Limbo

Now I'll Never Know

RACHEL:

I'm not entirely sure exactly how long I've been here, but I know it's been at least a few months, if not years. It's kind of hard to keep track of time when you don't have clocks, or anyone to talk to. After the police finished turning the place upside down looking for me and Sawyer, or some idea of where they took us, it sat empty for awhile, until the bald guy and his wife bought it. They started doing all sorts of renovations to the place, and I heard them talking about turning the place into a hotel of some sort.

At first, I was just glad to have someone in the house, because I was starting to feel like the constant silence, and the emptiness of this gigantic monstrosity of a house, was going to drive me completely insane. Even though I don't seem to be able to communicate with anyone, just the sound of another human voice is like music now, and the new owners seem to be genuinely nice people, so I've been moving around the house a bit more, instead of just moping in my room.

I've tried a few times to let them know I'm here, by moving things from where they put them, but it seems like they, and most of the construction people, just write it off to their own absentmindedness. After they left that tool plugged up, and it started spitting sparks, I managed to make the lights flash, and got them back to the house in time to keep it from catching fire. After that, the woman, whose name is Susan, seems a little bit more inclined to accept that I'm here, even though her husband, Charlie, is still skeptical. But he told her that if "her ghost" can do things like that, then he's okay with it. To be honest, I still hate this place as much as I ever have, if not more, but they've put so much time and money into trying to make it into something nice that I couldn't make myself just let it burn.

Besides, it seems like I'm attached to this place now, whether I want to be or not. So I'm not sure how things would work if something happened to it. Would I go on to wherever people normally go when they die, or would I be destroyed along with the house? Or would I just have to wander around alone forever?

I was standing in the kitchen a few days ago, and heard Charlie talking on the phone to someone he called Bob, about opening the place up for guests. Apparently, this Bob guy knows some people who want to come to Canada, so it seems like we're going to have at least six people staying here for the next few weeks. I wonder if they'll have any kids with them? That was probably the only thing I missed when I left here with Sawyer; spending time with the little ones. I missed Evie terribly after she was sent away, but being with the other kids helped a bit. At least with the smaller ones, who hadn't started to think like their parents, believing all of the garbage that my father drilled into their heads. Hopefully, they actually took the kids away that day, like I heard them say over the police radio. If they can get those poor little munchkins away from this lunacy, and give them a chance at having a normal life, this may just about be worth it.

"Hey Suze, they're here!" Charlie yells from the living room. I go to the window of what used to be my room, and see a van pull up in front of the house. I watch to see the people get out, and I'm totally surprised to see Black Veil Brides piling out into the front yard, along with an older guy with shoulder length blond hair, just starting to go gray, who I assume must be Bob. They all grab their bags and come inside, and I can hear one of them asking about the fireplace. I can hear footsteps coming up the stairs, then the door opens, and Ashley steps inside, dropping his bags and looking around the room. He checks out the closet and the bathroom, then goes to the desk and plugs up his phone and laptop before going back out into the hall. I follow him, and see that he and the other guys are going back and forth, checking out each others rooms, then they go back downstairs.

I hear the van start up again, and when I go back downstairs, only Susan and Charlie are here, starting dinner in the kitchen. I see that she's making fettuccine alfredo, and it looks so good that it makes me wish I could still eat. I don't actually get hungry anymore, of course, but Italian food was my favorite, and I still remember how good everything used to taste. I think that may actually be one of the worst things about being dead; you remember all of the things you used to be able to enjoy, but can't anymore. Good food, sex, even simple human interaction are completely out of reach now.

A little bit later, the van pulls back into the driveway, and everyone gets out carrying grocery sacks and cases of beer or soda. I see Bob and Jinxx engaged in some sort of conversation, and notice that Bob seems to be a bit annoyed. Everybody laughs at something he says, but stop quickly when Bob doesn't appear to see the humor, and they all come back in and take the stuff to their rooms. A few minutes later, everyone comes back down, and they sit down to dinner. It's kind of odd, because Jinxx seems to be sort of hyped up about something, which causes Bob to give him sour looks, and the others are strangely quiet.

After the meal, one of the guys mentions something that they heard at the grocery store, and ask about what happened here. Charlie and Susan seem to be a bit apprehensive, but they explain the basic details, and then Jinxx asks about the possibility of the house being haunted. Susan admits that she's open to the possibility, but when he wants to bring a spirit board in, she flatly refuses, and even threatens to throw him out if he does. This basically tells me that she believes a bit more strongly than she's let on, or she wouldn't be so adamant on the subject. So maybe I should try to see if I can find some way to actually interact with one of them. Since they're both more open to the idea, maybe it will be easier to get their attention. I'll have to try to think of a way to do it that isn't too extreme, so I don't accidentally scare somebody, so I'll try to start coming up with ideas, and maybe in a few days I'll actually be able to communicate with someone again.

A little while later, everyone heads upstairs to their rooms, except Bob, who stays to talk to Susan and Charlie for a bit before going to his room. I go up, and wander through the rooms, checking on things, and find CC on the phone, talking to someone named Tiff, which I assume must be his girlfriend. Andy is skyping with Juliet, Jinxx is noodling around on his violin, and Jake and Ashley are both showering. When I go back to my old room, where Ashley is staying, I see that he's forgotten to take his devices off of the chargers, so I unplug them, roll the cords up, and put them on the lid of the laptop, so they don't overcharge.

He comes out of the bathroom, turns off the light, and gets into bed, only to get back out almost immediately. He walks to the desk, and mumbles something about thanking Susan when he sees that the electronics are unplugged, then goes back to bed. I can see that he's looking out the window for a little while, but eventually his eyes close, and his breathing evens out, so I know he's asleep.

I wander back through the house, making sure that all of the doors are locked, and everything is turned off, then make another pass through everyone's rooms. Jinxx has left the bathroom light on, and Andy's faucet is dripping, so I turn them both off, and finally go back in to check on Ashley. He's still asleep, but has managed to fling his sheet off, and is sprawled naked across the bed. I go to pick the sheet up from the floor, and even though I know I really shouldn't, I take a quick glance at him before I cover him back up.

He really is an incredible-looking guy, and I can't stop myself from wondering what it would have been like if I'd actually gone with him that night. I have to admit to myself that if Sawyer and I had already started the process of our divorce, I honestly might have considered it. He's smart, charming, absolutely gorgeous, and there's no question that he knows what he's doing. Being a rock-star's booty call isn't something I would normally see myself doing, but Sawyer was not only my first love, he was my first everything, and I can't help but wonder if it might have been different with Ashley, or anyone else, for that matter.

But now I'll never know.