The Backup Singer - A Matty Healy Fanfiction (Completed)

Part 17 - Terrible At Love

I woke up on the sofa bed in my lounge room with Matty lying next to me.

His arm was draped over my waist and his lips were parted, emitting soft snores.

He was peaceful.

The memory of last night came back to me.

Matty said he loved me.

I bit my lip nervously. I wanted to say it back, but I didn't know how.

Like, obviously I knew how to say "I love you", but... The way Matty said it, at the perfect time, and the exact way he used his words.

I think I love you.

I replayed it in my mind.

I think I love you.

It was the perfect way to say it.

But at the same time, he didn't exactly say "I love you". He said he thinks he loves me.

But it was more than enough for me.

I tried to break away from his grasp by lifting his arm off me cautiously. But before I could escape to the kitchen to make a coffee, his eyes opened, his smiled appeared and his arms tightened around me. I rolled my eyes and turned around to face him.

I wanted to say it right then. I wanted to kiss him and never let him go again.

"Morning," he said, leaving a lingering kiss on my lips. I smiled and kissed back.

Do I say it now, or do I wait?

I was terrified either way.

Matty frowned.

"You alright love?" He asked, trailing his fingers along my jaw.

I nodded.

"Just thinking." I said unconvincingly.

Matty's frown deepened in his forehead.

"What are you thinking about?" He asked. I sighed and he pulled me closer to him, my face was in the crook of his neck "I'm sorry. If you don't want to talk you don't have to." He whispered.

Shit. Now I've made him feel terrible too. He's just said he loved me, basically, and now I'm making him feel bad.

"Do you remember what I said last night?" He whispered, so quiet I almost missed him say it. He was so quiet sometimes when he was one on one with me. I think it's a side only a few people get to see of him.

"Yeah," I whispered back. The whole apartment was quiet, it was like the building was holding it's breath.

"I'm scared Matty," I whispered, my voice cracking with the tears in the backs of my eyes. I broke away from him to look up at his face.

"Why?" He asked, hooking his fingers under my chin so I looked straight into him eyes.

"I'm terrified I'm going to mess it up. Mess this up. Mess us up. I don't want to lose you because of a mistake. I'm scared I'm not good enough for you, and I'm scared you'll find someone prettier, or smarter, or better. Last night you said you think you love me. I want to say it back, but I don't know how to say it in a way that communicates the amount of adoration I have for you. And now that you've said it, I feel like I have to say it, and then it's not going to be as special as yours was. The way you said it Matty, it was beautiful. You say everything beautifully. I-I'm not good at love." I said.

"Neither am I. But we can be terrible at love together." He said, lacing his fingers with mine. I smiled, despite the silent tears that had begun to fall. I took a breath.

"Matty, you don't understand. We can't say we love each other, because we know that in the end we'll end up breaking each other's hearts." I said, my voice thick with tears as I realised I'd never be good enough for him.

"Billie," he said, tilting my head up again so I was staring into his dark eyes.

"Billie, I don't care if you break my heart, just, be with me. Be with me, because, when I'm with you, I feel - here comes the cliche part - alive," He said. "I really, really like you, Billie. How about...when you're completely ready, you say it first. We can forget last night. I just lo - like you too much to not be with you over a couple of words. Deal?" He asked me.

"I love you, Matty." I whispered suddenly. This took him by surprise. He grinned at me.

"I love you, too, Billie. Will you be terrible at love with me?" He asked. I grinned, despite the old tears that fell for different reasons now.

I was crying because I felt so, incredibly happy, just being with him.

Naw. Sorry it's a kinda short/boring chapter but I thought it was cute, the way it was all phrased. What do you think?

OH AND GUYS WE KINDA HIT 1K VIEWS. Yay!

I love you.

xx -Anna