The Letters that were marked with a heart

letter 6 (Josie's pov)

(shops 17th Josie)

'Hey,
It's me again, and I'm saying that I'm sorry because if you read this because that means I'm gone. And that fact will pull at your heartstrings and drag you down. But I want you to all be happy, we all have bad days but don't let them rule your life. That was my first mistake. My second was thinking you were better off with me there. I just want to rest, 24/7 I am fighting everything and it's exhausting. I can't sleep or eat because that voice is always there, dragging me back down the winding rabbit hole and I can't crawl out my arms are so weak. It's too fucking much. I'm crying now, I don't know why. I know this is going to hurt all of you but I can't cling on any longer. All the lights have gone out and the tunnel is blocked at the other end. I have to go, I can't explain why but I need to. It's not long until the end now. And I'm not scared to leave, I just want everything to fade away. The song bring me back to life is beautiful, it's about death. I'll see you all in heaven, I can't wait until then. I love you, my friends. And I want you to remember me if it lets you be happy. If it hurts then forget me, and be happy. And Josie find love, you deserve to be happy. No matter who it is with. 😁
Lots of love from
Pandora'

Leona is crouching next to Fiona in the forest and comforting her. I knew about what happened, Pandora didn't. Dodge found her by the edge of the forest that night. And he later found the body. There are some things that are better left unsaid. Like how Dodge thought he was joking at first and lifted him up only to see that he was pale. So ghostly and I was watching on a video chat with Leona and I hung up after that. After those hard months, Pandora struggled but she didn't want to bring anyone else down. Not her brother, her friends or her family. It takes a certain kind of person to be like that. To think they are freeing those around them instead of hurting them.

You see, there is nothing I can do. Nothing I look down and I know she is gone. A tear drips down and others follow. Simon takes me to the side and hugs me. It will be okay he says. I- I don't know what to think though. I can see flowers fighting through the soil amongst the nettles, flowers have always been my favourite things to look at but they seem duller now. Pandora's favourite was always birds, the idea of freedom in flight, it fascinated her. She wanted to escape in a way, to fly free from the monotony of her daily life and feel alive. That meant dying in her case, but it never had to be that way. In fact, I wish she had said something. Just anything, but she kept it all in. Now the tears are flowing, I'm crying onto Simon's chest and he just holds me steady. We drop to the floor and I keep going until my eyes are stinging and red. Then we sit looking at the trees around us, and Simon plucks an oxeye Daisy and tucks it behind my left ear, "You are a beautiful, Strong girl swan. You will make it through this, I promise." His eyes are so vivid that I get pulled in but I have to move away. "Is something wrong?" He asks but I look away, not today. Lion is cheering me on but I can't, telling him is impossible. "It's nothing. (Translation: I love you, why can't you see that?)" I can't look at him and he is confused about why.

I met Simon last month, at the shops on the 17th. Pandora was there. I was sad because no one ever asked me out because I was small and quiet. I guess everyone assumed I was already in a relationship with someone, but I wasn't. Simon was the first boy to help me up after I slipped over, which happens more than it should, I slipped on a wet patch by the feminine adult store and went straight in much to my and his embarrassment. He helped me up and asked if I was okay, I said yeah I'm fine. And he asked what my number was, I told him and he said I'm Simon. I said I'm Josie, Pandora's cousin. Then Pandora came out of the cafe and saw us talking, "Hello Simon, what are you doing here?" He nervously smiled and replied shopping, "Oliver's party is later tonight and as his best friend I have to get the decorations and a present, of course, it is his birthday." Pandora smiled and replied same, "it's going to be wicked," they said but I could see the sadness in her eyes. I was looking forward to Oliver's 16th though it was a hectic night and a lot of drama took place that night. Pandora was good at white lies she always was, I always thought she would make an amazing actress she could fool practically everyone except Leo and me. I went to that party to see Simon again, but now I wish I never had. Because that was one of her final days, the 17th.