Passing Through

Chapter 14: Uncontrollable

   It had been a week since I had come to The Raven's mansion.

  One week since I had been at school. One week since I had seen my teachers.

  Three weeks since I had seen my family.

   Mom, Dad, and Vanessa. I missed them with all my heart. I couldn't even express how much.

 It had been a week since I had seen my cousins and friends. Reese. Nikki. Brandy. Ginny. Ryder.

  I wasn't sure if Gwen was included in that group anymore. Even if she was for sure, though, I had seen her a few times around the mansion anyway. A little glimpse of blue eyes around a corner, the sight of a pale face through a window, a strand of shoulder-length blond hair nestled in the hallway carpet. Little signs that reminded me that she was still there.

   I hadn't talked to her since her outburst in the garden. Every time I saw a flash of blond hair around a corner, I would pause, wondering if I should run or keep going my way. Lucky for me, Gwen already had her mind decided whenever she stepped into my sight. She would spin around on her heel and hurry back down the hallway she had come from, not a word from her mouth. I would then sigh quietly and keep going to wherever I was headed. I had probably seen her around maybe four of five times. It was a strain every time. 

   The days had been mainly the same. Every morning I would get up, get ready, and get going to the gym to let the wall torture me. Every day I would drag myself back to my room, my muscles sore and stiff, my determination withered. But the next day, I would still get up, my mind set and determined all over again, staying at training longer and longer each day. It seemed like a never ending cycle, but I kept telling myself it wasn't. That I would overcome that Pass one day.

And that thought was what kept me going.

  It had only been a week since I had come here, but it felt like months. I wondered how everyone else's lives were going.
If Reese and Nikki would wake up at night and gaze at the two empty beds in the dorm room. If my sister Vanessa would pause as she opened one of her thick college textbooks, and remember me flipping through the pages the last time she and I came to visit home. If Mrs. Pennington, my teacher, would hesitate as she passed by my empty seat while handing out papers in the classroom. If Ryder, who was hopefully still alive, would look up at the sky and curse himself for approaching me in the hotel lobby that day we were kidnapped. I wouldn't mind if he wished he never met me; I'd probably feel the same about him if our roles were switched. 

   It all felt like a long time ago; things that had been years since I had experienced. It wasn't all too comforting, having time stretched and shaped for me. It actually scared me a bit.

   I was flopped over on my bed a few hours since I had come back from training, staring at the ceiling that was painted to mimic a beautiful night sky. I tried to make lines and shapes out of the stars, to make some sense of the clusters of lights. Just like what I was trying to do with my life. Trying to make sense of it all.

   I made outlines of triangles and hexagons, my mind trying to piece together the painting like it was a broken puzzle. I didn't get too far, but I kept trying, having nothing else to distract myself with. After my head started pounding, however, I gave up, closing my eyes and rolling over onto my stomach. Enough of the mind games.

   Too bad my whole life seems like one.

  I rubbed my cheek against the fluffy pillow closest to my face, trying to push away the bad thoughts. No time for pessimistic thoughts. No gain from them, either. I had to stay positive and stay on goal. That was the mentality I had adopted during my week stuck in here. And I'll admit it did do good for me.