I love you but why did leave me?

Chapter 13

I sat in my seat in the dining room and stared at the food.
"Eat as much as you can okay?" Jin said gently.
"Mm," I nodded and picked out the spoon. We had pork belly.

Of course I had more pork than the others because they'd noticed my weight loss. But it was to much.
But I still ate a little bit though.
I spooned the rice and some courgette into my mouth and chewed. It was tasty. But I had trouble swallowing eat mouthful, to the point it just stayed as mush in my mouth.
"You OK hyung?" Jungkook asked.
I nodded slowly and at some of the pork. My tummy was clenched as I forced myself to swallow and it hurt. I pulled a face and then ate another mouthful.
"Out your spoon down, Suga. It's clear your still ill," Jimin stated.
"No.. I'll eat.. Some more," I answered looking down at my plate.
Not even half. I grabbed my chopsticks and took some of the pork belly and courgette, putting it to my mouth, when my tummy flipped. It wasn't the flip like 'I'm going to puke' just the anxiety one if getting fat. I chewed the pork belly, it tasted like cardboard now and the texture of the courgette was just like plastic. Soft but unbreakable.
My tummy flopped again and thus time I dropped my chopsticks and ran out of the dining room and into the bathroom, where I threw up again.
"Let's get you to bed!" Taehyung came in and flushed the toilet and picked me up bridal style.
"Mm no," I shook my head, trying to get out if his grip, "I'm to heavy for you,"
"Your light as a feather~" He answered travelling down the hall and up the stairs.
"Who broke the banister?"
"Rapmon,"
"I asked such a stupid question,"
"Yup," Taehyung opened my bedroom door and then placed me onto my bed softly.
He closed the curtains across my bed and then threw a thin but fluffy large blanket over my body.
"Have a nap," He said, clearly putting it plain.
I gave him a small smile as he gently gave me a quick hug and then left, silently closing the door with a click.
The others started chatting. About me.
"Is he okay?"
"Yes don't worry,"
"He's lost so much weight!"
"It's bad!"
"DO you think there's a reason?"
"Clearly their is, Namjoon!"
"Well for someone who has an IQ of 148 you clearly are dumb!"
"You've told me before!"
"Still!"
"Guys,"
"Mm?"
"Sup!"
"What if he's... Purging? I heard him throwing up when I walked past his bedroom, over the shower,"
"Really?"
"Yea but he did throw up this morning as well, he's ill,"
"Mm that's true,"
"Jin hyung, maybe I should talk to him,"
"Jungkook you know he has trouble talking to us, you know that,"
"Yea I do but I'm worried... I want to propose to him,"

PROPOSE!? who'd want to get married to me!? I'm fat. I'm ugly. And I'm unstable!!! I'm surprised they haven't taken me to a mental hospital yet!

So about two hours later I had woken up from my nap and Jungkook was hugging me around my waist and rubbing his thumb in circles on the back of my hand.
"Afternoon hyung," He said softly, yawning.
"Hey.." I answered.
"Mm... I was going to ask you something but now I can't remember!"

Don't propose to me Kookie, you deserve someone better, I thought.

"Oh yea I remember now!" He sat up and looked at me.
"What?" I asked,stretching.
"Well.... Well... Tomorrow we're going back to work, so I was wondering if you'll be in?"
"Mmhm I will be,"
"Yay! We're working on some of the songs for the Wings album!"
"Okay,"
"You seem sad!"
"I'm not.."
"Really?"
"Yes,"
"Are you sure?"
"Yes,"
"Okay are you coming down? I'm going to play Overwatch!"
"Mm okay, I will be down in a minute," I said, sitting up slowly, "My head hurts,"
"Well I brought you up some water and there's a pill as well.. Take it then join us!"
"Okay jesus, baby, your hyper,"
"You haven't called me baby in ages!"
"I know and I'm sorry,"
"I know you are! Love you hyung!" He hugged me gently and then slid of the bed and out the door.
I sighed. Such a cute babe but yet he hasn't dumped me. I do love him. But why would he love a fat ugly lump like me?
Anyway. I took the pill and drank the water and then got changed into something comfier.

