If grieving means tears then why Am I not grieving? For there's no tears falling from my eyes but my heart feels empty and void.
Nakatitig lang ako sa kabaong ng kapatid ko na iniiyakan ngayon ng mga magulang ko. Naalala ko ang huling sinabi ni Sam bago siya mawala na ikwento ko daw siya sa pamangkin niya.
Paano kaya nalaman? Kailan pa niya alam? Kahit ano pang pagtatanong ko ay hindi naman na niya ako masasagot.
Isa-isa ang mga kaibigan ko na ng paabot ng pakikiramay. Maski si CJ na kanina pang nandito sa tabi ko ay hindi ko magawang kausapin.
Sa loob ng siyam na araw ay wala akong maayos na tulog. Sino bang makakatulog ng mahimbing kung bigla kang maalimpungatan sa tunog ng pagputok ng baril.
Bukas ay ililibing na ang kapatid ko. Ganun kabilis ang araw pero tila tumigil ang mundo ko. Kung hindi ko lang iniisip ang anak kong nasa sinapupunan ko ay matagal ko nang nasaktan ang sarili ko. Dahil wala man lang akong nagawa para sa kakambal ko. Kung nagpadala lang sana ako sa hatak niya saking umalis ay buhay pa sana siya ngayon.
Isang lalaki na hindi ko kilala ang may hawak ng isang attache case ang naglakad patungo sa kabaong ng kapatid ko.
"My condolences, Villaruel family. I am Attorney Miguel Esguerra, lawyer of Ms. Samantha Lorraine Villaruel and I am here to read her will." Pangunguna niya. Nang marinig yun nila Mama ay umupo narin sila sa tabi ko para makinig.
"The Last Will and Testament. Know all men by these presents. I, Samantha Lorraine Torres Villaruel, of legal age, single, a Filipino citizen and currently a resident of Brgy. Masigla with sound and disposing mind and memory, and without having been forced, intimidated or unduly influenced by anybody, have hereby voluntarily executed and proclaimed this instrument, as my Last Will and Testament, in English, a language I speak and write with and of which I am well conversant. That should I finally rest in eternal peace, it is my wish and desire that internment, vigil and burial be made in accordance with the customs traditions of the country where my family wishes me to be buried and I hereby revoke, set aside and annul any and all of my other will or testamentary dispositions that I have made, executed, signed or published preceding this Last Will and Testament. To my beloved sister, Selena Lorraine Torres Villaruel, I give and bequeath all of my real and personal properties and bank accounts."
Nawindang ako sa narinig ko. Iniwan niya sakin ang lahat ng mana niya galing kay Lolo. Pero hindi ko kayang magdiwang. Bakit niya naisipang magkaroon ng will dahil sobrang bata pa namin para isipin na mamaamatay siya o baka alam niya na pwede siyang mamatay sa oras na umuwi siya dito. Kung hindi ko pala hiningi kina Papa na umuwi si Sam dito ay hindi mangyayari to.
Kasalanan ko lahat.
Madami pa ang binasa ni Attorney Esguerra bago ito natapos.
"My client left this three months ago." Sabi niya sa hawak niyang USB. Inabot niya ito sa nagaasikaso sa viewing sa pictures ni Sam na naka-flash sa slide pane tsaka narin siya umalis pagkatapos niyang iabot ito.
It's a video.
"Hey it's Sam. I am making this video for my sissy twin Selena I know she has a lot of questions right now and I might not be able to answer them like duh it's 2025 and we can make videos." Natawa pa siya sa sinabi niya. "Kidding aside, I just wanna say things I might never say again. Mama, I love you...thank you for raising us with your gentleness and meekness. You never fail as a mother and I admire you for being an understanding wife to Papa. And speaking of Papa...I love you also, Pa. Thanks for protecting us all, for fighting for our rights and for loving us three unconditionally. I always tell myself someday I wanna settle with a man like you. Lastly, to my Selena. My sissy, twinny and my bestie. Oh wait I'm crying...oh my gosh." Naluha narin ako nang makita ko siyang umiiyak. "I-I love you the most, my kambal. We were there for each other from our very first heartbeat, our very first breath and the first face we saw was each other's. I really hope you'll be able to remember everything about us very soon. I want you to remember every winter we see each other in Alaska, when we were kids and every birthday we spent together. You're probably wondering why I made my will early and here's why. Your pretty sissy has stage 3 bone cancer. I didn't want to undergo chemo, operation or whatsoever 'cause whatever I will do, there's no chance I'm going to live long. I don't want to make my body suffer because of the medication. I want to die beautiful. Take care of yourself, sissy. Be free like you've always wanted. Don't be controlled by the past that is supposed to be nothing to do with you. Chase what makes your soul live and I'll be happily watching you over the sky. Here's some of the many videos I have but this is the only one I was able to keep. Selena, never forget me. Everyone, I'll be one of the stars soon, may you always think of me when you look up in the sky at night. Hanggang sa muli."
Akala ko tapos na ang mga luha ko sa pagbuhos ngayon para maibsan ang sakit sa dibdib ko pero hindi pa pala lalo na nang ang sumunod na video ay ang tinutukoy ni Sam na video naming dalawa.
It was one winter in Alaska and we're throwing snowballs on the snow man. Napahagulgol ako sa iyak lalo na nang makita kong sabay kaming tumatawa. Lumapit ako sa labi ng kapatid ko at doon ko na ibinuhos ang mga luha at sakit na kinimkim ko sa loob ng siyam na araw.
"I'm so sorry, Sam. Sana nakinig ako sayo...I'm sorry." Paulit-ulit kong sinasabi.
Naramdaman ko ang pagyakap sakin nila Papa at Mama at yun na lang ang huli kong naaalala.
BINABASA MO ANG
ASTROPHILE (Completed)
General FictionCELESTIAL TRILOGY (Book 1) Universe is listening as they say. Find out how certain Celestial bodies changed their lives. _______________________________________ She's been always aware of something she doesn't know though every person lives with que...
