Do You See Me Now? ✔

Chapter 28 - The Road-trip

Saturday, November 17th

     Jesse had made himself comfortable in the passenger seat, while Yoni was trying to catch up on some sleep after she drove the first two hours. Calix was mainly focused on the road, humming along to a song on the radio.

Jesse was trying to find something to talk about with Calix. He felt a bit uncomfortable with the silence in the car, which was very unlike them. Usually, they'd be discussing all kinds of things, making jokes, singing along to the music loudly.

Today? Dead-silent.

Jesse shuffled in his seat, sat back up and took in a breath.

"What's going on with us?" he asked, staring out onto the road.

"With us?" Calix repeated, sounding surprised.

"Us, as friends. I mean, you're driving me to Loek so I assume you really are okay with my sexuality, but you can't deny something between us changed since you found out." Jesse bit his lip, shortly turned to see if Calix was still focused on the road—which he was—and shrugged, even if he wouldn't see it. "Do you feel, I don't know, weird because I had a crush on you?"

"No," Calix shook his head to put some power behind his answer. "I don't mind. It's not like you ever tried something, and I trust you enough to know your boundaries. You can't help who you like, right? Besides, you said had."

"I said had?"

"You had a crush on me. You like Loek now, right?"

"I still like you. I mean... there's attraction and I don't think that'll change soon. But... Loek is different."

"You really like him, don't you?"

"I think I fell for him the moment we met, even if I can't remember the first time I met him," Jesse said, chuckling when he was reminded of their failed one-night-stand. "But that still doesn't explain why we're acting all awkward around each other ever since."

"I'm not awkward about your sexuality, or your crush, or whatever. I'm not awkward around you at all."

"You do act different," Jesse fired back. "Besides, you're more silent than ever, you suck at soccer and we both know you're a huge talent. What's going on, if my crush or sexuality isn't the problem?"

Calix sighed, and Jesse noticed he too was biting his lip.

He didn't reply, and Jesse dramatically rolled his eyes. "You're hiding something, and honestly? It's starting to piss me off. We, you, me, Axel, we agreed not to have any more secrets. Then why are you hiding something from us?"

Calix shot him a look. An annoyed look. A look that told Jesse he hit the jackpot; Calix knew they weren't supposed to keep secrets.

Not anymore.

"I..." Calix started, his grip on the steering wheel tightening. "Are Axel and I bad friends to you?"

"What?" Jesse's eyebrows shot up in surprise. "No, why?"

"Should we have noticed what was going on with you? Not specifically your sexuality, but..." Calix' whispered the last part, and then stopped talking altogether.

"But?"

"You know, your dad..."

"Felipe."

"Him, yes. Should we have noticed he neglected you? Or that he every so often hit you? I feel like I failed you, Jesse. I was so consumed with my own shit that I completely forgot to pay attention to everything else, including you."