All my stars

I- Aquila

You disappeared but you did not vanish and so I
cannot forgive you. If you were going to leave, why is your mission still incomplete ? Is it sad that I can believe the fact that you did not stay, despite the things that you used to say ? Why am I trialed with remembering you intricately ?  You see, the thing about memories is that they are lovely to have until they begin to tear you apart from the inside.

You disappeared but I can still hear the bass in your voice and how harmonious it sounded when accompanied by my guitar. If I close my eyes, I can still see the way you used to look at me. As if time was no longer an adversary and the entire universe halted just to look down at you staring at me as if it was I who put the stars in the sky. I've gotten high and drank, only to realize the reason I even bothered was because my heart was having a hard time accepting that it would never feel the same way it did when it was beside you. I can still smell your cologne off that hoodie you cherished so much yet still gave to me just because I asked it of you.  And I definitely still recall the way you tasted, from the times you'd pin me up against the wall in your library in order to scold me with your mouth on mine for thinking, even for a second, that the beauty of someone else meant the absence of my own.

I now carry feelings of resentment towards you for terrifying me. Yes, I always have been so good at masking my emotions with anger. How the hell could you have possibly loved me like that and still have managed to be the one to vacate me so incredibly, that every atom in my body still wishes you'd stayed more than just figuratively ?