Almost A Decade // Ryden

Chapter Ten.

     I immediately stand up from the table and grab Ryan by the arm and pull him into the next room. "What are you doing here? Why? Why did you come here."

     "Brendon, I..." he stops for a second, suddenly regretting his decision. "I didn't know what else to do. You wouldn't return my calls, texts, nothing." Ryan is stammering through his sentences and I can't help but laugh at how frustrated he sounds, and how stupid it is he followed me to Vegas.

     "Ooooh, Ryan." I shake my hands into my hair, and start pacing the room. "You shouldn't be here. Did you girlfriend follow you here, too? Is she going to show up next, asking us why we're together?"

     He's just standing, frozen in one spot, watching me walk around. "We, uh ... we're on a break right now. She wanted to know everything about our past and I just couldn't give her that..... so she left." He laughs nervously, looking down at his feet.

     I look out of the doorway into the kitchen and see my parents both standing at the end of the hallway. I turn back to Ryan, "we can't talk here. We need to go somewhere else... wait here."

     I run upstairs, throw on my shoes and grab my phone. I walk back downstairs, past Ryan and to the front door. I look back at him, nodding towards the door for him to follow. "Let's go."

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     Down the street from my parents house is a small manmade pond with some benches, and solitude. Ryan and I don't speak to each other the entire walk there. I'm just trying to figure out what I am going to say to him, and I'm sure he's doing the same.

     We both sit down at one of the benches, and still, we aren't speaking. He's breaking apart a stick he found on the walk, and I'm just looking out at the water. Ryan slouches down so his elbows are rested against his knees, and looks up in my direction, breaking the silence.

     "I'm sorry." He has one eye squinted to block the sun, and is just staring at me. I'm not looking at him, but I can see him out of the corner of my eye. He sits up straight, still keeping his gaze on me, and repeats himself, "I'm sorry, Brendon."

     Still not moving, I respond, "for what?"

     "Everything."

     "Everything?" I say questioning his answer, and finally catching his eyes.

     "Well, everything except kissing you." His eyes drop down to look at his hands. "But, yeah, everything else."

     I felt my cheeks flush, I couldn't help it. That was the first time Ryan kissed me in 8 years, the thought of it made me blush. But it also pissed me off, because I know he didn't mean everything. "You don't mean everything, Ry. You just mean everything in the last couple months."

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     He hesitates to speak, almost like he was going to say something else, but then he sits up straight, "What do you mean I don't mean everything?"

     "You just don't mean everything." I cross my ankle over my knee and sit back.

     Ryan starts laughing, "You mean the past..... Brendon, listen." He pauses for a moment running a hand through his hair. "I honestly don't know what you expect me to say, because anything I have to say now would be pointless. It's not like we can go back in time."

     I look at him curious about what he means by that, and I think he can sense my curiosity because he starts again, "I was a different person back then. I cared too much about what other people thought. I took our differences as arguments and I could no longer separate the band from our ...." He shrugs, "relationship or whatever."

     I'm shocked, this is the first time he and I have talked anywhere remotely close to this topic since it all happened. "I mean, I can understand that...."

     My words were cut off, "And by the time I realized what I wanted," he looks out over the pond, "you were already with Sarah, and when I found that out..." He stops speaking, and shakes his head. "I just knew it was too late."