i'm not the prettiest flower but i'll do

proud of a boy he barely knew

mood: how to disappear completely- radiohead

Thursday, September 6th 7:13 am

Louis made his way to school, dragging his feet and slumping his shoulders forward. Last night was so rough for him he contemplated on not going to school and he was so close to convincing himself but he's never missed a day without an excuse and he's not about to start doing it his senior year of high school. But for some reason he couldn't stop crying; he just cried and cried and cried all night until he couldn't anymore. And it wasn't like there was a particular reason for him to cry, he just did. His mum almost walked in on him sobbing but he was quick to pretend to be asleep, having to let the snot run down his face until she left (which wasn't long).

When he woke up his eyes were swollen and sensitive to touch or blink. He laid on his back staring at the ceiling cogitating if it was worth it to go on. As dark as it might sound, it was a reoccurring thought almost every morning because he just didn't want to continue the day, or life really. However, he had to get up and drag himself through life, even if he didn't want to and that was the worst part. Only staying alive because he's been told that supposedly the people around him cared, but where? Where is the care? People sure seemed to care throughout all his bullying and torture. Or the time where Louis was almost hospitalized because he accidentally touched a fellow schoolmate on his arm after people found out he was gay. What about when those people were physically, verbally, mentally, and emotionally hurting him? Where were those people who supposedly cared? Because if it were up to him, he'd be six feet under right now and he's almost in love with that idea, finds happiness in it even because maybe then he'd finally be okay.

Just like every other one of his days, it's already started on a bad note. He woke up late, sleeping through his alarms (he didn't get to bed until a couple hours before waking up), but he still took a cold shower to try to get the puffiness out his eyes (it kind of worked), skipped breakfast (like always), his parents said nothing to him this time but his dad, however, did stare him down a couple times which made him uncomfortable. Oh yeah, and Louis spilled water all over his homework trying to shove it into his backpack as quickly as he could. So to say that today is already bad is an understatement for him. And to make matters worse, he wasn't even a few houses down from his when he heard a familiar melodic voice. "Bacon pancakes, makin' bacon pancakes." Louis couldn't see Harry, but he could imagine his head bobbing from side to side as he sang each line. "Take some bacon and I'll put it in a pancake. Bacon pancakes, that's what it's gonna make. Bacon pancake." Why? Isn't Louis supposed to be sad and depressed? So why is it that whenever Harry comes around, he can't wipe a stupid smile off his face. He hated it so much. Yeah he hated the suffering side effects of depression and all that but he loved being alone and keeping to himself so why did he enjoy Harry's presence so much?

And yes, Harry knew exactly what he was doing. Every other time he's attempted to just spark up a conversation with Louis it failed, so he decided to take a different approach and hoped it was a good one, because he for sure thought it was. As his song came to a finish, Harry wasn't sure if his eyes were deceiving him or not, but he could've sworn he saw Louis' shoulders rise and fall a few times as if he chuckled. "Louis," Harry extended his name, singing it loudly and repeating it over and over doing runs and maybe even yodeled it. He even put his finger to his ear, squeezed his eyes shut, and moved his head side to side, same with his finger, as he sang the runs. "Why do you hate me?" Even though he was joking, Louis had to admit that his voice was pretty heavenly, but he'd never tell him that of course. "I," he extended that note way too long and it made Louis laugh because his voice got raspy towards the end which resulted in Harry coughing. But he quickly recovered singing, "Oh I," extending the letter again, "I just want to be your friend." His steps quickened so he could walk backwards in front of Louis to sing directly at him. "Can't you see, oh baby, can't you see that I'm trying my best. Trying my best to get you to love me back." One of his hands was outstretched towards Louis as the other gripped his stomach, eyes clenched. "Your friendship would mean the absolute world to me and I promise, yes I promise, that we'll die together because our friendship would last for eons." His hands arched up and came down to his sides in the form of a rainbow as he whispered the last word.