Zombie Soap

One

Jayson

"Get out of the soap!"

Jayson stepped into the bathroom where his ferret had pulled a slinky move and squeezed under the door. After making yet another escape attempt from his cage, Loki clawed his way out of Jayson's room and slithered his fat ass under the bathroom door. How he managed it without getting stuck was a mystery. Loki had been the size of a baby monster when Jayson had bought him at five months old. Now, nearly a year later, the little trickster was almost the size of a puppy.

Loki nudged open the cabinet door under the sink with his nose and was now gnawing on a brand-new bar of generic soap, leaving powdered flakes all over the tiled floor. He spared Jayson a lazy glance that dared him to do something about it.

He scooped up the ferret with one hand and snatched up the soap with the other. Teeth marks pocked the orange and white patterned soap where the edges weren't chewed off. Jayson scrunched his nose at the smell that only Tropical Tidings' off-brand could give. Everything about the company was cheap, from its flaky powdered texture to the rough cardboard box it came in. His company issued one-ply toilet paper that had better quality than this excuse called a soap box.

"If you stole my soap again..." His other roommate, Taylor, stopped behind him, ready to defend his weird addiction. The world could experience a shortage of soap, and Taylor would have a secret stockpile hoarded away somewhere. What had started out as a prank a year ago where Jayson had innocently stolen his soap had become a fully fledged war of pranks, where one had gone viral on YouTube before Jayson had pulled it. Taylor getting his ass beat by an eighty-year-old woman might have been a step too far, especially since he'd manipulated Taylor's ex-girlfriend into filming the incident.

Jayson sighed and tossed the soap bar into the trash can. "No, it's just Eric's crappy soap. Loki got into the cabinet again."

Taylor scrunched his nose. "I read an article this morning that Tropical Tidings just did a mass recall on their soap. Something about a bad batch and people getting sick."

Jayson snorted and placed Loki on his shoulder like a snake. Only Taylor would read articles about soap. "If that was the case, they'd have been out of business a long time ago. Eric only buys it because he's cheap."

Taylor mock-gasped and brought his hand to his chest in dramatic fashion, exiting the bathroom now that it was clear no one was out to steal his soap. He could be so strange sometimes, but it was his quirks that made him so much fun to live with. That, and he was the best cook in the house. After the YouTube incident, Taylor didn't cook for a month, leaving Jayson to live off ramen and mac and cheese. That had been a lean month—after the first few burnt meals, he'd gone straight to microwaveable meals, upsetting his stomach and forcing him to acquaint himself with the bathroom better than he liked.

He went back to harmless pranks after that.

Making his way to his room, Jayson called out over his shoulder, "What's for dinner?"

"Whatever you want to make," Taylor grunted in a muffled voice as he bent over to rummage through the refrigerator. "I'm not your boyfriend!"

"I'll make you mine for a night," Jayson teased, knowing Taylor would give in and make dinner anyway.

Taylor laughed and pulled several items out of the fridge, balancing food and beer in his arms as he kicked the door shut. "Oh, please. We both know you couldn't handle me."

Sexual orientation aside, Jayson occasionally considered making an exception for Taylor. As high maintenance and goofy as his friend was, he'd be perfect boyfriend material if he'd just open up more. Taylor's fear of commitment had driven him and Monica apart, no matter what his excuses had been, but Jayson couldn't help feeling protective of him, and there were times he dreamed of them together instead. It was unnerving to discover those desires so late in life, especially considering his conservative background and the fact Jayson liked Monica too. His feelings were complicated, and Jayson did his best not to examine them too closely.