essence's log
august 21, 2019
4:04 pm
its wednesday.
sophomore year started on monday, august 18, 2019.
im basically getting my ass kicked.
its been three days and i want to drop out.
the teachers are working us like slaves.
just yesterday i started homework at 5pm and finished it at 11pm.
it took me six goddamn hours to finish my work.
and not even all my teachers gave me homework.
over the summer i had a complicated relationship with this guy.
sometime before school, i basically cut him off because
he was no good for me.
i still love and miss him.
and right now, it seems like he hates me.
it hurts to see him avert his eyes from mine.
it hurts to see him walk away from a convo when i walk over.
it hurts to see how he just doesnt care for me anymore
because he probably thinks i hate him.
its been hotter than satan's asshole and because we have a uniform, i have to wear a hot ass blazer which leaves me like a sweating pig by the end of the day.
its disgusting as hell.
i dont know what i want anymore.
im self concious about everything.
it seems like no one wants me around.
and it feels like all of it is for nothing.
i dont think i have a purpose anymore.
im about to be 16 and i've accomplished nothing.
i feel like a failure and a disappointment.
i dont even have a passion for anything anymore.
im sorry if this seems like a entire pity party.
a "woe is me" type thing.
but i needed to vent.
because i cant do it in real life.
no one truly understands what im going through.
i cant talk to anyone.
i know i say that im fine.
i know that i smile everyday.
i know i act like it doesnt faze me.
i know that i just keep my mouth shut.
but that doesnt mean that i dont have
words to say or feelings.
im not emotionless.
i have a heart.
and honestly,
its feeling really broken right now.
this was essence's log.
have a nice day :)
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