The pain in her eyes were heartbreaking, even untolerable. She left me sitting here speechless. And even though she left an hour ago I can still hear her words repeating itself over and over again.
She said she couldn't forgive me. But what's the surprise? I knew she wouldn't. Well, I didn't even think she would show up to my room, but she did.
My stupid ass messed it all up again. And if I wasn't so scared of being the one hurting her she wouldn't actually be hurt right now. I don't know how many times I've said it but here it goes again; I'm an idiot.
It's weird to see how much McKenna has changed. Not only in her physical growth but also in her personality. She doesn't seem scared anymore, she's outgoing and strong-minded. Maybe it's just this wall she's built to hide the emotions she doesn't want others to see. Or maybe it's just a wall specifically made to hide from me. Either way, I swear I'll break it down.
The thought of breaking something down reminds me of the day or rather night when I bumped into McKenna. It all happened so fast, I was texting my mom while walking into the gas station and then I hit her with the door accidentally. I did realize she looked a lot like McKenna, but I've seen a lot of girls that look like her and trust me I have embarrassed myself multiple times because of it.
It's kinda funny how I thought she was another lookalike, but she turned out to be the real her. The real her? Even though she's the 'real' McKenna Brielle Parker, she still isn't my McKenna. If I told her the truth maybe she'll come back around. But the consequences of her knowing are too risky. Like what if she hurt herself as I did. Has she hurt herself before?
The vertical scar across my left arm shows my stupidity and the destress I went through as a kid. I could've killed myself that night. My life could've ended right there all alone and broken on the bathroom floor.
Everything was a slur, but I remember my mom's terrified face as she saw all the blood dripping from my wrist. The sound of the razor blade falling to the bathroom floor and my mom screaming for my dad is still sending chills down my spine. When I blacked out I thought I was dying. I was ready to die. I felt like there weren't any other way for me. I couldn't live with the secret and it feels like I still can't.
Moving to Cambridge was supposed to be my new start, not a stroll down memory lane. But maybe it was faith that I bumped into McKenna, cause it's time for me to get the closure that I've waited for. I should end this once and for all, so she can be at peace and so that I can set myself free. But I know for a fact that I have to go through hell to get the closure I want.
My roommate Dan took my car or I made him take it, so I have nowhere to go. Dan and I have only known each other for 2 days and I already trust him with my most prized possession. He seems pretty genuine and like a nice guy so I'm not that worried as I should be. But if he scratches my jeep I'm going to throw his Tony Hawk autographed skateboard out the window.
There's nothing else for me to do than to call my mom. Not to tell her about the whole thing with McKenna, but to see how shes doing. In the last 2 days, she's texted me approximately 20 times, so maybe it's best if I call her so she can calm down a bit.
I tap on the green button and wait for a few seconds before she picks up. "Honey, how are you doing? Nana, dad, and I miss you so much." her words are hasty and a sound of relief washes over her voice.
"I miss you and nana too. It's kinda lonely living without you guys around... And I certainly miss nanas empanadas, next time I'm coming home remember to make some for me." my tone is playful and I hear my mom laughing subtly.
"Mi Amor I miss you so much. If you come home right now I'll make you some of my empanadas." my grandma yells in the background of the line. Even though it sounds like she's far away I can still hear her clearly. Her accent is adorable when she speaks English.
"That's a hard bargain you've given me. But even though your empanadas are worth the 13-hour drive, I still have some work to do. So I sadly have to decline your offer. I promise I'll visit you next month." I hear her sigh in disappointment which makes me uneasy.
"Mamá, Mejor dejemos a Mason solo, parece ocupado," I hear my mom whisper to nana. I haven't used my Spanish in a while, so the only thing I can make out of the sentence was that they should leave me alone or something.
We hang up shortly after and I jump onto my bed sighingly. I don't know what to do now. I'm fucked.
Distracting me from my thoughts, the room door flies open and in barges Dan. He throws me my car keys and I catch them while still laying down.
"I brought you some chow mein if you're hungry," He mumbles while putting down the takeout food on the desk behind him.
"I'm good, just need some sleep." I decline while tossing a mini-basketball into the hope hanging on the door.
A few minutes of silence pass before Dan starts talking again. "Dude your car is a women magnet, I'm for sure going to borrow it again some time."
"No way in hell you're going to drive my car again. I only made you drive it because I needed to apologize to... to that girl,"
"What did she say, is she going to press charges or what? Do you know you can get 6 years in prison for vehicular manslaughter?"
"Manslaughter? I didn't kill her you doofus, and she's not going to press charges." I roll my eyes at him excessively trying to emphasize my point. My stomach turns at the slightest thought of me killing McKenna.
"Lucky for you. If I was her I would press charges..." the smirk on his face prevents me from punching him, and I can tell he sees the irritation in my eyes. "Take it easy. You have nothing to worry about, now that you know you aren't going to the slammer," he adds cooly. "Let's go outside and meet some other freshmans. You should learn to live a little, not sit around doing nothing," he adds again to the never-ending sentence.
"Fine..." I sigh defeated. This day has been a full-on mess and I'm so ready for it to end.
(AN: Hey guys, I hope you and your family are doing well and are healthy. What happened to George Floyd are unacceptable and heartbreaking, I pray for his family and friends and for him. Remember to treat people with kindness and be your self. Have a great week and I'll see you next week. TTYL. #blacklivesmatter
YOU ARE READING
Always Connected
RomanceAlways connected is an enticing romance novel about McKenna Parker, a seventeen-year-old girl with a unforgettable past. She was a young girl who experienced the death of her mother, the sorrow of her best friend moving away and her dad being more...
