If I Can't Have You

Forgive Me

P. O. V. : Tom

       "Wait right here, ok Jeff?" I tell my security guard/driver. I open the car door and walk up y/n driveway. I thought it would be best if I apologize to her in person instead of doing it over text. I raised my hand to knock on the door but stopped about halfway, when the door opens up. 

      "Oh!" Anna exclaims, almost bumping into me.

      "Sorry, about that," I apologize, rubbing the back of my neck and taking a step back. She doesn't respond to me, her face started forming into a glare, but then changing to a look of pity.

     "I really liked you, Tom. So did y/n, a lot. I'm sorry it has to end this way," Anna whispers while passing me and patting me on my shoulder. My face changes to a look of confusion. I turnkey attention back to the door and see it slowly closing.

     "Wait, y/n," I take a step forward and stop the door from closing. "Please, I want to talk."

     "But, I don't want to," she responds with a quiet voice.

     "You don't have to, just listen," y/n slowly opens the door walking back a few steps to let me, but still not making eye-contact. "Thank you," I step inside and take off my shoes just as I always do each time I come. Y/n walks over to her couch and pulls her jacket closer to her body. I let myself take in her whole appearance. No make-up, her hair in a ponytail, joggers, a tank-top, and a jacket. Most of the girls I see, have on heavy amounts of make-up and always wear fashionable clothing even at home. Not to mention they put on a different persona anytime they go out. It is refreshing to see a girl be so simplistic and completely themself. Y/n pushes up her glasses while waiting for me to sit down and start talking.

     "I wanted to talk about what happened yesterday at dismissal. I know you saw me talking to Jennifer, and I know that you thought that I was going let her tutor me instead of you. But I didn't accept her offer," upon those words y/n looks up from her hands and at me. "I don't want her to tutor me, I want you too. Besides I barely know her."

     "You barely knew me when I started tutoring you," y/n pointed out.

     "That was different, it was my first day. And also you seemed different from everyone else, I got a different vibe."

     "Good different?" y/n questions with a smile playing at the corners of her lips.

     "Yes, a very good different," I answer. She starts playing with the hem of her jacket, most likely to prevent me from seeing the smile and the blush creeping their way onto her face.

     "So, are we good?" I ask while leaning my head down to capture her attention once again. She glances up at me and leans in for a hug, while I gladly accept her embrace, and letting her warmth and smell surround me. 

     "I'm sorry," she whispers.

     "What for, you didn't do anything wrong."

     "Yeah, but I could have handled the situation better instead of ignoring you and not talking things out with you," y/n explains. "Its just I got scared that you were gonna leave and I'm already-"

     "Attached," I finish, and I feel her nod. She slowly pulls away from me, and suddenly I'm cold.

     "Oh god," she starts chuckling. "If I can't handle this stupid misunderstanding of you leaving how am I gonna act when you actually have to leave?" I snicker along with her and look down at my feet, once again the guilt of all the lies about who I am weighs me down.

     "Awww, don't make me cry!" A different voice says. We both turn around and see y/n's mom with one hand on her chest and the other fanning her face.

     "Mommm," y/n whines while putting her face in her hands out of embarrassment.

     "Well now you can't leave Tom, you'll break my daughters heart," Carmen says with a hint of humor while taking a seat on the arm of the chair and rubbing my upper arm.

     "W-well, I-i mean, I don't-," I stutter and look like a fool.

     "He doesn't have a choice, mom," y/n sighs. " Please, leave. We are trying to have a friendly conversation," and moves her hand back and forth gesturing between us. Hearing her say that made me heart clench a little, 'friendly conversation', 'friends'. That's all she will ever see me as, a friend. Nothing more. Haz was wrong about her being jealous and about her feeling the same way. 

     I try and push those thoughts to the back of my mind, so what if we are only friends. We have a great time together and I'm happy whenever I''m around her. I only have a few months left here so I might as well make the best of them with y/n...ever if we aren't together. 

     "Alright, alright I understand when I'm not wanted," Carmen stands up and puts her hands up in defense. "But no funny business, alright?"

     "Mom!," y/n shouts and throws a pillow, which doesn't hit her mom but rather hits her mom's bedroom door as it closes.

     "I apologize for her behavior and her comments," y/n says while rubbing her forehead and tired smile on her lips. 

     "Don't worry about it, my mom is the same way," I chuckle remembering some instances.

     "Well, I have no doubt that if they ever met in person, they would become instant friends."

     "If? Didn't you say that you were going to visit me, may as well take your mom with you," I offer.

     "Oh yeah, you're right," y/n laughs. And the truth hits me, she could never come to visit me, even if she did know the truth and want mad, Marvel would still never allow it, not when we are filming. And who knows when we would finish, it could be months.

     "Hey," y/n says pulling me from my thoughts. "Do you want to have a Marvel marathon?" The corners of my lips pull to the ceiling.

     "Definitely."

     "Great, but let's watch at your hotel, so we can get away from my mom and maybe go swimming since we didn't yesterday."