I feel like I've been losing my mind lately. I am quite literally having a breakdown in fact. I keep looking for words to explain myself but I'm just too tired to do so. I ended up writing a poem but I wasn't sure where to post it. Ultimately i put it in my poem book "Life in poetry." It was more of a rant than a poem but oh well. What worries me is I still feel shitty. Depression really takes a toll on you. I'm not empty or sad or mad, at this point I'm just bitter. I find myself blaming everyone, myself included. I hate every aspect of life and it's all just giving me pain. I want to give up on all the high expectations I had for myself but my anxiety won't let me. I just want to say fuck it sometimes but my anxiety says no. My depression wants to die and my anxiety is scared to. I feel like I'm stuck in the middle. Sure my mental illness doesn't define me but it has definite power over me. I cannot be more than my disease if my disease rules my life.
I'm sorry that this chapter got really personal and bitter. I just really needed to rant. It sucks feeling like the rope in a game of tug-of-war. I can feel my symptoms getting worse but I'm also thinking of stopping therapy. Maybe that will be my next post? Comment if you would like to know why I no longer believe in therapy.
Xoxo
~fatsotheawesome 🕊
YOU ARE READING
A More Personal Approach
Non-FictionMy thoughts have a tendency to consume me and manifest itself until it becomes me. I'm writing this book so I can relieve myself of some of my thoughts. Other things you may see in this book are my personal opinions on certain topics and experiences...
