Kennedy Kardashian

Chapter Twenty-Eight

I had just gotten back to LA after being in New York for over two weeks and honestly it feels amazing because although I love New York I just couldn't be alone anymore.

I haven't spoken to Jack since the night of the Met and that was like four days ago. This has to be the longest amount of time that we went without talking except for rehab of course but I spent three months not talking to anyone so that was much different.

Shawn had been amazing the entire time I was in New York, he'd bring me to meetings and for the first time in awhile I felt comfortable just sitting back and talking to him about how I felt and everything I went through with the overdose and just everything else. He had actually suggested that I channel my feelings into something more productive and healthy. I mean any bad thing that would happen in my life my go to for coping would be drugs but he suggested writing, whether it was songs, poetry or even stories.

He actually sat me down and wrote a song with me about my experience with relapsing and just every feeling I had surrounding that trauma in my life. It was actually freeing, it was something I didn't realise I needed until we finished. We had finished a few songs actually.

I was on my way to my first appointment and I was incredibly anxious. I had no idea what to expect, not only because I don't actually know when this baby was conceived so the possibility that I fucked this kid up because of drugs would literally break me, not to mention I know Jack would never forgive me. I was also nervous seeing as I had to do this all on my own.

I pulled up outside the doctors, I kept the key in the ignition as I stared off at the entrance. Once I walk through those doors my life will change forever, whether I find out this baby is perfectly healthy or not I'm still having a baby and that scared the shit out of me. I had been living in denial since I found out and I couldn't do that once I step through those doors. I'm forced to take responsibility which is truthfully something I had been putting off.

I turned the car of grabbing my purse and phone and making my way through the automatic doors. A wave of cold air hit me as I stepped into the waiting room that sent a feeling of nauseousness throughout my body and made the hairs at the back of my neck rise. I stepped up to the front desk quickly checking in.

As the long process of checking in came to a close I walked to the back of the room taking a seat. I looked around at all the women who were at drastically different stages in their pregnancies. I was just thankful that the family OB was also a gynaecologist cause otherwise with all these bodies TMZ would've been notified already.

I looked over to my right at what looked to be a young mom holding a fussy baby. She looked exhausted, like she really hadn't slept in days and no matter what she did she couldn't calm him down. "Danny please" She pled as she bounced the baby. She looked over my way and caught me starting "sorry" she whispered

"No it's totally fine" I waved

I looked over to my left to see a woman who seems to be ready to give birth at any moment. She resembled what Kim looked like when she was pregnant. Everything was swollen, from her feet to her hands even her neck.

I closed my eyes and sighed. I began thinking, I really had no idea what I was getting myself into. Well until now.

I'm not supposed to be here.
I'm too young for this.
My body was at its prime and I was about to permanently alter it at such a young age.
I was stupid
I was going to swell up like a balloon
Gain way too much weight
Only to be left with a screaming baby
That I truly didn't know how to take care of
And really didn't want
If only I had just taken care of this before telling Jack