I love you but why did leave me?

Chapter 12

"I'm putting the needle in now, Yoongi," The Doctor stated. Yoongi was calming from an anxiety attack and his head was buried in my chest.
He jumped slightly as the needle went in and to be honest it was weird the way the blood just came out and into the little tubes...
"It hurts," Yoongi sobbed. His voice was muffled.
I kissed his white hair, "Nearly done, bub,"
"Blood is gross," Hobo- I mean Hobi muttered,
"Mm.. it looks like spicy sauce or ketchup," V said.
"Okay I'm done, I'm going to take the needle out," The Doctor said as he slowly took the needle out of his arm.
"Owweee~" Suga winced and sat up, "That hurt!"
The colour from his face suddenly dissappeared and he just fainted.

Jin POV

"Hey hey hey!" I shouted as I caught Namjoon.
"What? I was literally getting a glass out if the cupboard!" He answered.
I took a glass and placed it gently on the counter top in front of him, "Can not have a child breaking things!"
"I-" he paused, "Fine... Do my drink then,"
"Mm no,"
"Well I might break it,"
"Woah you sit down and don't move while I do your ugly ass fat drink!"
"What?" He asked sitting on the bar stool.
"Nothin,"
"You called my drink and ugly ass and fat!" He pointed out,
"Well it's stupid,"
"Yep well your the reason why people now put instructions on shampoo!"
I stopped.
"What? What you say!?" I turned and stood in front of him.
"Love you~" he said sweetly.
A blush started to rise onto my cheeks but hid it by turning back to his drink, which was coffee.
"Oh! Did you blush!?" He laughed, "Ah are you gay!"
"No... I'm pansexual," I turned.
"... Wow," He furrowed his eyebrows clearly thinking, then a mischievous smile appeared, "So is there any one in Bangtan or in other kpop groups you like?"
I honestly choked on air, "dude," I slapped his arm.
"There is someone you like!"
"mm so?" I asked turning to the kettle and poured the boiled water into the cup.
"Tell me!"
"Mm why?"
"Because it can be someone hella hot! Or ugly like me!"
"Bis what chu say? You ain't ugly, honey and if you keep thinking dat I will take all dat negative energy and put all it in a bag and drop dat shit by a metal detector, ya hear?"
"BISH!"
"What?"
"So who do you like?"
"Well ya know Red Velvet?"
"Mm yea,"
"Well... Wendy is sorta hot,"
"Why-"
"Peek a Peek a boo!" I did the moves, "That's how I fell in love! Plus I do have the hots for Jackson-"
"Woah! You have two frikking crushes!" He answered taking the coffee.
"Mmhmm,"
"I'm telling Jackson bro like come on-" then the familiar sound of Namjoons phone began to ring.
"Oh and its Jackson!" He said and swiped left to answer the phone. He put it up to his ear and shouted, "SOMEONE IS FUCKING CRUSHING ON YOU ON BANGTAN LIKE BITCH YOU BETTER SIT THE FUCK DOWN OR COME TO MINE-"
The door swung open and Jackson appeared, "I'm already here BRO!"
That's what best friends are! They don't say 'oh wanna come over later' they say 'wanna come over?' and the bestie appears immediately, okay! You got that?
"Sit ya fat ass down!" Namjoon shouted, flopping down on the armchair.
"MA BUTT AIN'T DAT BUT OKEI!" Jackson shouted back.
And best friends should also communicate like that as well!
"God help me," I muttered and then left the room to go upstairs.
"SO WHO HAS A CRUSH OF ME DEN, BRU!" Jackson shouted.
"Eomma-"
"Voice cracks please~"
"EoMmA jIn HaS a CrUsH oN yOu BeCaUsE hE cAmE oUt To Me As PaNsExUaL!"
"BOIIIII!"
"Wait," Joon-ah said and I heard footsteps which got louder and louder. Then he was standing in front of my bed with Jackson.
"I love you to bro," Jackson hugged me around the waist and gave my lips a kiss.
A blush rose onto my cheeks as I hugged him back but so did a smile.
"Awh~" Namjoon cooed, "I ship you two!"
"Wouldn't the ship name be Jickson?" I asked.
"Or it can stay as Jackson, or it could be Jinson," Jackson smiled.
"Jinson... Hmm,"
"They're all good," Namjoon agreed.
"Yup!" Jackson kissed my lips again, I kissed back while Rapmon was squealing, shouting and making weird noises, "Now make out!" He screamed.
I threw a pillow at Namjoon after I had pulled away, then Jackson gave me a piggy back and we chased him!
"Ah!" Namjoon shouted as he broke the banister... This has happened three times now!

