put on her favourite movie and snuggled her into her bed. And stayed with her until she fell asleep. I made them hot chocolate and cookies which Dodge took in and I knew they needed space so I watched the ballet DVD I had of how to start. I am starting classes next week. "The cars are here so everyone leaving by hearse, please wait in here everyone else go out to your cars and get ready to follow." I feel this swelling in my heart as I see the coffin, "we can go in another one if you can't do it, Lea." But she gets in with Dodge and me. Josie and Simon and her parents are in the other one. Sat in front of us is Justin and Audrey, the two of them are already tearing up. And Lea is teary-eyed too.

By the time we get there, there is a picture of Pandora at the front. 'Pandora the angel that walked among us. May she rest in peace.' I know this is supposed to help but it makes me nervous because if a lovely girl like her could struggle so much then anyone could, I feel sick. "Are you okay Mum?" Lea chirps, my eyes go and I am crying. "I am okay Cleo, now let's get to our seats." I can't tell you how sweet Pandora was, how hard that angel must have thought to stay around but she is where she belongs now. Halo and all. The church is small and I feel this breeze around me like a nod, keep going P you are doing great. So many people have been lost in the past few years and there is nothing we can do, life must go on. Angels walk among us and they are everywhere, so make sure you look out for them. Keep them glowing bright and tell them how you feel. I know that we have readings from all of the kids, and I feel Lea and Dodge squeeze each other's hands then Lea squeezes mine. "I don't know if I can do this mum." she whispers quietly. "You can do anything you put your mind to my Queen of lions." I whisper back and she nods wiping away her tears and grasping the piece of paper she has written on like it's her Savior from death itself. She walks to the front and stands in front of Pandora's coffin. And she looks beautiful and strong. "My best friend was the one person who I never thought would leave, not Pandora. She was an angel, kind towards everyone and I can't think of someone who deserved the pain she went to any less than she did. It's been one of the most devastating weeks of my life and I will never forget the memories I have made or the people who have and will support me to grow past this. You see we all see the sadness in someone's eyes but we don't question it. Regardless I think the one lesson I have learnt from my best friend is making the most of every day and live life to the fullest because it can be over so quickly. Tell your friends, parents and siblings you love them and never let them forget that. That will give you strength and you will never feel alone not completely. At the beginning of this journey, I was dreading this day when I would stand here with her. It means she really is with the angels, that she is at peace. There have been good parts, meeting my now-boyfriend, seeing friendships form and most of all relieving those happy memories. But there have been lows too, that is life. The roller coaster that has no off switch, but don't jump out my sweet it isn't your time yet. Things will get better, you'll find your feet. You will stand again, and it's hard but it always will be. And we have each other to help us through those rainy days, so help those around you. Don't let another angel slip through the cracks. My best friend loved me and I loved her, she was bright. My best friend taught me so much and I wish the was here to tell me that I'm being Sappy Lionheart. Because my best friend will never leave me not completely she lives in my heart. And I'll never forget her. Goodbye Pandora I hope you are happy and at peace." Lea looks at her coffin and I know that more tears are flowing from her eyes as she approaches her seat. "You did great Cleo. I'm so proud of you." I hug her tight and I don't want to let go.

Then Simon and Josie go up, they both look older than they did on Sunday. "My cousin was a bright young girl. She didn't know where she was going in life and I think the pressure got to her in the end. I would like to think that she is happy now. That she is giggling and smiling. And that she is at peace with all she left behind and I hope that we will be moving forward." She cries, then Simon holds her shoulder and speaks up. "I may not have had the closest relationship to Pandora but I knew that she was a lovely girl and that she would have gone far in life. And I hope that she is happy, and someday we will be too." He wraps his arms around her and guides her back to her seat.

Then Dodge gets up, "We all wish we could have saved her but Pandora didn't need saving any more than she needed a prince to keep her sane. She was independent and helped everyone around her. She was an angel and she helped me find the one person who I needed more than oxygen itself. And I have never been happier but I wish she was still here to see us all. But I know that she is up there with the other angels smiling down on us. To the girl who showed us all how to make the world brighter by being there, the girl who we will all miss dearly and the girl who taught me what real love is. I wish I could change that I did but I know you forgave me. That last day was a day I wish I could change but I hope you are happy now." Then his eyes flicker and Lea is crying again I tuck her under my arms and hope that Dodge is her forever because they both deserve to be happy and I love him. He is like a son to me already.

Pandora's mother stands up to read Pandora's favourite poem;
"Res-o-lu-tion by Lumi Lightsgate
Hold me through the thickest smoke,
Don't just say goodbye.
Don't just run when I cry.
Don't just give me a poke or make a joke.

Give me a rainbow,
To get me through every low.
Be my umbrella In the rain
My overflow drain
When I'm flooding out.
Because that is what we are all about.

Build me up into a skyscraper,
Help me stand when I'm weak.
Hear me when I can't speak.
Help me through every caper.
And be my resolution.
To every problem I face.

When my wings slip,
Hold me up to the heavens.
And help me flip
It all around.
Help me make sense of all this sound.

Baby, only you can turn this around.
But you are up there,
And I am here and you are not around.
And I am your ship to steer.

Now I crash upon the rocks.
No more safe docks.
I'll see you soon enough.
Through easy and the rough.
You will be my resolution."

And then we all say our goodbyes I wait outside then we stroll through the town and past the fountain. "I think we need a minute mum. We will meet you back at home." I walk away thinking about all that had changed how they had grown over the week. And I knew we would all be okay. After all, we all have our problems and we all get better. We all have to move forwards. And we will.