Every word that I said

'On the swing set at the old playground'

Seven and a half years ago

He had taken the small child out of the house, to give a heavily pregnant Dianne a break. 'Evie' he sings, as he picks her up, swinging her around as she laughs in pure glee. He smiles, as he takes everything in. He puts her on the floor, steadying her so that she doesn't fall. 'Let's go to the park.' They make a bee-line for the playground, the other side of the field. It doesn't look busy, Joe prefers it when it's quiet, something about screaming kids grate on him, obviously excluding his, of course.

He watches as she toddles around the park, waving to her bad as she triumphantly climbs up onto the apparatus. He's startled when someone comes up behind him, jumping he turns around, as the person pulls him into a bear hug.

'You've been off grid nearly five years.' The man mutters to him, waving at a small boy who has reached the top of a climbing frame. 'How are you?'

'Mmm.' Joe mutters. 'I can't be talking to you Caspar.' The taller guy shrugs. 'I really can't be talking to you and you know that.'

'We are two men in a playground, I'm assuming that is your kid?' Joe nods, he feels his heart swell. 'What's her name?'

'Eve.' He says, very quietly, almost if it was a secret. 'Eve Rina Buswell.'

'Is that your new surname?' Joe shakes his head,

'It's her mothers, I don't want to give her a fake identify. I told her I loathed my surname and I fell out with my parents before they died so I didn't really want to pass my name off on her. They seemed to buy it.' Caspar nods.

'How much longer are you on the op?'

'Until I get recalled, when it's complete, I guess.'

'Do they know about her?' Joe shrugs, the words of Clive echoing in his head, "do whatever." Turns out, he had to start going out with the Buswell girl, but it hadn't been part of the agenda, he had fallen in love with Dianne and their daughter was the most precious thing to him. 'You know I love you man.' Caspar starts, watching as the two kids make friends. In another world, they would have been friends from the moment they were born, except that isn't the world they are living in. They aren't in the idealist world Joe wishes they were. 'How are you going to say goodbye?'

'I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.' He promises, not letting a shred of doubt creep into his mind, 'are you still in contact with Zoe?' Caspar nods,

'from time to time.'

'Can you tell her I love her and I'm okay?'

'Of course, man, I know I can't give your location away.'

'Why are you even here?' It dawns on Joe that it could be dangerous  if Caspar lives near him, he would have to move or something, this is a very secret undercover operation.

'We are on holiday, I left Ambar with the baby and I took Ollie to the park.'

'You have a baby?' Caspar nods, a look of pride falling on his face, a feeling Joe can understand.

'Callie, Oliver and Callie. I assume that you aren't a single dad?'

'No. I've left my girlfriend at home, to give her some peace as she's seven-months pregnant.' Joe is careful not to let it slip, although Caspar could do some googling to find out who he is dating. Buswell isn't that common of name.

'Can I take a picture, of her? You can say no, I was thinking of sending it to Zoe?' Joe bites his lips, he would love his family to see his daughter, the daughter it is unlikely that they will ever meet.

'Subtly' he decides, 'make it seem like you're taking a picture of Ollie.' Caspar nods, not questioning why Joe wants that.

'Ollie, wave at me?' He shouts, starling the two children as they both wave and run over to the two men.

'Hello daddy.' Eve calls, following her new friend, pulling her into a hug as he watches Caspar "filming Ollie"

'I love you Eve Rina.' He smiles, kissing her cheek as Caspar, eventually, lowering his phone, not before Joe mouths hello, so that the child can't see what he's doing. Caspar's phone starts ringing. Joe watches as he keeps a poker face.

'C'mon Ollie, mummy wants us back.' The small boy pouts, not wanting to be dragged away from his new friend. When he's safely in the distance, Joe decides to take Eve for ice cream, smiling as she gets chocolate ice cream around her face. In that moment, Joe wonders if he will see her grow up. He knows this operation will be over at some point, would it be easier if he left now so that they wouldn't have any memories of him and they couldn't be hurt? It was a question that would keep haunting him. He had wondered if he should drop out, but his mission was completed. To him, it was adding up what would be worse, for him and for his daughter.

Seeing Caspar, it had been a wakeup call that had opened a pandoras box for him, to try and work out what the right thing to-do would be. He missed his "real" family and friends, it had all been brought back to him. The reality of the situation, this was people's lives he was playing with, not just his own.

 

Eve falls asleep on the way back; her eyes had been drooping the whole time they were walking back to the house. Joe was, quite frankly, surprised she had stayed awake. When they get home, he puts her to bed, Dianne smiling at the frame of the door as she watches her boyfriend say goodnight to their daughter, wondering how she got such a caring dad for her daughter.

Present day

'So why didn't you go then?' Dianne questions, looking out the window. 'You clearly had doubts.'

'I wanted to see my kids grow up, you were pregnant.'

'Oh, thanks for staying with me whilst I was pregnant.' Her voice dripping in sarcasm. 'Ever the gentleman.'

'It was selfish, I know.' His eyes well up involuntarily. 'I just wanted more time with you and the girls, to be a family. I knew when I got caught the girls would lose the chance to grow up with a dad, it would be cut short regardless, I didn't want to leave them prematurely.'

'Why didn't you go when you knew I was pregnant, it would have been less painful for everyone and you would have only ruined my life, you wouldn't have the option to ruin Eve's life, she remembers you, you know?' Joe perks up a little at this.

'She does?' Dianne nods, looking at the floor. Joe knows better than to press for details about what the child remembers. 'She's nearly nine, how is she doing at school? And the other two, Eve is year four, right? Ivy would be year one, right?' Dianne nods, biting her lip. 'And little Billie, has she started yet?'

'None of your business.' She snaps, he knows he's touched a nerve.

'I just want a chance with them, to put things right with them.'

A/N thoughts? I literally have no excuse as to why this took to long to get up, it has been written for weeks 😂😭 also did anyone see the first three of the strictly line up? And if you have what are your thoughts on them and who would you like to see? Unrealistically I want to see Jodie Comer but she's said she wouldn't go on there....