Lonely

6

Demi

Wilmer was currently cleaning my wounds as I laid down on our king sized bed the tension in the air was evident and the silence was painful. "Wilmer I'm-" I was cut off by him standing to his feet. "I don't want to hear it, you're sorry I know Demi" his tone filled with irritation. He huffed in frustration as he put the first aid kit away before going to his closet and looking for his pajamas. "Wilmer please say something" I pleaded my voice just above a whisper. He took off his current button up his back muscles flexing showing how toned he was our gym membership clearly paying off. "I don't know how much harder I can try Demi I've been doing everything I can...you're forgetting that you're not the only one who lost a baby it was mine too but you know  what I've put it all aside for you because I want this marriage to work, I want you but I'm fucking hurting to dammit!" he was teary eyed as he turned around storming out of the room slamming the door behind him. I flinched at the noise and slummed back against the headboard I suddenly felt like the most selfish person in the world. I had been so focused on my pain and the things he did that I wasn't there for him like a wife should've been. I took a deep breath crawled out of the bed slowly slowing my pride as I opened the door to go find my husband and apologize for how I had been acting. 

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Wilmer

I covered myself up as I laid in the guest bedroom a sigh escaping my lips. I understand she's upset with me and just about everything that's been going on but she doesn't realize I blame myself for the loss of our child and the way she's been feeling, I did what I vowed I never would do to anyone let alone the woman I loved more than anything in the world. I felt horrible for everything and Demi just wasn't helping then after tonight I didn't know what to do she hadn't done that in years so it never crossed my mind that she would. My train of thought was interrupted by a small knock on the door then Demi shuffling in closing the door behind her. She came over crawling under the covers sitting beside me. She took a shaky breath and bit her lip gently the way she always did when she was nervous or something was bothering her. "You're right okay.....I've been a complete bitch to you and I haven't been here like I should've. I could've set my pride aside for a little while to be here as a supportive wife I'm sorry Wilmer..." She was looking at her hands picking at her nails gently as she spoke in a soft voice. I looked to her hands she still wasn't wearing her wedding ring she had taken it off the day I told her and said she would put it back on if I earned her trust. 

I nodded gently "I know you didn't mean to I've put you through hell these last few weeks and you're guarding yourself I don't blame you" i told her even though I was hurting and needed her right now I knew we weren't there yet I hurt her badly. "I'm sorry for everything Demi I betrayed you...I regret it more than I can say. I messed up big time I should've been trying to work through things with you not-" she put her hand on mine to stop me from finishing my sentence. "I know you are I just don't want to think about the things you did with other girls" She teared up any the thought of me being intimate with anyone other than her. I nodded immediately understanding I wouldn't want to think about it if it were vice versa. "Demi I don't want to end up divorced I love you so much and I know right now there is no reason for you to believe me but after you threatened to leave I panicked because I can't lose you're my everything I need you in order to survive" I told her truthfully life without Demi was boring and not enjoyable. Before her I was miserable she helped me see the beauty of life and find happiness in the small things. 

She sat up some biting her lip "I don't know what to believe because I know in my head that no matter what we go through I would never ever be with another guy the way I am with you that just isn't an option in my head because you do mean everything to me and I'm solely devoted to you " she said and I gulped slightly she was right I know for a fact she wouldn't go further then being friends with a guy let alone something that should not be done with someone when you're married. I nodded she was right we were devoted to each other and I broke that vow. "Can I ask you something?" I spoke softly looking at my hands. "Of course Wilmer" she said looking at me her big chocolate brown eyes on me. "Do you still wanna be with me?" as the words left my mouth I stiffened up looking at her, her expression shocked I had caught her off guard with the sudden question. 

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Demi

I felt a sting in my chest as Wilmer asked me the question i think we both had. been avoiding for some time. I took a deep breath before I sat up straight ready to answer his question, "Wilmer....I love you nothing is ever gonna change that.  I want. to be with you more than anything but I think we have a lot of work to do we're both in pain right now which is only straining us more. I think we need to figure out. how to fall in love again because we might love each other but we aren't in love anymore." I spoke honestly we might love each other but it felt more like a best friend type of love not a married couple. Wilmer nodded his head gently biting his lip "What if we go to counseling? Whether it be couples or separate I think we both need it, because walking in on you hurting yourself like that wasn't what I want to see" he said and I agreed I didn't want to do it again or let him see it "I can go back to counseling with the counselor I had after rehab and I'm sure she could recommend someone for you too" I suggested knowing she was one of the best in the state and had connections. Wilmer nodded "Okay make an appointment and see if she has any suggestions for me. And I had an idea for working on us but I don't know if its stupid or not" he. said running his fingers through his hair which for some reason I found oddly attractive. "Whats the idea?" I asked curiously and absentmindedly reached forward pushing hair out of his face which got a small grin on his face. "What if we started dating again? We stay married obviously but we start from the bottom we go on dates and just get to know each other all over again and fall in love again? Because I want to spend forever with you Demi but I think we need. to rediscover why we fell in love in the first place and feel it all over again and regain our passion, the spark we felt before.."

I nodded and smiled I thought it was kind of genius to be completely honest "I'd like that Will, but I want to lay some ground rules down so we know this is to reconnect and not just something else" Wilmer tilted his head confused "Okay what kind of rules Hermosa?" He asked propping himself up on his elbow. "We start over entirely, no sex until we're both ready, and maybe we sleep separately still I just want this to be completely fresh I want fall in love with you again not your body." He nodded "But what about kissing and cuddling? Like are we fully cutting off physical stuff?" I thought for a second before shaking my head "No cuddling is okay and like hugs too, kissing will be okay I just don't want sexual stuff yet I want us to build emotional connections again first" Wilmer. sat up and nodded "I think that's fair, but can we cuddle right now? I miss it so much Demi" I didn't respond verbally I just laid beside him and moved close so my head was on his chest. It immediately felt like home, a. familiar space I missed and didn't really realize how much until he wrapped his arms around me holding me flush against his body. I heard him take a breath of relief quietly as we both got comfortable and drifted to sleep both of us needing each other more now than we have in a long time. 

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Hey guys! Sorry it's been. so long since I've updated but I started college in August so life has been busy but I'm gonna start updating at least once a week most likely on Saturdays and possibly Sundays if I have extra time. But Saturdays for sure. Thank you for all the reads and being so patient with me. The next part will have more fluff and just cute stuff  I'll also be publishing Thanksgiving and Christmas themed parts as the holidays get closer