The Good Girl Plays the PLAYER

Chapter 32

"Liam? It's me, Nichole," I say softly and he slowly lifted his head to look at me. He's eyes were bloodshot, swollen and seemed blank, as if devoid of a soul. It was like I was looking at the shell of the person I love and he wasn't there. His skin tone was pale, pasty looking, if I didn't know any better I would think he was ill, but I did know better, he was high, I just didn't know on what. He looked straight at me, or should I say, right through me as if I wasn't even there and it was scaring me. This is my fault, I knew he was more fragile than he let on to everyone else, deep down I knew and yet I did nothing but doubt him, hurt him and now I'm worried I've broken him beyond repair.

"Liam?" I call out to him again a little louder, desperation and worry clear in my voice, trying to brake him out of this trance he seems to be in, but he doesn't move, nor blink, he just sits there doing nothing. I gently cup his face with the palm of my hands, my thumbs gently stroking his cheeks, drawing circles and I'm grateful when he doesn't flinch this time at my touch, I'm grateful that he allows me this much contact. I can't help but cry at the state he's in and instinctively, I press my lips on his, trying with all my heart to transmit all my love, hoping that he will feel something, feel me and wake up. When I pull away he blinks a couple of times and finally he seems to focus and recognise me. I feel relieved, but it was too soon to feel that way as his eyes turned cold at the sight of me. "What are you doing here? Go away!" He said in a cold monotone voice, then buried his head back onto his knees. "Liam, I'm sorry! I should never have left you and I..." his head shot up and anger, pure undiluted anger emanated from him. GO AWAY! GO AWAY! GO AWAY!!! He kept on screaming over and over again and I fell backwards from shock and surprised by his sudden outburst.

Both my brothers ran to my side as if to protect me, Derrick holding Liam away from me, and Travis whom I didn't even notice arrive, pulling me away from Liam. Did they think he would hurt me? Would he? No, no, there's no way. "Stop! He's not going to hurt me! Please, I didn't even get the chance to tell him...!" I scream desperately but stop mid sentence. I don't want say it like this, not with anger and hate in the air. "Tell me what huh! Huh!" Liam barks back while struggling to get Travis off him. I want tell him, I do but not like this, not when he's high and not in front of my brothers."Well? Come on then, what is it? You forgot to say something else? Did you want to tell me about your new boyfriend? Well? Go on, spit it out!" I look around me and all eyes are on me, waiting for me to speak, but when I open my mouth to speak, nothing comes out. I feel like a fish out of water, my mouth opening and closing without uttering a sound and I don't know what to do.

"Not saying anything? Then leave, because I can't stand the sight of you, you're an eyesore and I fucking hate you!!!" Despite his harsh words, no matter how much they hurt me, I don't want to runaway, not this time and whatever the outcome I won't regret telling him how I feel. With my newfound courage, I shrug my brother off me and walk bravely towards Liam, Derrick still holding him firmly in place, while Liam glares at me, huffing and puffing, his chest rising and falling heavily, his temper ready to explode again. As I get closer I can feel my mouth getting dry, the tears rolling down my already soaked cheeks and I stop in front of him, closing my eyes, taking in a deep breath and then utter the three words I had held back for so long.

"I love you!" The words came out in barely a whisper, but when I opened my eyes, I am met with bewildered ones. "What?!" He says softly, in disbelief, while making my heart hammer like crazy like it used to. It took me all the courage I could muster to say those few heartfelt words and now I have to say it again, but I don't mind, I will say it however many times he needs me to, as many times as it takes for it to sink in. "I love you! I really, really love you! I've probably loved you the entire time! Despite my better judgement, I still love you! You have been rude, hurtful and a lot of the time just plain hateful and yet I can't seem to stop loving you! You have carved yourself into my heart and I can't erase you no matter how hard I try. I am a pathetic fool that is in love with you, that has been afraid to tell you for so long, afraid that you would hurt me again and again, that you would play me like you did with all the other girls and brake me beyond repair. But when I left you tonight, I regretted it straight away, then this happened..." I wave my hand around the room, showing him the mess and destruction around us. "...then when I saw you crouched in that corner..." I start crying uncontrollably all over again, unable to finish my sentence.