Present

11.2

Audrey

Less than ten minutes later, I took a step through the classroom door. I was several minutes early, and the only people that had shown up so far were the kids that sat in the front row (who never got anything less than a perfect score on their papers) and Professor Young. She was standing at the front of the room, shuffling through her discussion notes. Her classes were rarely lectures. Instead, we primarily focused of bouncing ideas off each other. Nearly all of my English classes were set up this way, no one would focus or learn anything if a teacher droned on about the skills we would need as writers or the themes in whichever passage we read. They let us figure it out for ourselves.

Professor Young looked up at me. "Audrey, it's so good to see you. Welcome back."

"Thank you," I said. I took my seat right in the middle of the room. I preferred to stay in the middle in my classes, in true neutral territory. The front row was always for those who read the material before the book list for the class was even released and the back rows were always for those who probably never bought the book to begin with and were praying to not be called on. I didn't mind joining the discussion, but I didn't want to lead it or hide from it.

Professor Young, however, spared me from talking during this class almost as if she were trying to ease me back into the normal world. I sat at my desk and scribbled notes furiously, knowing I was already behind enough. A week was a long time and a lot of lost material, and I would not have been able to catch up no matter how many times I read it on my own. I was jumping on an already running treadmill, trying not to lose my footing.

At the end of class, everyone filed out, but Professor Young stepped over to my desk before I could rise.

"How are you doing?" Why did everyone have to ask me that? I felt like a robot, always responding with the same things because it was too uncomfortable to tell them that my life had fallen apart and I had no idea how to pick up the pieces. Gwen was always the one to do that, to fix things.

I shrugged, "I'm surviving."

"I know the rest of the semester isn't going to be easy, traumatic events often make it hard to focus," Professor Young said gently. "You have a support system here, Audrey. The entire department adores you and will help you succeed in any way you need. And please, don't forget that you have access to free counseling, as a student."

I forgot about that. It was one of the many perks of Barnette University, they drive you to the brink of insanity with school work, and patch the band aid with free counseling on campus.

"My door is always open," she finished.

"I know, Professor Young," I muttered. "I'm just trying to get my footing. I'm just feeling a little lost."

"As you should, what happened changed everything and we don't always adapt well to drastic changes. Especially when those changes are losing someone you care about."

"Someone I love," I corrected without meeting her eyes. "I loved her more than anything, she wasn't just some fling."

"I know," Professor Young said quietly. "I know how much you both meant to each other. A relationship like yours is incredibly unique, some would even say once in a lifetime."

That didn't give me hope. "Things are never going to be normal again, will they?"

"No, I'm afraid not." Professor Young looked up at the clock. "Things will be normal, one day. But it will be a new normal, nothing like the one you had before. What matters is that we grow and adapt, no matter how long it takes."

At that moment, the door to the classroom opened and the next student paused when she noticed us. "I'm sorry . . " The student stammered.

"Its fine," Professor Young smiled. "We're just finishing up. Please, come in."

"Thank you, Professor," I said. "I appreciate it."