it’s been a week since you have been home and i’ve noticed dark circles under your eyes that weren’t there before. maybe i just forgot how you looked for a while.
today we were going to go into town and buy you some new things, seeing as you left everything behind and you look like you could use a few new shirts. but you said no.
“maybe next time,” you had said. “i just,” sigh. “don’t really feel like it…”
“oh,” i said, disappointed. “yeah, sure,” i brush off. “next time...”
my mother told me to let you do things at your own pace, seeing as that you’re just now adjusting (i don’t think you are yet), because you were gone for over a year.
you still haven’t told us why. you won’t even tell me.
“do you wanna talk about it?” i ask quietly, out of the blue.
your eyes widen the smallest amount before you shake your head and clear your throat. “no.”
“will you ever?” i ask.
“yeah.”
“when?”
you let out an angry huff and you stand up, obviously upset. i stand up, too, and reach out for you but you snatch your arm back.
“where are you going—“
“stop.”
hurt. that’s how i feel right now. you glance away quickly when you meet my sad eyes.
“i just wanna know—“
“you can’t.”
“why?” i yell, throwing my hands up in the air. “you were missing for over a year, jasper! someone has to know why!”
“i just need some time—“
“you’ve had over a year’s worth of time!”
you don’t answer as you stick your hands in your pockets. my shoulders drop and i feel like screaming, but i don’t.
“i’m sorry,” you say as you avoid contact with me. you walk slowly out the door and i call out your name, but you don’t listen.
“give the boy some time,” my mother had said.
“how much time?”
my mother shrugs and taps her fingers on the handles on her wheelchair. “enough for him to cope. he obviously went through something pretty bad, yeah?”
“yeah…”
“then give him time to sort his mentality out. he’s here, val. he’s okay. that should be enough for now.”
i’m sorry, too.
