Clean Slate #Wattys2019

Chapter Nine

Eventually, I drifted off to sleep until I heard my name being whispered in the dark. I ignored it the first time, part of me just too scared of the voice in the dark after I only woke up partially. When it happened again, it wasn't as altered by my half-asleep state and it sounded less like a demon after my soul, and more like my little sister.

"Nat?" I whispered back.

"Yeah, it's me." She answered and part of me still sighed in relief.

Kathryn woke up on the other side of Natalie's hospital bed and sat up quickly. "Natalie? Are you okay? Do you need anything? I heard your voice."

"Yes, I'm okay," there was a pause. "Actually, can you run down to the cafeteria and get me drink and maybe something to snack on?"

"The cafeteria closed for the night a while ago, but I can definitely run to the vending machine or the gift shop downstairs if you want me to, they have stuff." She spoke softly and eagerly.

"Yes, please. You know what to get." Nat smiled politely.

"You know I do." Kathryn said sing songy.

When Kathryn left and closed the door behind her, she hadn't turned the lights back on, probably in hopes that Natalie would still be tired enough to possibly to fall back to sleep.

"What's wrong, are you okay?" I sat up and faced her bed even though I couldn't see much. The blinking lights of her machines had helped light up the room only slightly. I sat and tried to just wait for my eyes to adjust completely to the darkness.

"I'm scared." Her voice shook when she spoke and she sniffled.

"What're you scared of?" I asked her.

"I don't want to die." She choked out in a sob.

"You're not dying, Nat. You were in a coma for a while but your body needed the time to recuperate and it did and now you're awake and better than you were before you fell into the coma. A lot better, believe me."

"But what about if I'm just rallying? I might die and I won't know when or how long it'll take or if it'll hurt." My eyes widened when she said the word that I've been centering all my thoughts around for hours before I finally fell asleep.

"What're you talking about?" I asked with a lump in my throat.

"Come on, Dyl. How long did you really think you'd be able to keep it from me for? I heard you talking to Denise when she came in a while ago. I've been up thinking about it and trying to think my way out of it, but I just keep spiraling into worst case scenarios and it's scaring me. I don't know what to do or if there's even anything that I can do. That's probably the scariest part of all of this for me." She confessed.

"I'm sorry you overheard all of that, I didn't mean for you to, I thought you were sleeping. I didn't want to tell you because I didn't want you to worry. Which part scares you the most?"

"The part that I haven't had control over anything since I got in the car after Kathryn and I left prom. I was hit by some other car, which I had no control over because I didn't do anything wrong. How is he by the way? Did he get hurt?" She asked selflessly.

I didn't have the heart to tell her the whole truth yet. I knew I couldn't protect her from it forever, but the world is so much worse than I ever wanted her to have to see and unfortunately she became a victim of it and now she fears for her life.

"No, he wasn't hurt. He's okay from what I know, but don't worry about that. Worry about you and getting better." Truthfully, the cops hadn't gotten in touch with me yet, so my knowledge was limited.

"Oh, good!" She wiped tears from her cheeks and then continued to vent. "Anyway, I didn't have any control over the fact that I went into a coma after or over when I would wake up and now there's this thing looming over my head and I just don't know if it's really going to happen or not and I'm scared. I feel like someone else is behind the wheel of my life and I'm just clinging to the windshield and trying not to get hit by the wipers like some kind of bug." She let out a laugh in between her sobs at her ridiculous analogy.

I got up and sat on her bed next to her and pulled her into my side, hugging her, and laughed lightly. "You're not a bug! Listen to me," I held her out at arms length to the best of my ability since we were sideways. "We are going to get through this together just like we do with everything else. Whatever happens, you'll have me with you, okay? We'll figure something out, we always do." I wasn't sure if I was reassuring her or myself, but I know that it helped soothe me a little bit and I felt as she exhaled and let her shoulders loosen up a little bit.

She looked up at me from her lap and nodded with tears in her eyes. "Okay, I'm gonna hold you to that." She gave me a look that promised me that she wouldn't let me forget about this discussion.

She wiped her eyes at the same time as Kathryn walked back in with drinks and snacks for all of us. She didn't seem to notice Natalie wiping her eyes, for which I was thankful, and I could tell that Natalie was, too.

"I come bearing snacks!" Kathryn whisper-yelled when she closed the door as quietly as possible using her hip.

Natalie pat the bed in front of her and I switched on the lamp above her bed. "Let's see what you got!" I swear you wouldn't have even known that she was crying mere moments ago. She sounded happy and at peace.

Kathryn dropped a whole bunch of snacks right in front of Natalie's crossed, blanketed legs and we all started rummaging through them and deciding who would get what and everything felt normal and it didn't seem to matter how early it was. The silence of the world that surrounded us seemed respectful and peaceful, for the three of us was all we needed.