Marie

Dread

Please re-read. I added some more to this chapter and made some corrections.

           Going to the counselor's is catastrophic for a young teenage girl like me.(13 years old) The thing that she can ask me in a hour... The awful things going on in my life are unbearable at times. I am sitting in the waiting room with my mom.

         I start twirling my long brown hair getting very anxious. The thought of being in a small woman I don't even know, talking about my life and problems; very unsettling.

        First, because I'm slightly claustrophobic. Second, my horrible social anxiety. Third, the horrifying thought of having a panic attack and people trying to help, but really, they're just making it worse. Last but not least, being forced to talk about the things i think on a daily basis.

        It's about three-fourths of the way into the school year, early 2014. I'm scared of the New Year and don't know why. 

        I go to a very small school where everyone knows everyone, Deckerville High School. 

        Since I live in town, school is only two blocks away from my house, but still, I usually get a ride every day from my dad. Sometimes he leaves early and I end up having to walk, but that's okay i guess.

        I hate having to go to school. It's like a bucket of melancholy. Even though it's a small school my social anxiety is still deplorable. 

        Every single morning before school i feel like I am on fire and that I'm going to lose my dinner. Not a good feeling. Even though I feel like this I still get up, get ready, and push myself out the door. 

        I don't really go anywhere besides school. Sometimes to my friend's house for awhile, barely ever to spend the night though. Once every month to go to both my grandparents for a get together. Otherwise, once to Walmart every weekend with my mom and that's pretty much it...

        It's sad that everywhere I go I'm always so nervous of messing up on something, embarrassing myself, or just doing anything wrong.

        I have to go to the counselors in Sandusky. Why might you ask? Because there is barely anything in the small town of Deckerville.

        It gets rather dreary and lonely. I'm not complaining though. I would hate to live in a big city.

         This is my first time ever going to the counselors. 

          I am the type of person who doesn't like to talk to people about my problems. Big or small. I don't even ask people questions on homework. The thought of someone thinking "shes stupid" or maybe they don't want to help me. I hate bugging people with my problems.

         I want to be strong and independent. Going to the counselor's makes me feel weak and pathetic. I don't want the help.

         I want to deal with it on my own... What if people judge me about it?  The horrible vision of someone being so rude to me. I can't help it. Trust me. I wish I could.

        What would life be like without all these horrible thoughts? Oh, how much life would be different... Maybe too different.        

        If I didn't think anything bad i wouldn't be here though. Maybe then i would be an exceptional kid who hasn't done anything wrong. Maybe  my parents would be so proud, instead of so disappointed. Maybe hen i would feel like... Like i was actually good enough.

        i wonder what that feels like...

        A woman , maybe in her thirties, came out of the little room.

        "Hello," she greeted." Would you two come in?" She gestured to the both of us...

        Whatcha think? Should i even go on or is it not worth it? If you thought it was a pretty good beginning you should share it! If you do we can be friends... Heck if you read all the way to here were friends! Bye, love :*