Suga POV

"When can I go home?" I asked again.
"After we've gotten the results!" Jhope groaned, "You've said that twenty three times in the past hour!"
"Sorry,"
"Mm,"
"Hello, again I've gotten the results!" My Doctor came in.
"Oh! If it's good then can I go home? If it's bad can I go home?" I sat up quickly, ignoring the rising pain and pounding in my head.
"Calm down,"
"Mm... Okay,"
"Okay, so everything is great, all good results. But I'd like to talk to Suga about something,"
"Mm okay," Jungkook stood up and led V and Hobi outside.
After the door had closed, my Doctor sat in the hard seat on the left side of my bed.
"Right... Where do I start?" He pondered.
"From the beginning?" I questioned. I had an uneasy feeling in my stomach. Its probably going to be something bad but I still had that small part of me that had hope that it wasn't.
"Could you tel me why, you have self-harm cuts up your arms?" He asked, surprisingly gently. He turned and looked at me with concerned eyes.
"I'm sorry..." I looked down.
"How long have you been doing it?"
"Mm a few weeks.."
"Any reason?"
"It makes me feel better.. But I sti don't like myself.. I'm fat. Ugly and to pale,"
"Your not fat. Your not ugly. Your good looking and your severely underweight! Plus being pale isn't a bad thing! I'm pale as well," He rubbed his hand on my knee.
"Well tell that to some people in our fandom base,"
"They have been giving you hate?"
"Mhmm," I answered, tears springing to my eyes. Not only hate. But threats. Desthv threats.

Here are some::

'Ayo Min Yoongi?! Dude are you a vampire or something!? Ha go hang yourself then!'

'Yoongi your fat ya know that? Dude go PURGE and lose about 💯 pounds please!'

'Suga? Agust D? Yoongi? Does he even know his name like come on! I mean like not only is he unstable and crazy with the so call depression and anxiety but he's ugly asf and needs to go have some plastic surgery!'

'Yoongi + Rope = suicide 👍🏼'

'#HangYoongi'

'Aight! How y’all doing eh? If y’all ARMY hate Suga and that he should go drown himself or hang himself please like!'

@Lee-EunBi has gotten 1.7k likes on this comment.

There are loads more as well. I told the doctor about it and said he'll look at them himself. But it's always me.

-

We arrived home, I went straight to my room and locked it. My box was under my bed, ready to be put in the open. So I unlocked it and took out the blade, then started to bring it to my thighs.
I stopped. I manage to put both hands around it and put the tips if my fingers together.
Fat. It's just fat.
My tummy. Fat.
My arms. Fat.
Everything.
Its just fat.

I cut my thighs. Two turned intk four. Four turned into eight. Eight turned into twelve. Twelve turned into sixteen.

16.

On each leg. But that isn't going to get rid of my fat. I don't want to be fat! Why can't I be normal!?
I got up slowly of the floor and headed to my bathroom, where I undressed myself and jumped into the shower. The shower started of cold but eventually got warm. A soothing warmth.
"By the way, Yoongi-ah dinner will be on the table in a minute!" I heard Jin shout from my bedroom door.
I didn't answer. The smell of food made me sick. I wanted to be sick. So I did.
I did my hair and then jumped out of the shower, with it still running. I covered my fat ugly legs in bandages and then got dressed into some pyjames. I headed back to the bathroom and lifted the toilet lid, but before I did anything else I went to the scale and stood on it.
39.5 kg.

Fat!
I cursed under my breath and recorded it in my mind. Taehyung had noticed last time when I had dieted. He brought home a little sclae sheet where I could measure my weight. He thought it would help. And it did to be honest. But then I seemed to gain little by little. I put on the scale sheet my weight and realised I had lost 2kg.
And its not enough. So I went back to the toilet bent down and thrust my fingers to the back of my throat. I threw up the little contents I had in my stomach (mainly bile) and then did it again. Nothing.
Good.
I stood up and flushed the toilet then took a few gulps if water from the tap. The shower was turned of and I headed back to room and cleared away my box and blade under my bed at the back hiding behind some old small boxes full of photos.
"Dinner is ready!!" I heard Jin shout.
Fuck.