Patroclus & Achilles (AU) (completed)

Chapter 7

*Patroclus' POV*

"What did I do?" I say to myself, laying on my bed, a few hours ago I kissed the guy, I may say, I consider my bestfriend. I'm not gay, I have never had feelings for a boy before but, to be honest, do I have feelings for Achilles? Or did I just do it because I was sad and alone? Why did he do that for starters? I never thought someone like Achilles could be gay.

Time passes by and I can't stop feeling like we did wrong, I did wrong, so okay, Briseis cheated on me but that doesn't give me the right to go and jump on someone's else arms, most importantly, that doesn't give me the right to go and make out with my friend, it's just not correct. I feel like I took advantage of him, but then again he didn't resist, if he didn't resist maybe he was just doing for me to feel better and we should let this in the past, that's probably the right thing to do in any case.

I decide to skip school the next day, it's not like I'm going to lose something interesting by not going. Instead, I call a taxi and he drives me to the beach.

I've always loved the beach here, my mom and I used to come all the time and I just felt... Happy. And ever since, everytime I felt sad and wanted to get out of wherever I was I came here, almost no one comes here, I have no idea why but everytime I come only a few people are here.

Around noon I start losing my mind, I want to talk to Achilles and explain to him that I'm worried about what I did, that I shouldn't have and that it won't happen again but I don't seem to be able to take the phone and call him, he is in school so yeah, maybe is for the best if I don't.

I find a palm tree and sit under it, it's a sunny day but I somehow feel like it will rain in any moment, or maybe it had to do with my mood, it felt like a constant rain was happening inside of me. 

I guess that what really bothers me is that I know I love and have loved Briseis for a long time and nobody would ever be good enough to replace her. Her sense of humor, her charm, her good looks, her great personality, her need to help others but the fact that she felt the need to cheat on me was never going to go away too, maybe it was my fault, by not making her happy enough or maybe it was hers for not knowing how to truly appreciate someone who truly loves her. But then on the other hand, is Achilles, I do not feel in love with him and in fact, I know I am not in love with him, I've known this guy for not a long time but at the same time it feels as if I've known him for all my life, as if we were friends on a previous life, everytime I've spent with him has somehow turned into the happiest moment, he is able to bright everyone's day, my more than any others' but yet I know we can't start a relationship but the most I think about it, the more I come close to the conclusion that maybe, he doesn't want a relationship, he just wanted to do something like making out with a boy or some shit.

"Why so lonely?" Ask a voice from behind the palm tree I am sitting, I jump to my feet only to find Achilles laughing at me.

"W-wh-at are you doing here?" I didn't tell him I was coming, nor did he know this is my favorite place on earth.

"I asked Briseis which place was most likely for you to find, I obviously don't know it but she did." There was something in his voice I couldn't quite put a finger too, it wasn't jealously but it was just something there.

"Yeah, she know everything I guess, maybe that's why it didn't work. There weren't really more new or different things for us to do" I say with an undeniable defeat in my voice.

"I think she does love you, she asked me if I could convince you to talk to her, I didn't have the hearth to tell her I didn't want you to talk to her" He says as he starts walking closer to me. "I don't think I'm strong enough to see you guys back together." and looks me right in the eye.

"Who says we would come back together? I don't forget cheaters." my heart starts racing as it has probably done few times in my life.

"I delivered my message but in any case." He sighs so loud it make me chuckle. "you should talk to her, maybe she will give you a more broad sight of what was happening at the moment."

"Everyone knew, and you know that, there isn't really more to know." 

"and you know that, because? Do you read her mind? Are you in her body? I am not saying go talk to her to give her a second chance or because I'm a fan of that but, I really think, you deserve to know the truth." He leans by the palm tree and smiles.

"Yeah, I guess you're right I just... Don't feel like facing her after..."

"After making out with me. I see." He says looking to the dawn, avoiding my eyes. "Yeah, I should have thought you would regret it. I don't." He says in such a bold way I'm taken off guard.

"Y-you what?" My heart starts racing even faster than before and I didn't even know that was possible.

"Why would I regret it? I'm a fan of not regreting what you've done, you did it for something, of course that's me." 

"Oh... I see. Well... In that case, I don't... Regret it either, not really because of what you just said, I didn't regret it before."His face lights up when he hears those word it makes me smile. "I guess, I just can't make out my mind between what I feel." And just as sudden as his face brighten up it looks different again. "Don't take this the wrong way, please, don't." I say coming closer by some magnetic force. "I just, I-I.. I-I guess I like you but it's too soon and- well, I don't love or anything an-and I don't know what you feel about me."

"Well, at least you like me, I'm not waiting for you to love me after a thing like what happened with Briseis but, as for me, I like you. I've liked you since we first talked, you're not only extremely handsome but intelligent and interesting and I've the best times with you." And I can't help it but smile. "Now, the sun isn't completely gone, we should enjoy it and stop talking, I just want to enjoy every moment I can with you as long as you let me." He says and sits down right where I've been a few minutes ago, patting the place next to him for me to sit there. I do so and I put my head over his shoulder, I feel him kiss the top of my head and for some reason it isn't bothersome or embarassing, it's good, to be here with him like that.