Change on the Fly ➸ Sidney Crosby [ON HOLD]

Sixteen | Doubt

≫ Everly - Monday, February 1, 2016 ≪

It was blistering cold out, but it was welcomed this morning. There was something about the cold air that brought along a certain kind of clarity to my thinking. It was early still, the sun wasn't to come up for another hour and a half. I have never been, am not, and will never be a morning person. I love sleep more than anything or anyone on this earth, Sidney included. But since my injury, a full night's rest has been harder and harder to come by.

The glisten of the holiday season has long been faded, my family has returned to work from their holiday breaks, and Sidney was knee-deep in a playoff run, leaving little time for himself, let alone me. I was left to my own devices and there were next to none to be left to. I had read every book that both Sidney and I had in our possession, watched what felt like all of the makeup tutorials on Youtube, and even attempted to remake some of Julia Child's classic recipes. Not being able to skate was driving me to the brink of insanity and boredom.

Behind me, I could hear the back door creak open and then quickly shut. I listened as Sidney's sleepy body shuffled across his back yard over to where I was sitting with my back to him. He leaned over the back of the pool lounge I had wandered over to this morning and pressed a warm kiss to the side of my face.

He shoved a warm mug into my chilled hands before sitting down into the chair next to me. He sighed, took a sip from his mug, and then closed his eyes as he settled himself into the metal chair.

For a long time, we were quiet, the only sounds being of the cold wind blowing around us and the pool cover rustling in the wind.

"Why are you awake?" I asked quietly, causing him to open his eyes and look at me.

He sighed. "I rolled over and you weren't there," I turned back to watching the trees swaying in front of me.

We sat quietly for another bout, in fact, we were quiet for so long that I was nearly halfway done with my coffee by the time Sidney broke the silence. "So, are you ready to fess up?"

"To what?" I asked, playing dumb with him.

He scoffed. "Don't play coy with me, Everly Grace," Clearly, Sidney is not a morning person either. "I know when something is bothering you. You're tossing and turning all night, you've been up before 6 pretty much every morning since your injury, you're not eating normally, and you've been in a mood since I've been back from my road trip." I exhaled heavily. "I'm worried about you. Did I-" He sighed. "Did I do something wrong?" He asked, his voice soft.

"No! Sid, no! I-I'm fine."

He laughed sadly, shaking his head at me. "You didn't even believe that yourself. Now, what is bothering you?"

I sighed. "Sid, not being able to skate has driven me to the brink of insanity."

"Oh, honey,"

"I have been skating since I was three, Sidney. I know nothing but figure skating. I have never, until this past year, not been able to skate whenever I wanted. Two injuries within a year is a lot to deal with, mentally and physically." I sighed. "I don't know, I guess," I paused, rolling the next words around on my tongue with hesitation. "Maybe, it's too much? Maybe it's time for me to hang 'em up."

Sidney was quiet for a minute, letting the realization of what I had just said set in. It was a lot to take in and if he had said the same to me, I would have been just as stunned. Even I was shocked. Sure, I had been tossing the idea of retiring around in my head for weeks now, but saying it out loud made it feel like a real, plausible idea. "How long have you been thinking about this?" He asked incredulously.