Future Days

Stargazer

"Syd, you lied to me!" I heard Chris' muffled shout through the door as I came up the stairs with rooster on my trail.

"Don't get your panties in a bunch, ya big baby." I placed two mugs of freshly pressed coffee on my coffee table and patted the cushion next to me calling Chris to come sit.

"If the smell of the heavenly aroma of the fresh coffee I just made for you wont get you out of bed, then maybe this will." I pulled out a couple of joints I had rolled earlier this morning. I need to get Chris to open up to me so I'm pulling out the only tricks I have left up my sleeve.

"You sure know how to get a man out of bed." Chris said in a husky morning voice, taking his seat next to me before swiping a joint out of my hand and putting it between his lips sparking up his lighter and setting the tip on fire.

I watched his naked chest rise as he inhaled and held his breath laying his head back on the couch before effortlessly exhaling. "So, guess we need to talk, huh?" He grumbled as he passed the joint to me.

"I'd like to, if you're up to it. I just..I-I have a lot of questions and I can't think of anyone who knew him better than you." My voice was weak and uneasy.

Chris pauses for a moment, sipping from his coffee and taking another lung filling hit. "I told you from the beginning you had this spark and familiarity about you that I just couldn't put my finger on. You drew me in and I knew you were supposed to enter my life that day..Now that all the pieces are put together, it makes so much fucking sense."

I sat in silence not wanting to disrupt him, fearful he'd change his mind about talking about Andy.

"You look up at me the same way he used to, you know? And that spark that I love so much in you, he had too. He had this way of having the total spotlight without any effort. He was funny, sarcastic, a bit of an asshole, and the sweetest human being I had ever met. Until I met you, anyway. He knew when to start the party and he knew when it was time to just be with each other."

Chris took another hit, and sighed as he exhaled. "When Andy died, he was a different person. The heroin had consumed him for months before it took him. The guys and I, Andy's mom, we all begged him to get clean. If not for us, then for his career that was just blowing up. He had so much talent and love to give and he gave it all to...her, and heroin."

"Chris, did he...did he know about me?"

"I don't think he did, Syd. He never said anything to me about it. He and Chloe were always either getting high and fucking or fighting and fucking. They were toxic together. She was toxic for him. One night the Soundgarden guys and I came back to Andy and my apartment to have some beers and unwind after a show but when we walked in Andy was sitting on the couch completely unresponsive and sweating a cold sweat. If we hadn't gotten him to the hospital that night he would've died then. He promised us he'd get clean. He admitted himself into a rehab facility and stayed for three weeks before checking himself out. Chloe picked him up from rehab and he was high again by time she brought him back home."

Chris' voice had so much underlying anger in his voice. Anger mixed with pure, unfiltered pain.

"Who did she tell you your father was, Syd?" Chris' eyes finally looked into mine and I could see them glossing over.

"It changed a few times. When I was a kid she just told me she didn't know who he was, just a quick fuck one night. As I got older it changed to him being a junkie that didn't want me so he left. I was always angry at him for leaving us. Leaving me with her, but more so I was sad. Watching my friends growing up having their parents and complaining when their mom or dad wanted this or that from them, or to call them and let them know they were safe every now and then, it was the hardest for me. I envied it. My mom never cared where I was or if I was okay, until she got with this guy named Mark.
Chris, she let him do things to me...She let him use me like I was a piece of meat, so she could get high. When I turned seventeen I moved to California with a guy who turned out to be just another monster-"