Save Me

Chapter 25

The rest of the week went by slowly, as I could never focus in class or bring myself to speak to anyone. The normal silence in the hallways turned into quiet mumbling and occasional laughing. I could see that even other people were traumatized by Ariana's death, knowing the things that could happen any second of any day in just one swift movement.

The only people who really seemed like they couldn't care any less were the same kids who anyone would expect: Cameron and his group of friends. They were one of the main reasons why she's gone. He tortured her while they acted as his 'sidekicks.' I wanted to tell them off more than anything, but I just decided to keep my mouth shut. More drama really isn't necessary at this point.

I don't think I need the counseling or therapy, even though the teachers keep telling me I should go. There's a difference between being traumatized by something and just being dejected. I'm still just trying to cope with the reality of what really happened. It's hard to accept the fact that she's gone, just when I was starting to get used to having her in my life.

Ariana's death keeps bringing back memories of my sister. My mum tries as hard as she can to take my mind off of both of them, but it never really works. I appreciate that she's trying, though.

I keep the note that Ariana wrote for me in a locked drawer in my room. I can't lose it. I've been reading it every night, over and over. It's a constant reminder that I'm not dreaming; that she's really gone.

 We finished our book in English, but I'd asked Ms. Greendale if I could keep one, since it was Ariana's. She couldn't really tell me no. The book was what caused me to meet Ariana in the first place; to know about what she was going to do.

I keep thinking of that first note that I found, when I first met her. The one for her mum. It was short and simple. The one that she wrote for me was over a page long, more than just a plain "I'm sorry for everything."  I can't help but wonder what she wrote for her mum this time around.

Zayn has been trying to comfort me, since my other friends don't think that they should bother me right now. I barely hear a word he says when he talks to me, but I always say thank you, anyway. He's honestly a great friend, and he's the only one I can trust.

I still haven't told anyone but Zayn why Ariana took her life. I know that I should, but I want to let them figure it out by themselves. I want them to figure out the names of all the people who'd ever really hurt her, and I wanted them to know who they were. They may feel bad now, but it's too little, too late.

We lost her.

***

Friday was the funeral. Almost the whole town came, even some people that I didn't know. People made small talk, but I could tell that it was just to break the silence. I stood in the corner of the room, not sure if I wanted to look at the body or not.

I saw Cameron walk by and I clenched my fists. He walked over to a middle-aged woman who I'm guessing was his mother, since I know that he wouldn't have come here voluntarily. He didn't notice me there, but I didn't want him to.

Ariana's mum was talking to a small group of people, nodding and putting on a fake smile. I thought I was going through hell when Ariana left, but I can only imagine what this woman is going through right now.

The room became silent once the minister walked in and stood in the front of the room. Everyone sat down, but I stayed in the back corner. He didn't say much.

"We are here today to pay our tribute and our respect to a woman of God, our sister, Ariana," he said, "We are here today to show our love and support for Ariana's very precious family. Not only have we sensed our own personal feelings of loss over Ariana's passing, but our hearts have been drawn toward them, and will continue to be with them." The only other sounds besides his voice are the tiny sobs coming from Ariana's mother and the rest of her family, who were sitting in the front.