holding on til may » pierce the veil

» fourteen «

It's been about a week since the party and the boys had a show in a couple of hours. We were all sitting on the couch just talking about random stuff.

"Hey, Mel?" Alice said, looking towards me.

"What's up?" I replied back.

"Can I talk to you? Alone?"

"Uh.. sure." I pecked Vic's lips. "I'll be right back, babe." I smiled and got off of his lap.

Alice and I walked into our room and closed the door. I took a seat on my bed and crossed my legs. She sat on her bed and crossed her legs as well.

We sat there in silence for a little bit and I could tell that she was thinking.

I finally spoke up. "So what did you want to talk about?"

"Oh, right. Um, your know how our cycles are linked up?" She began talking about our periods which made me realize that I haven't gotten mine. I really hope she hasn't gotten hers yet. I slowly nodded my head. "What about it?" I questioned.

"You tell me when you get yours every month. And then you complain about needing tampons because we both go through so many, so quickly." She explained. "But you haven't said anything and I just ended mine." I immediately widened my eyes.

"There's no way." I said in a worried tone.

"Well have you gotten your period yet?"

"No..." I said softly.

"Okay. Don't freak out yet. Tonight when the boys go off to their show, we'll go to the closest store and pick up a few tests. I noticed it when my period ended yesterday that it's been a week and you haven't said anything about it or used any of our tampons."

I nodded and tried to stay calm but all these thoughts were rushing through my head. I literally fooled around with Vic and Mike in the same day! If I was actually pregnant, how would I know whose it was?

Alice snapped me out of my thoughts. "So... If you actually were... you know... Whose would it be?" She said, basically reading my mind.

I shrugged. "I did it with both of them. In the same day. That sounds terrible, I know bu-"

"I've told you once, I'll tell you again. You were drunk. That doesn't make you a terrible person." She said, not letting me finish my sentence. "But you should figure it out as soon as possible. Or tell them both."

"Not until I'm 100 percent positive. About the pregnancy and whose kid it is. Can we change the subject now?" I asked, feeling slightly uncomfortable about the whole situation.

She nodded. "Wanna rejoin the boys?"

I nodded and we made our way out of the room.

"Oh look whose back!" Vic said cheerfully. I sat back on his lap. "Is everything okay?" He asked softly, so only I could hear.

All I did was nod. I didn't really say much for the rest of the time because I was mainly just lost in my head. If it's Mike's, how would I tell Vic? And if it's Vic's, does he even want kids? Would he hate me and break up with me? Oh god, what would everyone else think? Could this effect their career?

I began really scaring myself and went to grab a glass of water. I have really bad anxiety and me thinking like this was making me really anxious. I started breathing really heavily and felt myself beginning to have an anxiety attack so I quickly walked into my room with my glass of water and locking the door.

I had forgotten to pack my anxiety meds that I take when I get like this so I really just had to deal with it.

I was getting really shaky so I put the glass down and put my head in my hands and began crying softly. I didn't want anyone to hear me and question what was wrong.