CupCake.

My Apologies/Triumphant Return

hello, my beautiful readers. it's been a very long time since I last updated. I apologize, greatly. it seems 2019 kind of started off on a terrible note for me. my grandmother passed away in February but many of my family members knew it was coming before the year began, especially me. when she passed away, I kind of lost motivation for a lot. I havent written much, I didn't do very well in my classes, BARELY passed them. lost my will to want to move around. I still go out with friends and still like to go out but my hobbies and stuff when I'm alone, I just dont have motivation to keep going. I've been trying my best to do more than just sit around the house and be on my phone. I guess by now maybe I should feel better but... since about a year before my grandma passed away, I took care of my grandmother and my aunt that is disabled, and also my grandmother was a second mother to me. now that she's passed and most of the family has backed out, I care for my aunt. shes 33, mentally and physically disabled. not many understand her and not many wanna take care her. it's been very difficult for me because although she is 33, she has the mentality of a 4 year old and she cant speak or walk well. it's a big responsibility for me because I'm still in college, i still dont even know what i want in life or who I am. and also, I live in the house in which my grandmother lived and passed away in. it's hard cause I see her everywhere, think about her constantly. I still cry when I go see her at the cemetery.

but I'm trying my best.

now to lighten the mood a bit, I went to Korea at the end of my devastating spring semester. it was a bit of a hassle but it happened. and I even got to see BTS in Chicago before I traveled to Korea. I needed the vacation. I felt a little lighter, moped a little less and stopped trying to force myself to be who I was before. I'm still there but just slightly farther.

with that in mind, I will begin to update my stories again and hopefully at least once a month for all.

please look forward to it and I love you all that have been patient.