"You are enough"

Chapter 3

And as promised she was next to the girl when she woke up every time for about a year now. They were through a lot since they had first met. They survived everything: Ronnie's suicide attempt and the whole process of treatment, the court procedure with Oliver – who raped the girl, Ronnie's parents' divorce. And they were always together.
Ellie was there to protect and support the girl in everything and Ronnie offered her love - love and understanding that she had never truly got.
Ronnie cared for her – and Staple was grateful to her for it. For every prepared dinner waiting for her when she came back late- even though it's almost always some take-out. The warm baths with various oils and candles when she was too stressed. For her attention and respecting Staple's work. Their connection was indissoluble even in those hard moments.
Being so close was definitely a new thing, especially to Ellie. She often wondered how she could be so lucky to have Ronnie by her side. But there were also those moments when her insecurities got the better of her and she felt like losing her mind because of them. She never told the younger woman about it and Ronnie seemed not to notice it. She though that's Ellie's thing and it's okay to have a rough sex. She let her use blindfolds and handcuffs and fuck her senseless. It was always intense, but at a few occasions when Ellie was fucking her – with Marylin's Manson Personal Jesus playing in the background – she was almost sure she saw Jesus before passing out.
Each time Staple felt as if she was losing control it happened. It was fine, Ronnie didn't mind even if she was always sore and couldn't walk or sit after. She loved Ellie and was ready to let her do whatever she wanted to do to her.
But it got worse when they moved in together for real. Ellie began to act weird. She was even more insecure than before, which she thought was impossible.
It wasn't that the psychiatrist didn't want to live with Ronney. She wanted all of it – Ronnie, love, home. She was down for having a family – about which they talked a lot. Just she couldn't get over all that was going on in her head. She began to realize that her life used to be incomplete. She was always on her own, but then the thought of losing the girl was unbearable. She was aware that if anything would happen she wouldn't be able to live and function without Ronnie. She was frustrated. She used to be free and independent and then it changed. Everything was about them now not only her. And so she began to take it all out on Ronnie.
Their sex more and more often ended with the girl having bruises all over her body. Ellie began to spend more time at work or in her office at home. And the troubles began.

It was a long week. Ellie got a few new patients and slowly began to get stressed. It didn't go unnoticed by Ronnie, but she knew almost too well that Ellie wasn't the one to talk about what's bothering her so she didn't push. She focused on her own work and decided that her new exhibition can be a good reason for Ellie to take some rest.
She was going to remind the older woman about it, though having Ellie's tongue in her mouth and then in a different part of her body made it a bit difficult.
It was later that night. Ronnie woke up only to find an empty spot in Ellie's place. She groaned sitting up on the bed and then dressing in one of the psychiatrist's shirts. Ronnie made her way downstairs knowing that she will find her beloved girlfriend in her office – probably working on something that was stressing her over even more. And she wasn't wrong.
Ellie was sitting at her desk – dressed in her light blue nightgown and Ronnie's long cardigan. The woman had her glasses on and seemed to be focused on some papers. Was it going to stop the girl from disturbing her? Definitely no.
The younger woman knocked softly to the ajar door.
"Hi, doctor" she leaned against the door frame and looked at the other woman
Ellie looked away from her papers to catch Ronnie's sleepy eyes. She smirked seeing her only in her unbuttoned shirt.
"Are you planning on coming back to bed tonight?" the girl continued arching her eyebrow playfully
"I need to work a little"
"You're doing it every night" she stated coming into and making her way to Ellie "You need to have some rest too. You're overworking yourself" she continued standing behind the psychiatrist's chair and slowly moving her hands on the woman's arms "How about coming back to bed with me and finishing it in the morning?" she asked gently massaging Ellie's tensed muscles
"I cannot"
"You can" she said moving to sit astride on Ellie's lap, so that she could look at her
"And what do you think you're doing?" she asked caressing Ronnie's bare thighs
"Convincing my favourite doctor to come back to bed, I hope" she answered slowly taking off Ellie's glasses before kissing her forehead and nose
Ellie smiled when Ronnie's hands moved to gently massage her head. The girl shifted to sit more comfortably and the doctor slowly slipped her hands under her shirt to caress her abdomen and lower back. That's when it happen. Ellie noticed some black marks and scratches on the girl's neck. She tried to touch them, but Ronnie caught her hand. Their eyes met. The girl knew very well that if her girlfriend would see them she may have half a mind not to touch her for fear of hurting her.
"It's nothing" she said trying to hug the psychiatrist
Ronnie could feel how tensed Ellie's body became again.
"Show me" her eyes never leaving Ronnie's "Please" she continued slowly taking off the shirt
Staple carefully examined the other woman's bruised body. Her eyes moving from black marks on her neck to scratches on her collarbone.
"Turn back" the doctor demanded
"Ellie..."
"Turn back, please"
Ronnie gave up and did what the other woman wanted. As soon as she turned back Ellie could see even more scratches and bruises.
"Oh my god..."
"Ellie" Ronnie turned once again "It's alright. Everything is okay. Amazing actually" she repeated kissing the woman's face
"I- "
"Don't. Stop" Ronnie kissed her lips and began to slowly brush her honey curls "It's okay"
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"Tell you what, baby?"
"That I hurt you"
"You did not"
"You look like a victim of domestic violence, for fuck's sake!" she was ready to stand up, but Ronnie didn't let her
"Sit. Don't. Stop. Calm down and listen to me"
Ellie took a deep breath.
"It doesn't hurt as much as you think. And it's okay. We talked about it, remember? I don't mind it. You have it under control. Sure, it was a bit rougher lately, but you're stressed. And since you don't like to talk about it I don't ask. I'm fine. You see? I have all my limbs in place"
"I'm sorry"
"Don't be" she kissed her gently "I'll take whatever you have for me, baby" she smiled reassuringly