Steve Rogers

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Steve,

Hey there, captain. Miss me?

God, writing this letter as I see you playing with James hurts me more than anything. I can’t even began to imagine what you are feeling right now, because I know I would be feeling the same way if this was the other way around. But hey, one time you say you would trust me to save your life and that’s what I’m doing now.

The first time I saw you, I was really curious to see how Captain America would turn out to be. And then you smiled at me and I was completely sure you would be part of me. Just that I didn’t imagine you would become such a vital part.

When we started to work together, as partners I had the opportunity to know the man behind the mask. The Steve that feel out of place in a new world, the one who missed his best friend and who didn’t know a thing about the modern world. The men out of the ice that was scared but didn’t say anything and just put on a mask and become the perfect superhero.

But I got to know you as you did with me. You became my best friend and the only person who I could trust besides Clint.

At the beginning I didn’t let myself feel anything. I repeated every day that love was for childrens. That I only was feeling something because you were almost the perfect man. But I knew that wasn’t truth. Because I knew you. I knew your temper wasn’t as perfect as everybody believed it was. I knew about the nightmares that you had almost every night. I knew your secrets.

And soon you knew mines. It wasn’t something that happened one night and then everything was clear. It wasn’t like in those romantic comedies that we saw together when you were learning about the modern world. It was the most scariest revelation that I didn’t want to accept. But it happened.

And I slowly accepted that I was in love. And that it was going to hurt because there was not chance that you could love me back. I was a broken person. The result of manipulations and lies. The spy that didn’t know another thing that wasn’t sleep with who it was required to obtain information. I was damaged and Steve Rogers, the one who wanted a family, the one who never give up in anything couldn’t possibly feel the way I was feeling. But I stayed by your side. Even when it looked like it wasn’t I was always by your side.


When the accords thing happened the only thing that I wanted was to keep the only family I had together. I didn’t want the only thing good in my life, the thing that gave me hope and made me feel like I belonged to something good to fall apart.

I tried the best I could but it didn't work. Everything fell apart. And I lost my family. I was divided. Everyone was taking sides. But I couldn’t. My mind was with Tony but my heart has always been with you, Steve. I will always choose you even when it looks like I don’t. That’s the reason I let you and Barnes go in the airport. I knew everything was going to get worse. And I couldn’t lose you. And that was the moment I knew. I would follow you to the end of the earth. Always.


After that I went after you. Because I couldn’t be away for you. We were partners. Best friends. And I couldn’t afford to lose the only person that would understand me. And I found you.

And it happened. Sometimes I still think it was a dream. That my mind was playing with me. That you couldn’t fall in love with someone like me. But you loved me.Not the black widow. Not the body. You loved every part of Natasha Romanoff. And that night I felt like maybe the pieces that were broken could heal. Maybe I did have a chance after all. Maybe I wasn’t just someone useful just for missions. Maybe I was worthy. And you made me feel new. You helped me to heal, Steve. And I hope that I helped you too. I know that I haven’t had a nightmare since I sleep with you. And in the rare nights that I get one I don’t wake up alone. You are always there.


I know that you haven’t had nightmares in a while too. Please, if after this you feel like you are going to have one again, go to James. I will be there with you. Always. Even if you can’t see me. I’m always gonna be there. I’m not leaving you.


When I found out about James. That was one of the best days of my life. I didn’t think it was possible. But then we found out. And I cried. Because maybe life was showing me that I deserved to be happy. I was already happy. But James make me feel something new. A new kind of love. A different love. And I couldn’t be more thankful that I got to live and share this experience with you. Thank you, Steve. For James. For our family. For choosing to stay with me and giving us an opportunity. Thank you, my love. I don’t believe a lot in fate but I know for sure that you are my soulmate.


I know you might not understand this right now. But please, don’t blame anyone. Don’t blame yourself. I know it’s not easy. But do it for me. I might be asking too much, and maybe I’m being selfish but you are not alone. And will never be. Be there for James, he needs you now more than ever. Please, always remind him that his mother loves him more than anything in the world. That he is my little miracle and that I will never let anything happen to him. Wherever I am I will be his guardian angel. Your guardian angel.I couldn’t be more proud to be his mother. Let him remind you of me.You will always have me through him.

Always.


Call it fate, luck, or whatever you want, but if there is one thing I know for sure is that you are the right partner. My right partner. And that wherever I am, I’m going to continue being yours.
Don’t ever doubt that. I love you. In any place,time or dimension I will always be yours. I will always follow you. I will always love you. You were the one who taught me how to love.


The heart of Natasha Romanoff, the spy,the agent, the black widow will always belong to one men. This heart and his last beat will be for the ones who saved her. The ones who loved her. For her team, her family. But specially, for the men who never give up on her. For her true love. For Steve Rogers. Not Captain America, not the superhero. The one behind the costume. The one who saw behind my mask. The one who knew Natasha Romanoff, the little girl chased by nightmares, the woman that didn’t believe in love until she find you, the one who cried herself to sleep, the one afraid of her own past.

Thank you, Steve. For always believe in me, for never leave me. For love me. I loved our history. The one of the soldier and the spy. The one that is going to be forever.


See you in a minute, my soldier.

 

Nat.

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