Every word that I said

'You should have seen by the look in my eyes'

When he walked into the room he wondered if time would have healed some of the pain. He mused to himself, on the journey to where he was meeting her, that maybe two years wasn't enough time. The two years "thinking space" may have not been enough to erase the nine-year relationship they had. It would, most definitely not, erase the fact that they have three children growing up without a dad.

When he walks into the room, she was there. The anger radiates off her and he doesn't blame her. Her eyes match the colour of her hair, avoiding looking him in the eye. He's almost glad of this because it means that he won't cry, not straight away at least.

She had made the decision to meet him, after a question from Eve. They had been sitting around the table, on a Friday night. It had been a special occasion, so they had pizza. She should have seen it coming, she was well aware of the day coming up, she should have prepared.

She wasn't religious, but she had prayed to God, that she had kept a poker face. It had become painfully clear to her that they missed their dad, she had spent six months consoling them. She had been furious, she had been betrayed. They had been betrayed. That's why eight-year-old Eve's question startled her.

'Can I see my daddy?' Something so simple, the girl didn't know the sheer amount of pain that the simple sentence had caused the woman. This had then been echoed by her sisters and it became obvious that the older two hadn't forgotten their dad.

She had hoped they had, Eve had been nearly seven when he left, she was now three weeks shy of her ninth birthday. Ivy had just turned four, it hadn't even crossed her mind that she would have remembered her dad, but apparently, she did. There was no way her youngest would have remembered Joe, it would have been impossible for Billie to remember her as she was fourteen-months, but she was easily swayed by her elder sisters. Dianne wasn't even sure she knew what she was asking.

She knew that it would have come up sooner or later, she had just hoped it would have been later. She would have had longer to prepare, longer to come to terms with her betrayal, his betrayal, not only to her but their daughters, who were innocent in all of this.

That's how they are here, in the room together, for the first time in over two years. The room didn't hold any memories, it was just a mediation room in some random building in London, this was all arranged through a third party, she got given an address and a time, until she found herself in the lift up to the room in south London, she didn't know she was going to come, maybe she could have left Joe standing. It would have been cathartic for her, maybe he would feel some of the embarrassment she felt? Maybe not, Joe probably didn't feel embarrassment, not towards her anyway.

'Hi.' He states, the nerves evident in his voice. 'Thank you for' Dianne holds up a finger to stop him talking.

'I want an explanation' he notices how her demeanour changes, the gravity of the situation at the forefront of this discussion. 'I want a fucking explanation as to why you fucking did it' she spits, 'I don't want the apologises, I want your reasons why.' The man looks between the floor and Dianne, nodding slowly.

'This could take a while.'

'We have time.'

'What about the girls?'

'None of your concern Joe. I want the explanation.'

 

'Okay' the oxygen in the room has seemed to disappear and Joe wonders how he could still breathe? He didn't think he would get the chance to explain himself, to get her to understand his reasoning. Fuck, he wasn't even sure if he understood it. He gravitates towards one of the chairs, they remind him of the chairs they had in his home, their home. The chairs he used to sit on to read Eve and Ivy stories. He had imagined this moment for so long, he didn't know why all the words had been caught up in his throat, he had prepared for her to ask this he had practiced the speech in the mirror. Heck, he had even retold the story to various family and friends.

 

Except this time, he was telling her, the one person that actually mattered in this story.

 

A/N Thoughts? What do you guys think Joe has done......?