Always Connected

Chapter 8 - Forgive me

I stumble around Harvard Yard like a lost puppy. You can't even imagine how dumb I felt when I found out that Holsworthy hall was almost right across from my dorm building, Canaday hall.

I was so zoned out earlier today when Mason told me where he lived that the only thing that I remember is that he lives in Holsworthy hall. No direction, no room number, no nothing.

Well, at least there are nametags on the doors so it won't be a problem finding his room.

I pass a few doors with the name Mason on it but it isn't him. After 10 minutes of going through halls on halls, and getting some rude glares from students, I finally find the right room. The nametag says, Mason Coleman in cap letters, and underneath them is a map of Michigan. So that's where he moved to, he moved to Michigan.

Beside his nametag is a nametag for someone called Daniel Reese. I remember the name from earlier today. It's that guy in Mason's car I think. I'm pretty sure it's him. Maybe they requested being roommates, I know Paige and I did. My hand is shaking immensely as I raise it to go knock on the door. My knocks are small but noticeable. It feels like minutes passing by before the lock on the door finally clicks and the door swings open.

His face shows how surprised he is to see me standing here. "You came," he murmurs choking on his words.

I don't know what to reply so I go with the simplest answer I can come up with. "Yeah," He opens the door wider so I can enter. His dorm room is small and is way different from the room or rather "mini apartment" that I share.

"My roommate is out for early dinner so he won't bother us,"

I reply with a small nod with the head and turn my attention to something else than his hazel eyes.

"Why aren't your parents here?" I ask politely. Everyone's parents help their kids move into their dorms, well except for my dad and Paige's parents. Now that I think about, what an idiotic question is that, it's like I'm judging him even though my dad didn't help me settle in. He sits down on his bed and pads his hand on the space beside him, requesting for me to sit down. I move across the room slowly and plop down on the soft bed, further away than where he intended for me to sit. 

"Since I was doing this preorientation program, my parents helped me move in yesterday and left the same day. That's why they aren't here," He replies with a smile. My assumption was proven wrong, I thoughts his parents we're busy, but I guess they care about him more then my dad cares about me.

I shouldn't have asked him that, of course Madelyn wouldn't miss such a big day for her son. He shifts uncomfortably on the bed and fiddles with his phone in his hands. "So I didn't see your dad earlier today..."

I spare us both the awkwardness and answer his unfinished question.Even though I shouldn't share my problems with him, I do it anyways.

"There was an emergency at the office so he... left." I don't know why I paused at the end.To break the silence and change the subject from my dad, I ask the most basic question, that doesn't involve my family life. "So hows life treated you?"

I can tell he's overthinking his answer. He's hiding something, maybe it's connected to the big secret he told me about earlier today. God, I wish I knew what everybody is hiding from me.

"Lifes treated me well, I guess. I ended up in an Ivy-league college and now I'm sitting here with you...So hows Jacksonville, I assume you still live there." 

"Still living in the same old house. I don't think I could ever leave, it's my hometown. I saw the sign on the door, you ended up in Michigan  then."  My words are calm, not cluttered and rude as I had imagined. As I mentioned the thing about leaving my hometown it was like he froze for a second but recovered afterward.

"Yeah, my dad bought some land in Michigan and started his own business back then. You should visit Michigan someday, it really has some beautiful lakes,"

"Maybe," I shrug giving him a genuine smile.

"So you're best friend Penny, does she really live in my old house?" I almost break out in laughter of him calling Paige, Penny. But I stop in my tracks and disguise my laugh as a cough.

"She and her family moved in some months after you moved...Oh, and her name is Paige by the way."

Paige was my savior. And I know you think I'm exaggerating, but I'm not. You can only judge someone if you have tried to be in their shoes before. Do you know how it feels to be depressed and tired of life and then suddenly someone pops up out of nowhere and helps you through the pain? If you've tried it before, then I'm happy for you. I'm not happy that you've gone through so much pain, but I'm happy that you've found someone so special and precious, that only comes around once in a lifetime.

"McKenna I owe you an apology. Not just for what happened today but also for ruining your sweatshirt at that gas station. And most importantly an apology for everything that happened in the past. I'm so sorry that I hurt you, and I'm sorry for not attending your mom's funeral. It's like I have these burdens on my shoulders and I've had them on since the day I left, and the only way I can get them of is by having your forgiveness. So I hope you can forgive me."

I can feel the tears at the corner of my eyes and I try to blink them away. "Mason I can only forgive you... if you tell me the truth. The whole truth about the past. I can't forgive you when I know your hiding something important from me. Is it really that difficult to tell me?"

"It's best if you don't know it. I don't want you to go through the things that I experienced when I heard the shitty messed up truth. I was only 10 years old when they told me. It was stuck on my mind for so long that I almost went insane. My mind was so fucking messed up by everything, not only the truth but from the things with you, and my parents fighting. McKenna I wanted to hurt myself." His voice is so loud and full of emotion that goosebumps raise on my skin.

"Mason I'm almost 18-years old for God's sake. I'm not a pathetic little kid anymore. I am old enough to hear the truth. And I don't care about the consequences afterward. Don't you think I've wanted to hurt myself before? I've been through all the shit you've been through, or maybe even more. So stop the act and tell me the truth!" I feel kinda bad for yelling at him like that.

"I don't want to be the one telling you because I'm selfish and I don't want it to be me who you're mad at anymore. The right person who should tell is your dad," He's so frustrating. I know for a fact that my dad would never tell me.

I hesitate a bit before opening mouth. "Well, then I can't forgive you." I shrug emotionless, I can see the pain on his face as the words escape my mouth.

I get up from his bed and hurry out of the room without looking back. Why does it hurt so much? The tears are once again streaming down my cheeks and my whole body is shaking. I almost break down in the middle of the sidewalk, but I use the last strength in me to hold it in until I finally get to my room.

My shaking hand is pounding at the door as I sob into my other hand. Paige opens the door with confusion flashing on her face. I drop my shoulder bag on the floor and jump into arms sobbingly. She brushes my hair with her hand slowly while she tells me everything is going to be okay.

(AN: I hope you like the chapter, and that you and your family is safe and sound. Have a nice day- love Jade)