Cold

Chapter nine: Who the hell?

Variel stared at Kai while Kai stared at him. Lucifer, Three, Lillian, there weren't able to be seen in this fae warrior standing before him. Kai corrected himself, Lucifer was there. He could see it in the haunted expression that was held in Variel's eyes. Lillian must be there too, he reasoned, because of the jacket. There was no way Lucifer would willing be nice to someone. Not without a price. As for Three, Kai could see the burns tracing the marks on Variels' arms. So this was what a merge looked like. He was someone else too, Kai realized. The ears and teeth, the sharp teeth that looked as if it had eaten flesh wasn't entirely human.

Variel was staring at Kai as if it were the first time he'd seen him. And it seemed like it. There were parts of Kai that seemed familiar, parts that he knew and wanted to protect. But he also seemed different. New. And Variel didn't know how he felt about him. For once, the voices had no input. He blinked, a strong feeling washing over him. He shifted his gait as he walked away from Kai. It was strong, with a hidden smirk.
"Who are you right now?" Kai asked. Variel hissed and bared his teeth.

"I am me." He growled. "I'm me." Kai blinked.

"I thought-" 

"You thought what?" Variel mocked. "You thought that I had split personalities? You thought that Lillian and Lucifer were still in me? Just waiting to be pulled out?" He asked. "You thought wrong. There aren't any split personalities. There's just me. No Three, just me." He growled.
"Then what's your favorite color?" Kai asked.
"Red."

"Favorite book?"
"I don't read."
"What's your fear?" Kai asked.

"I don't have one." Variel growled.
"Everyone has at least one fear." Kai said, rolling his eyes.
"Then what's yours?" Variel snarled, suddenly in Kai's face and looking down at him. Kai met his eyes and began to cry. They were silent tears, but they trickled down his face slowly. Variel stared into Kai's eyes as he cried.

"Don't pretend to know me." Variel hissed.
"Then let me know you." Kai whispered.

"You'll regret it." Variel growled.

"I promise I won't. I will always love you." Kai whispered.

"You promise?"
"I promise." Kai said. "I promise that you won't be forgotten, or ignored." Variel opened his eyes wide.

"How did you know-"

"I know things." Kai smiled weakly.

"You sure about your promise?" Varial asked. He looked at Kai, inspecting the muscle movements so minor that normally he never would have picked up. 

"I promise."

Variel turned away and stalked out of the cave. "Where are you going?" Kai yelled. Variel just flipped Kai off as he headed into the forest.

Variel stormed through the forest, rage burning through him like a wildfire. How dare he! How dare Kai suggest that he could begin to understand him! How dare that bastard pretend like he won't just steal his heart and rip it to shreds! How dare Kai make promises that he doesn't keep! Promises aren't just something people say! It's a commitment. And it burned into his soul. He knew that Kai wouldn't hold the kind of power it would take. Variel knew that Kai couldn't begin to understand that time no longer worked for him. That, when it's been an hour or two to Kai, it's been several lifetimes to Variel. And the stupid promise. Variel roared at some snakes in the earth, and snapped twigs angrily. He promised that he wouldn't be forgotten or ignored. Yet- Yet that's exactly how it felt in that cave. LIke Kai didn't have any clue on earth who he was. It was as if they were strangers. Variel came across a wild wolf who bared its teeth at him, and he growled back.
"You're not wrong you know." Variel froze. That voice-
"Jess?" He asked, turning around.
"You won't be able to see me Luci." Jess's voice echoed.

"Are you okay?" He asked, Looking anyway.
"But Kai's his own person. You can't have such high expectations." Jess said. "He's only human."
"And I'm a monster." Variel said, sitting down. "But that doesn't mean that I leave him in the middle of a conversation, or that I don't answer his questions. Not that he even had any." He spit out.
"You have your own faults darling." Jess said gently.
"But his hurts me." Variel sighed.
"And how do you think Kai feels? All three of the people he trusted most in this world have now become one. It's confusing." Jess responded.

"Then why does he never ask me questions?" Variel asked. "If he loved me he would want to know me."

"Have you given him the chance?" Jess scolded.

"I don't just go around handing out pieces of paper listing my likes and dislikes." Variel snapped. "It's not like he asks any questions."

"Maybe it just doesn't occur to him." Jess suggested. Variel looked up at the sky.
"That's what hurts."
"Why?" Jess asked.

"Because it means that he doesn't care enough to get to know me." Variel answered. "I'm not entirely a monster," He sighed.
"Then show him that." Jess said gently.

"How?" Variel asked. "I've tried flirting, I've tried being funny, I've even tried a different language!"

"Have you now," Jess said wondering. "Then I guess you're just too shitty for him."
"Now we're on the same page." Variel said.
"He doesn't seem to make time for you unless you Request it like some library book." Jess chuckled. "He's a moron."

"Don't say that." Variel said miserably.

"You said so yourself, you gave him a chance." Jess shrugged. "He's just a worthless worm." 

"No he's not." Variel sighed. "I didn't give him a chance. I just said I did to protect myself." 

"Protect you from what?" Jess asked. "From loving?" 

"From being hurt." 

"You won't know true love until you put it all on the line." 

"Thanks for that." Variel shrugged. 

"You're welcome." Jess answered. "But why shouldn't I say it?" 

"Because he's the best person on this planet. In both worlds." Variel sighed.
"Why are you defending him if he hurts you?" Jess asked. Variel stared at her with wide eyes as he felt all three of the people inside his shattered mind come together. He shrugged and looked at a tree. 

"Because I love him."