Real(ity) Feelings

Chapter 16

The next morning, Joe felt a feather light touch on his bare back, tracing up and down his spine from his neck to just above his shorts, back and forth, over and over again. He let out a content sigh, opening his eyes and finding Dianne less than an inch away from his face, eyes wide open and staring at him like she was trying to stare into his soul.

Without a second thought, he leaned forward and pressed his lips against hers and as she sighed happily against his lips, he felt the next few words begin to tumble out before he could stop them.

"Good morning, my love."

He felt Dianne's sharp intake of breath before he forced himself to open his eyes. He had done enough hiding in the last three weeks - first, about his job, and now about the true depth of his feelings for her. He knew she was still holding something back, and he had told himself to keep his true feelings buried deeply until he had cracked her tough shell. But to be honest, he was sick of it. He was sick of trying to get his feelings across through a kiss, or through a hand squeeze. Or through calling her silly nicknames that didn't accurately portray his deeper feelings. He honestly didn't care that Dianne was clearly holding back a secret - he knew he would accept whatever it was, because at this point, he couldn't imagine his life without her.

As his eyes opened, he was slightly surprised to see Dianne's deep hazel ones staring directly back at him. He reached out to softly grasp the side of her face, rubbing his thumb over the deep dimple in her cheek that he had grown to love so much.

"Dianne," he started, his voice just barely over a whisper.

---

Dianne felt her heart thumping wildly in her chest, as she heard Joe whisper her name. She was acutely aware of her surroundings - the soft snores of the other contestants, the heat coming from their little cocoon of covers, and the soft touch of his thumb moving against her cheek. It was almost as if time was standing still, waiting and holding its breath.

"I almost just apologized for my word choice just then," Joe continued, his voice shaking slightly. "But I don't want to say I'm sorry. I'm sick of pushing my feelings down just because we're two strangers who met on a weird reality show and have only known each other for three weeks."

In spite of the serious mood, Dianne couldn't help but smile, leaning her head into his hand a bit more.

"I want to feel free to call you any and every soppy term of endearment I can think of because you have quickly become my everything. And I probably should have told you that from the second day here, because that's pretty much how long it took for me to figure out...Dianne Buswell...I'm falling in love with you," Joe finished, his voice no longer wavering.

Dianne stared at him in awe, the normally shy Joe was staring straight into her eyes, and she could feel the seriousness pouring out of him. She felt as though she were about to burst - there were so many things she needed to tell him. As the weeks had gone by, her feelings of guilt about keeping the real reason why she had gone on the show had grown to an almost unbearable level. Yet, she had always found an excuse to remain silent. The Oasis Island bubble was too good to burst - and she had tricked herself into thinking that maybe she could just keep it from him forever.

It wasn't that big of a deal - she had gone on a reality show in hopes it would further her career. Joe had admitted the same week one. Only now, after Joe had spilled his heart to her, she felt like her choice of holding back for so long was actually stabbing her directly in the chest. Her past wasn't as clean as his - there were bumps in her history, some quite big, and difficult to talk about. It all mixed together into a big mess in her head - hard to pull out the details she wanted to share versus the ones she needed to share, and how her personal life and relationships intertwined with her intentions for coming on Oasis Island. She grasped his hand against her face even tighter, before opening her mouth, feeling truly ready to come clean - about everything.

"Attention contestants - please make your way out to the pool IMMEDIATELY to await the arrival of a new houseguest."

Dianne shut her eyes, almost in pain. The bloody intercom had interrupted her countless times before, but none at a moment that felt so monumental. She felt Joe's hand drop from her face, and instantly the magic of their moment had dissipated - she felt like she was trying to grasp onto little grains of sand as they fell through her fingertips as she reached out blindly trying to grab his hand and bring it back to her.

She snapped her eyes open again, and saw Joe retreating from the bed, looking at her with a small, almost sad, smile. She stared into his eyes, willing him to understand that she hadn't meant to leave him hanging - that his feelings were reciprocated and that she wanted to scream it from the rooftops - but that she just had more to tell him first, more to explain.

Yet a second later, he was turning around and heading to the bathroom, leaving her sat in the middle of their bed, wondering if she had just lost her chance.

---

Joe stood outside, willing this stupid welcoming scene to end as quickly as possible. Part of him wanted to get back to his and Dianne's interrupted conversation - but part of him wanted to run all the way back to the UK at top speed, never to look back.

He had never told a girl he loved her. Never. And he couldn't believe that he had just told Dianne in such clear terms, after just three weeks. And what made him feel more uncertain was that he hadn't been able to read her expression, for the first time ever. Seconds before he had gotten out of bed, he swore he had seen pure joy flash across her face - but then in an instant, a darkness had clouded her eyes and he found himself retreating, returning to the shy Joe Sugg that had entered the mansion three weeks before. He couldn't face her response...so he walked away.

Joe felt Dianne shuffle uncomfortably next to him as the host droned on and on to the camera. He hadn't been able to make eye contact since they had walked outside, still too nervous to see the expression on her face. He knew deep down this was hurting her, and he hated that he didn't know how to handle the situation differently.

"Everyone, please help me in welcoming your newest housemate," the host announced in a loud voice, "Marco!"

Joe watched as a tanned, dark haired man walked around the fence line toward the group. He looked strong - but in a different way from the other guys. He was leaner, shorter and his curly dark hair was long against his neck. He looked suave - the only word that came to Joe's head. He thought he heard Dianne gasp next to him but when he finally glanced her way, she was starting straight ahead, a stony look on her face.

The group made its way across to the bar, following their weekly ritual of welcoming the new houseguest with a drink. Marco smiled and greeted each member of the house, making small talk as he went down the line.

Joe stuck his hand out when he finally approached him, feeling his strong grip as they shook hands and made pleasantries.

"Hi mate, I'm Joe," he started, trying to sound cheerful.

"Hola, I'm Marco," the mysterious newcomer responded, making Joe realize he had a thick Spanish accent. "It's nice to meet you Joe. You've been here since the beginning, then?"

Joe reached up to scratch the back of his neck, feeling nervous for some unknown reason. He knew the incoming contestants watched the show leading up to their arrival, but it still felt unnerving for this stranger to know these details about him.

"Um, yeah," he responded. "Since day one - I've been uh, partnered with...with Dianne...since the start." He gestured next to him, to where Dianne had been standing, oddly silent and withdrawn.

Joe watched as Marco shifted his gaze toward the small redhead next to him. The newcomer's face broke out into a wide smile that spread all the way up into the crinkles around his eyes. He reached out and touched Dianne's shoulders, rubbing them slightly. Joe felt himself pull back to watch their interaction, his face, he was sure, giving away the pure and utter shock he was feeling.

Dianne, to her credit, looked about as uncomfortable as she could be, her mouth drawn downward into a small frown, her eyes narrowing as Joe watched her physically recoil from his touch. He dropped his hands, clasping them in front of him as he realized everyone was watching.

"Dianne," he cooed, in a low voice. "How have you been, love? It's been so long since we danced in Melbourne."