Clean Slate #Wattys2019

Chapter Seventeen

When I was making my way back to the hotel, I thought of all the people back home that I loved dearly. All the people that I would immediately want to tell about my interview and how confident my lack of confidence made me. It seemed to work for me for the first time ever in my life. I think Andrea noticed that my slightly self-deprecating tone was putting me at ease rather than doing me any harm.

As I looked around, I realized that I left all those people back in Boston with barely even a heads up. The more I tried to remind myself that this was a good thing and that this is what I needed to do, the less convinced I was.

I decided that I would plug my phone in and reach out to Kathryn, Noah, and Martha. They deserved better than this and I knew that before I even left, but I also needed to get what I deserve: my own peaceful way of coping. Maybe I would make my way back home at some point, maybe not.

For the first time in my life, I felt free of obligations. It may have just been the slight high that I was left with after the interview, but I felt like I had the world by the balls right now. The only happiness that I wanted to focus on was my own and I was going to do just that. I plugged in my phone and decided to go to the bathroom and change my clothes, I don't think I'll be going anywhere else today, especially not that requires me to wear the relatively nice clothing that I had thrown on for the interview.

By the time I finished, my phone was turning on, so I grabbed it off the nightstand and waited for it to fully turn on and finish loading. It's only been three days, there probably aren't that many messages.

And then the texts started coming in.

Kathryn: Dylan, please come home, this is ridiculous. I'm sorry I yelled at you and kicked you out, this has all just been very hard for me.

Noah: Hey bro, Kathryn's freaking out and honestly, it's kind of weird not having you here. Check in so I know you're alright, okay?

Martha: Dylan, honey, are you okay? I know I couldn't possibly understand, but I know you're not in a good place right now. Are you sure this was the best decision? Your home is here, you belong here. Your mom has come in a few times. She seems like an emotional wreck. Nothing is the same since you've left.

Kathryn: Stop being stubborn. At least let someone know that you're okay.

Kathryn: You're making everyone worry more than they should have to. We lost Nat, too. This is selfish of you at this point.

Kathryn: Natalie would kill you if you made her worry like this.

Noah: You okay? I'm starting to worry. Maybe even approaching Kathryn-level worry.

Martha: Give me a call when you get a minute, I just want to make sure you're okay. I have something exciting I want to tell you.

Kathryn: Come on, Dylan. This isn't funny anymore.

Martha: Doll?

Noah: Do you need me to come out there? If you need me or someone to be with you right now, I'll either buy myself a plane ticket or pay for whoever you need to get there. If space is what you need, just tell me you're okay and I'll get everyone to leave you alone.

After reading all the messages and listening to voicemails saying basically the same things, I decided to text them all back. I started with Kathryn because I knew that a.) by the time I finished typing out the other two texts, she would already have sent me a reply to the mile-long message I wrote and b.) she would be the handful because of how high her emotions are. She lost a best friend and someone she loved romantically, if she didn't, I wouldn't tolerate the guilt that she made me feel.