Not by Blood - BEING REWRITTEN IN SEPARATE STORY

Chapter One

EDITED ON 5/30/2020

"I'm sorry. . . Clary. No, I'm sorry, Clary." He sighed. "Clary, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Clary." Nothing he could come up with seemed like enough, but he needed to apologize. He needed to make it right.

That's why Alec Lightwood was stalking down the hallway towards Clary Fray's room in the New York institute.

The guilt was eating at him. He'd been so weak, he'd let a demon inside him, allowing it to take control of his mind and body. He'd killed Jocelyn Fairchild, Clary's mother. Clary had just gotten her back, she'd just saved her from Valentine's clutches, only to have someone she trusted kill her in cold blood. Because that's what he was now, a cold-blooded killer.

Alec sighed and mussed his hair in frustration and self-loathing. He wanted to be rid of these thoughts that were plaguing him, but he knew he deserved no less.

The moment that Clary saw what Alec had done, the moment after they'd watched the footage, the sound of her voice, the tears in her eyes, the way she couldn't even look at him; all these things played over and over in his mind, like a never ending cycle that just wouldn't break.

Alec initially hadn't even liked Clary, so these feelings and their strength surprised him at first. He'd have thought had he ever done anything to upset Clary he wouldn't mind, but now he felt guilty, not only for killing her mother but for every unkind word or look that he'd had for her. Even the ones that she wasn't aware of. He wished he could take them all back.

He'd thought she didn't belong in the shadow-world, yet she had just as much of a right to it as he did. He'd thought she was a distraction for Jace, Jace doesn't even spare her a second glance now. He'd thought she was a threat, she hated Valentine just as much, if not more, than he did. He'd thought she was weak, but now he'd seen first-hand just how strong she was.

A month ago, Alec would have died before ever admitting that he admired the likes of Clary Fray but seeing how strong she had been he had to admire it, even though he knew that she shouldn't have to be so strong. Clary should've had someone to lean on, but Simon was busy with his family or something, Alec didn't care enough about the newly turned vampire to listen to his whining. Jace, after finding out that he was Clary's brother, had stopped speaking to her unless necessary. Luke had turned his back on Clary after the news of Jocelyn's untimely death had gotten out. Clary had no one, and for that Alec felt worse. He'd really taken away two people if you thought about it. By killing Jocelyn he'd made Luke leave as well.

Feeling worse than ever, Alec paced back and forth outside her door mumbling to himself...

"I'm sorry. Clary, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Clary. Clary, I'm so sorry." He sighed and steeled himself. Shaking his head as if it would shake his fears and doubts away. He raised his fist and pounded on the thick wood of the door before pushing it anyways.

"Hey." He said lamely. His eyes washed over the scene in front of him. Clary's room was neat and organized, but the bed covers were rumpled. Clary was sitting on the edge of the bed toying with what looked like a photo and a lock of hair. Her shoulders were slumped inwards and her face a mask of pain and sadness. The light in her eyes had been dimmed and her usually unruly hair seemed limp and lifeless. Alec averted his eyes, feeling a stab of pain run through his chest at the knowledge that he'd done this to her. "Look, I uh..."

"Please don't." Clary interrupted in a hoarse voice, as though she hadn't talked in the days since Jocelyn's death, which was entirely possible as no-one had seen her leave her room since that day.

"Clary, I am so sorry." He blurted out, ignoring the younger girl's request. "I would do anything, I mean anything to take back those thirty seconds, to get your mom back."