Pain Is My Love Language

Questions and Similarities

Anderson: 

We were all sitting at the round conference table, Alucard looked like he was deep in thought, but so was I. 

" Alucard, please report about the carnage of your failed mission tonight." 

" A married couple were eaten down to the bone, all that was left was the head, both were on pikes just outside the door of the room they were killed in. The killer was a woman, about 19-23 years of age, red hair that was curled, red clubbing dress stopping above knee, and matching heels-"

" I saw the same girl, but I was on the other side of the city when I pinned her with a blade. I thought she was a demon with all the blood on her dress and face."

" Did you kill her, Anderson?" 

" I couldn't, Sir Integra. She was acting in such a manner that...made it difficult to follow through with the action." 

" Acting how?" 

" Her name is Deianira, and she is a clever bitch. She's not quite a demon, but something similar. She acts in a manner thats parallel to a Lilitu when she is feeling pain of violent actions, making me think she was one, until I heard her name. All Lilitu bear a name almost unspeakable to the mortal tongue, but hers, hers is Greek." 

" Meaning what, Anderson speak plainly." 

" He means she gets harlot-like pleasure from physical violence, be it sadistic or masochistic. She lives for the thrill of a fight, for the pain. She is a tricky little minx, I'll give her that." 

Alucard chuckled with a smile, and it unnerved me. He liked how she acted?

" I have to ask, you're enjoying this, aren't you?" 

" What makes you think that, Papist?" 

" You smile like this is all some big game, when she is a real violent threat." 

" She is playing cat and mouse with us, Anderson. Little does she realize she is the mouse in this game. Besides, it's been far too long since I've had fun on a hunt, and she's proving to be said fun. You live as long as I have and well...you get bored a bit too easily." 

" And if Saturday morning cartoons taught me anything, the mouse always won, and you sound like her, bored when shit isn't messy and bloody. Monsters, the both of yeh."

" Gentleman, can we not get snarky right now? This 'girl' is top priority! Find her and kill her. The person who does can expect a nice hefty pay bonus for it personally from me."

" Keep your money, Master. I am in this for the thrill of a challenge. I haven't felt like this in years." 

" Centuries more like." 

I felt a glove slap the back of my head from Maxwell, and I had to chuckle despite his scowl.

 " What, am I wrong?" 

" Enough. Go rest for now. Alucard, you are to go rest as well. Feed and sleep. Those are orders, gentlemen." 

I left with the butler to find the kitchen, only to find their mercenary group already eating. 

" Come, join us Father, foods amazing." The captain, Pip, I think, called out. I took a seat next to him and helped myself. 

" So, how was the hunt?" 

" I failed, as did Alucard. This girl is tricky, and uses her...assets to her advantage. Makes me very uncomfortable to try fighting her." 

" Quoi, like, she tries to seduce you?" (what)

" In her own way, yes. It's aggravating at best, dangerous to my health at worse."

" Aggravating how-no, better question; How is she dangerous to your health? She's just one girl, how hard can it be? Also, aren't you some super soldier?"

" I was forced to let her go because she had gotten into my head, Pip, so do not underestimate her. She is dangerous. Her eyes of emerald lure you in with false innocence, her voice is like a drug, and how she speaks is Babylonian. Hook, line, and sinker, she was in my head and I had failed my job. I am human at the core of my being, after all, emphasis on man." 

" Damn, if she can make a veteran priest like you fail that hard, Alucard doesn't stand a chance."

" Don't sell the vampire short, Pip. He has years of mistresses under his belt. He can handle sounds of temptation better than I. I've been chaste my whole life, he hasn't been chaste a day in his." 

" True, he does have a way with women, I've noticed." 

" He is a vampire, charm is a tool of the trade." My voice betrayed me, a slight bite to my words showed. 

" Why do you hate Alucard so much? And don't give me the Vampire answer." 

" He's cocky, arrogant, loud, brash, narcissist! He's quick to jump to the fight with his short temper. He acts like an angry, bitter teen who never got enough attention as a child with how passively suicidal he can be."

" Sounds like you in a bit of a way, don't you think?" 

I felt flabbergasted. " How do you fucking figure?!"

" You have an arrogance about you around your papal title, you act with an overconfidence equal to cockiness, and you have a short fuse as well, much like a neglected teen boy. The only difference between you two I see is quite simple, and boils down to two questions." 

" Which are what, Captain?" 

" Are you monster enough to curse a soul to the same fate you are cursed with, and if so, to what degree would you go to make it happen? Alucard made Seras, sure it was to save her life, but it was still done in a selfish move so he wouldn't be alone. Would you do the same thing with the Regenerator shit?"  

It was a good question, and I didn't have an answer. 

" I don't know. I'm a weapon of God, I don't get to think shite like that." 

" And that is why you don't see the similarities between you and the vampire. You are lost in yourself, where as he is found and on a path he carved, not one made for him. Make your own path, and you'll see, you two aren't different in the slightest." 

Pip got up and left, a smile on his face. I finished my meal with one thought on my mind, and it wouldn't leave. Why did Deianira call me her plaything, and if me and Alucard are basically the same, did she call him the same? I felt a surge of anger at the idea, only leaving me more confused and pissed. Why did that idea make me jealous? I went to my quarters while I was under Hellsing's roof, changed into the bed clothes they provided, and slept in unease, as her image burned and haunted my vision and dreams in the most lascivious way.