Do You See Me Now? ✔

Chapter 27 - The Lonely

Friday, November 16th

     "Loek moved back to our parents, and I suggest you leave him alone, or you're mine."

Those were the words that kept echoing through Jesse's head ever since Mees had answered the door of their apartment. His words weren't the only thing stuck in Jesse's mind. No, the look Mees had given him had been deadly.

It had been stone cold, full of hatred.

If looks were capable of killing, they'd be having Jesse's funeral.

Jesse felt miserable, lonely and most of al stupid. Stupid for going home with a stranger to get back at Loek, while he knew he was being unreasonable.

What was Loek supposed to do when the cops had showed up? Get arrested with him? Be a good—yet very stupid—friend and stop running simply because Jesse got caught?

The only thing Loek could've done differently, was warn Jesse there was a ditch on their escape route. And even then, Jesse didn't know for sure if Loek had realised Jesse didn't know he needed to jump. It wasn't like they prepared to run. It wasn't like Jesse had expected the cops to show up again.

How big of a coincidence was it that they showed up twice in a row?

Jesse groaned, burying his face in his pillow again.

"What have I done?" he mumbled into the pillow, cursing himself for his stupid and selfish behaviour the past few weeks. He hadn't been a good friend to Loek, who had visibly been struggling with his own issues. He hadn't been a good friend to Calix, who, up until that moment, still hadn't told Jesse what exactly was going on that caused him to look like a mere shadow of his former self.

And he hadn't been there for any of his other friends either, even if they didn't have any issues to deal with. Axel, for instance, still seemed to be in love with Donna, even if he knew they would never get back together.

Or Yoni, who was still struggling with the fact she was dragged out of the closet by Axel. She wasn't too pleased she wasn't able to come out at her own terms. Jesse knew how shitty that felt, and still he hadn't supported her by sticking by her side in school.

No, instead, Jesse had dragged himself from class to class, and had silently sat at the lunch table feeling miserable because of his own stupid mistakes.

And Jesse didn't even want to think about his family, and all the shit that was going down between his brothers, his mother, and Felipe, while he was hiding in the safety of his friend's house.

Jesse never liked to be pitied by anyone, but in that moment he both pitied and hated himself.

He pushed himself up from the bed with newfound energy. He needed to do something.

Anything.

He needed to take action. He needed to take matters into his own hand. If he wanted to have a shot with Loek, he needed to apologize and talk to him.

And even more so, he didn't need his brothers or mother to fight his battles for him. He should stand up against his father and...

"Oh, what use would it be?" Jesse mumbled, slumping down on the bed again. "He'll probably beat me up worse if I face him."

Jesse shuddered and shook his head to get that image out of his head. No, facing his dad was something he would do another time. When he'd feel strong and safe enough to do so.

But then there was Loek Lindenberg.

And the fact Jesse missed him, his weird sense of humour, his kind gestures and words. The fact Loek actually helped him even when they didn't exactly know each other that much. The fact Jesse felt his stomach flip whenever he thought back about kissing him.