Second Chances

Part 21

TWO YEARS LATER:

"Push Nikki! Push! You've got this"

I screamed, sweat covering my face as I leaned forward pushing with all of the strength I had. Breathing heavily I fell back against Asher who was behind me supporting me and wiping my forehead with a cloth.

"You got this love, just a few more pushes then our son will be in your arms and you will forget about all of this pain."

He whispered in my ear as I squeezed his hand tightly groaning and screaming in pain. I just wanted this to be over.

"Push Nikki!"

I groaned sitting up as another scream left my lips and I pushed one last time, I felt the baby leave my body and breathed a sigh of relief as I heard soft baby cries fill the room. I fell back against Asher completely drained from the entire ordeal.

"Ma'am there is a second baby coming you need to push"

I didn't have time to process what the doctor had said before another contraction hit and I was sitting up pushing again with all of my might.

I snapped out of the flashback as Alexander and Esme ran into the kitchen giggling. I rolled my eyes with a smile on my face.

"Be careful please we don't need you two getting hurt. So, no running in the house. If you want to act all crazy, go outside in the backyard please."

I spoke softly but sternly needing them to listen, I was too stressed out to have to rush them to the ER because they decided to break another glass thing in the house. I watched them run outside and slam the door behind them. I groaned running my fingers through my hair. I looked down at the test in front of me that I had placed on the counter. I couldn't believe that after only a year and a half of having the twins that I was pregnant again.

"Wifey I am home!"

My sweet Asher yelled from the front door.

I quickly grabbed the test and hid it in my sweater pocket not ready to share the news with my husband.

"I am in the kitchen Asher, and the kids are in the backyard!"

I yelled back before going to the sink and starting the dishes. What was I going to tell him? I was a stay at home mom who was building my writing career, as Asher supported the family at his well paying job, but still, was it going to be enough to support another kid? Was I ready to go through childbirth again?

"Honey?"

I jumped as Asher's arms went around my waist. I dropped the plate that was in my hand into the sink watching as it shatter and cut my hand. Because my hands were wet blood instantly starting gliding over my hand and down my arm. I just stood there as Asher quickly grabbed a hand towel and wrapped it around my hand.

"Honey are you alright? What is going on, you are acting strange."

Asher turned me around, grabbing my shoulders and lifting my chin up with his fingers looking down into my eyes searching for an answer. I pushed him away and I ran up the stairs locking myself in our bathroom, my hand hurt like hell and with the new pregnancy on my mind, I just wasn't ready to have that conversation with him when I didn't even know how I felt about it.

After cleaning the wound on my hand I started to stitch it up, I was still bleeding a bit, I held in each scream that wanted to escape my lips as I didn't even wait for the numbing cream to fully set in, I have been through this before because of my past with abuse and multiple visits to the hospital, but this wasn't anything compared to the scars that covered all different parts of my body, this was relatively small and easily handled on my own.

I snapped out of it, wrapped my hand in gauze and an ace bandage. I sat down on the floor when I was finished, with my back against the wall and let out the breath that I hadn't realized I had been holding in. I heard Asher enter our bedroom, he came and knocked on the bathroom door but I stayed quiet, I wasn't ready to face him or I would blurt it all out, that I was pregnant, and panicking and I was afraid to tell him because I was unsure of how he would react and I didn't want to do that. Not like this.

I kept my eyes closed with my head resting back against the wall and continued to take slow, even breaths. I could hear his feet shuffle around as he spoke.

"Okay Nikki, come out when you are ready to talk I have ordered us pizza for dinner, I hope you will join me and the twins for dinner," he leaned closer to the door and quietly spoke, "I miss you...."

A tear slid down my cheeks as I listened to his footsteps fade away telling me that he had left the bedroom and gone back downstairs. I rested my right hand on my stomach knowing that I wanted to keep the baby but I was terrified that the twins had had issues when they were born, and I didn't want to go through that again. They almost didn't make it, they were born early and had struggles with their heart and lungs. It took months for things to straighten out and for us to take them home, after their birth I was told that I couldn't have anymore kids and now I am pregnant, I didn't know if I should wait to tell Asher until the first trimester was over so I could save him the heartache if necessary. I took a deep breath and stood up hiding the pregnancy test under the sink in my makeup bag that was collecting dust. He would never look in there, it hasn't been touched in months.

I walked downstairs slowly removing my hand from my stomach so Asher wouldn't be suspicious. I walked into the kitchen just as Asher put the pizzas on the table, the twins already in their high chairs.

"MOMMY!"

The twins screamed reaching for me. I went over kissing them both on the head then went over to Asher wrapping my arms around his waist. He stopped what he was doing not saying a word as he wrapped his arms around me giving me a soft squeeze completely understanding that I needed time with no questions asked. He was very understanding when it came to my everyday struggles.

"I love you baby."

I mumbled softly. I nuzzled my face into his chest and he gave me another soft squeeze before whispering back that he loved me too. I pulled away after a few more minutes of just being in his arms and sat down between the twins as Asher brought over the pizza for us. I gave each twin a plate that had cut up pizza slices on it so they could actually eat it, they weren't ready for a whole slice yet no matter what they may say.