Present

3.1

Audrey 

As we left, I tugged on the crochet detailed hem of my lavender dress. Gwen shot me a look that said cut it out, but I couldn't help my nerves. I was about to pretend to be just friends with the love of my life in front of her family, who I so desperately wanted to like me. It wasn't fair, but I knew there was nothing I could say to change it.

It was a conversation that i tried to have with Gwen a million times. Gwen came from a religious family who delighted in the fact she had never had a boyfriend. When she was in high school other girls were getting caught hooking up with the guys they swore they were in love with after a week, but Gwen was the perfect child in her parents eyes. But they couldn't see past the facade they had all created. Her oblivious parents were always under the impression that their sweet, can-do-no-wrong daughter was having movie nights at her friends' houses while the troublemakers were out at a party in a field somewhere. In reality, Gwen was probably never just friends with any of them.

"Get out of your head, Audrey. It's going to be fine." Gwen coaxed. "We aren't going to be with them all day, just for church and then we're free from their charade."

I glanced over at her as we strolled toward the door. Gwen was stunning in an emerald green dress that cinched at her tiny waist and flared out, accentuating the curve of her hip. I followed her out the door with a sigh.

"I just hate being in this situation. We both would be happier if we didn't have to hide from them. They know we spend all of our time together anyway and it would be less of a shock to tell them sooner rather than later." I beat her to the car and climbed into the drivers side.

Gwen climbed into the passenger side and reached across to grab my hand before I could put the key in the ignition. "Relax, please. I know this isn't ideal and I know hiding our relationship from my family doesn't make either of us happy. But I need their support still, I can't do it on my own like you do. One day, I promise."

I nodded in agreement. She was right. Despite being unhappy I needed to take a step back and think about what would be beneficial for us, for her, in the end. There's no reason to shove a hardship on her before she needs to deal with it. I could wait for a while, we have our entire lives ahead of us.

I start the car as Gwen lets go of my hand and buckles herself in. My mind drifts toward a happier time as I pull out of the parking lot. It feels like a million years from now. We have college degrees, and jobs. I'm working from home as an editor for a publishing firm and Gwen is a paralegal at the firm down the road. were living downtown, right in the heart of the city in a loft above a local business.

In the mornings gwen gets out of bed before me to start the coffee and I crawl out of bed minutes later to let the hot water of the shower wake my tired body. When I get out of the shower I slip into my robe and wander to the kitchen for coffee and kiss Gwen on the cheek as I reach to pull my own mug from the white cabinets. We murmur good morning to each other, enveloped by the silence that is only broken by the birds that dwell in the trees planted in small circles on the sidewalk. THe sun shines through the sheer curtains and illuminates Gwen's face. Her freckles dance across her pale skin, her undereyes are missing the light purple cast that college had once plagued them with.

In the evenings, we make dinner together. One of us makes the main dish while the other tackles the sides. We glide around each other in the kitchen, only ever bumping hips or brushing arms occasionally. But Gwen turns to me and crabs the bowl from my hands and I am jolted back to reality --

Gwens hand is on the wheel, jerking it to the side and jerkily guiding the car onto the shoulder of the road as my foot automatically shifts to the brak and pressed down, hard. We jerk forward, the seatbelts tightening against our chests to prevent us from hitting the dash.

The car in from of us is now beside us and then in a few seconds continues to drive on ahead. The gears begin to click in my head. The car, Gwen grabbing the wheel. I had to have been going too fast. My heart pound with the fear of what could've happened.

"Gwen, are you okay?" My voice shakes as I put the car in park to gather myself.

"I'm fine," Gwen ran a hand through her curly hair. "What the hell happened?"

"I don't know, I just wasn't paying attention and they hit their brakes, and I just didn't." I leaned forward and rested my forehead on the steering wheel.

"Just be more careful next time," I could hear the frustration in her voice.

I sat up and nodded. "I'm sorry, love."

Gwen was silent as I took a breath and drove back onto the road.