Hotel {L.S.}

Chapter 4

I shot awake, gulping down breathes of air. I covered my face and attempted to calm down the whines that were escaping my covered mouth. I bit the sleeve of my hoodie and begged my breathing to even out, for my mind to stop racing.

"Hmm?" Louis hummed as he started walking up. "Haz, what's wrong?" He sat up and stared at me while he was waking up.

I shook my head and covered my face. I felt him move and sit besides me, wrapping his arms around me. I held onto one of his arms, shaking slightly. "I'm sorry."

"Hey, hey, no," he mumbled tiredly. "You're okay. It was just a dream."

"I didn't mean to wake you up. I just-" I stuttered and stumbled through the words and Louis kissed the side of my head.

"Calm down," he whispered. "It was just a dream. Lay down."

I shook my head again. "I won't fall back asleep."

"Then I guess we'll need coffee then," Louis said through a yawn.

"Go back to sleep. I'll be okay, but you shouldn't stay up just because of me." I rubbed my face and sighed.

I felt Louis shrug. I looked up at him and he was smiling at me. "I'm literally not doing anything tomorrow. I can risk being tired and not sleeping. We can watch tv or something and if we fall back asleep then we do."

Louis let go of me as he reached for the remote. I wrapped my arms around myself, putting my head on my knees. Louis rubbed my back then pulled me to him. "Its okay, Haz."

I closed my eyes, pushing my head into his chest. I needed to try to distract myself, but I was only in my head, replaying all of the events over and over.

"Harry," Louis whispered. "Calm down. You're okay." I heard a small click and when I looked up, I saw that one of the lamps were on. "What was your dream about?"

I looked down as soon as he asked the question. "It was... nothing, don't worry about it."

"Tell me," he whispered. "I want to know."

I took a deep breath as Louis kissed the side of my head. "Remember I said something about conversion therapy?"

He shook his head and pulled me to him more. "I can't believe your parents did that. There's a reason that's not allowed now."

"I know," I whispered. "But it keeps me in line."

"It shouldn't. You have no line to follow. It's not okay that you can't be you and that you're like, worried all the time." Louis sighed. "They shouldn't be doing this to you."

I shrugged, picking at the blanket. "I knew this would have happened. I knew they were homophobic and I still did it."

"There shouldn't be a punishment for that," Louis whispered. "I mean, they should be happy because at least you're not trying to be with every girl you meet, or get them pregnant or anything else."

"They want me to have kids. They want-"

"Harry, look at me. Stop worrying about what they want. You are important. You constantly deal with yourself. What do you want?"

"I don't know," I said after a stretch of silence. "I don't even know."

"Yes, you do," Louis told me. "You know exactly what you want. Don't be afraid to tell me."

I rested my head on his shoulder. "What do you want to know?"

"Everything. Even if it seems unrealistic, I want to know everything you want to do with your life." When I hesitated to start talking Louis continued. "What did you want to do when you were a kid?"

"Lawyer. Superhero, singer." I brushed my finger tips along his arm. "I wanted to help people in some way and I still do, but I just don't know how well I'm gonna be able to do that."

"You're on the right track, alright? Before your parents started trying to tell you what you should want, how did you picture growing up?"

I pressed my lips together. "Since I was like twelve," I started slowly. Don't say it. Don't say it. You're making it real. You're making it real and then you can't go back. "I wanted to have like a medium size house and be happy every morning when I looked outside at the green grass and the kids from the neighborhood playing in the street."

"Who do you picture with you?" He asked softly.

I shrugged. I knew exactly what I wanted, but that never meant it was going to happen. "This stays between us?" I asked quietly.

Louis nodded. "It stays between us."

"Promise?"

"I promise. I'm a safe zone for you."

I took a deep breath. "I'm not bi. I just say that because it makes it easier to pretend. I never liked girls, even when I was little. It just... I didn't get why everyone liked them."

"Breathe, breathe," he reminded. "You're okay. There's nothing wrong with that."

"There is. There's so much wrong." Louis had seen more of me in less than twelve hours than Luke did in seven months.

"No, there isn't. Why is it wrong to love a guy?"

"That's not what was intended-"

"No, from you, why is it wrong?"

"Its not," I whispered after a long pause.

"Exactly. It's. Not. Wrong," Louis emphasized. He shifted us so that he could actually look at me. "If there is anything that comes out of this," Louis whispered, "I want it to be that you control your life. Anything you truly want is not wrong."

I nodded slowly, looking up at him. "You probably hate me."

"Why would I hate you?" Louis asked, touching my cheek softly.

"You barely know me, I'm a mental case waiting to happen. I'm just... I'm a mess. I wouldn't blame you if you did, Niall can barely put up with me."

"I don't hate you. I'm not even close to hating you. I don't know everything, but from the sounds of it, you need a lot of reassurance and no one's giving you that. But I'm here for you now. Even when we go back to our houses, I'm literally gonna always be texting you."

I smiled more, glancing down. "So I'm not the only insane one?"

"Nope. You're not the only one."