(minus the hat and bag)

I strolled down the hall, and the stairs and appeared in the living room.
"Why do you wear the mask?" Jimin questioned.
"Cos I'm ill," I answered sitting in the corner of the sofa, hugging my knees,
"Oh come on Yoongi we all have enough room!"
"Mm no.."
"Why?"
"Cos I don't want to!"
Jungkook shifted a little then stood up on front of me.
"Hyung?" he asked, his eyes fill of curiosity but happiness.
"Mm?"
"I have never saw so sweet a face as that I stood before... When I first met you I fell in love with how perfect you were and when I found out you weren't perfect I loved you even more," He started, reaching into his pocket.
"I would rather spend one lifetime with you than to go through all ages alone," He got down on one knee and brandished a black small box.
"Yoongi I love you and I hope you love me back... Will you marry me?"
I gulped, "I.."
"Oh ma gawd!" Jhope and Jimin squealed. V, and Namjoon were shook. Jin was taking pictures and smiling wide.
I opened my mouth again but no words came out.

Say yes you dumbass! You can't upset him, I thought.
And I did. I tried to say yes but it was impossible. In the end I got up, gave Jungkook a soft kiss on his lips and walked out, down the hall and into the bathroom. I locked the door and then slid down it, tears falling down my face.

He proposed and you just ignored him! God Suga what sort of person are you, I thought again.

I'm a horrible person. What if he thinks I rejected him, what will he say to me later or even Bangtan!?
I put my head in my hands and stayed there for what seemed forever, just questioning my life decisions and everything else. When I next looked up it was dark. The moon coming from the small window and I could see the stars shining brightly, sometimes being covered by the clouds.
I sighed, "Why me?" I muttered, standing up. I hand no need to purge. But I had the urge to do it. So I did. It was mainly bile but I did feel much lighter afterwards. Then I flushed the toilet and stumbled down the hall and up the stairs.
"Jungkookie?" I whispered into the dark as I opened his bedroom door.
I could see a lump under the blanket, and it made a sob.
"Oh Kookie!" I said rushing to his side and bringing him into my arms.
"No!" He screamed,
"What?"
He got out of my grip and swore at me, "Why?! Why did you reject!?"
"I didn't reject you.. I didn't say yes either. It was all a shock, I'm sorry,"
"All you say is sorry! Sorry! I won't do it again! Oh sorry Jin! I'm sorry!" he said loudly, "I don't want you anymore! I can't believe you could do that!"
"I'm... Sorry.. It was a shock.. Why won't you understand! You don't understand anything about me do you!?" I screamed, "I wish you would love me for me! Not for the unstable and crazy dickhead you can see! You actually made me happy! BUT I COULD TELL THAT WAS ALL FAKE! I WISH YOU COULD JUST HOLD MY HAND FOR THE NON SICK PERSON!"
I stood up, "IT WAS THE SHOCK JEON JUGGUK OKAY!" I screamed even louder.
I then stormed out to see the rest of BTS coming out of there bedrooms, "I WISH I COULD BE LOVED BY YOU ALL! BUT YOU ONLY SEEM TO CARE FOR SO CALL SICK INVALID AND UNSTABLE CRAZY PERSON!" I shouted and grabbed my keys from the table in the hall, "Why do you not love me!?"
Jin ran over and snatched the keys from me, "You were the one that rejected Jungkook!"
"NO I DIDN'T REJECT HIM! IT WAS ALL THE SHOCK SO I KISSED HIM AND WALKED OUT! IT THAT SERIOUSLY REJECTION! WHY CAN'T YOU SEE THE FACT I WAS SHOCKED YOU FOOL!" I shouted and pushed him to the ground.
I looked at the rest of them, "IT WAS FUCKING SHOCK! GET THAT INTO YOUR THICK HEADS!" I grabbed the keys from Jin and ran out of the house.
I jumped into my car and began driving onto the still busy road, and drove to the train station.

Daegu. I'm D boy.

And that's where I belong. Always and forever.

Not with BTS.
Why?
They fucking well only care for the sick unstable and crazy person.