Un Souvenir d'Événements

Consequences and Tribulations

As the door of the cell was slammed shut and locked multiple times behind me, I was beginning to get the distinct impression that the Shah no longer liked me.

The trick, I had found, was to remain calm. Those who tortured for enjoyment wanted one thing: a reaction. I'd learnt that incredibly early on in my life, and it had often been the reason that Fitz would be a little harsher on me. But my stubborn nature remained and even now as I paced about the cell slowly, my past had taught me nothing.

However, in this case, I'd managed to buy myself a little more time, though it had been no difficult task to do so. The men whom I'd been pitted against were brutes without a logical braincell between them. They may have looked impressive and strong, but they were lacking the vital intellect they needed to gain any kind of leeway against me. Their deaths were unfortunate, but none were a significant loss to the world.

I paced and pondered my next actions, trying to predict also what the Shah's next steps would be. I had been incarcerated once more, but it no longer frightened me as it once had, for I now had more power than I had ever possessed as a child, but what's more, I knew how and went to exercise it. The power rested upon people underestimating me, and thus far, it had worked, the white masks of shock that had adorned the faces of those above me proved that.

My drawbacks however resided in other forms. Suddenly being without my much needed dose of opium had weakened me in more ways than one, my instincts came naturally to me, but otherwise, it was incredibly difficult for me to harness my mind and focus it as I usually would.

I was becoming desperate. I could feel my control slipping through my fingers as primal desire and desperation forced itself upon me, an overwhelming need for my release, my freedom, in any way possible; freedom from this cage, the Shah, opium, even death began to appeal to me.

Losing Nadir had perhaps acted as the final nail in my coffin, he had given me hope, and something to remain alive and fighting for, without him I found my freedom somewhat less appealing, I cared less for myself, less for others, but then at times I could remain incredibly selfless.

I continued to stumble through many unlit hallways in my mind, unsure where the escape was as I groped around in the dark, searching for a light, praying for someone to rescue me. But, of course, no one could. No one but myself. It was that desperation, that primal need for release that drove me to descend into the state that Nadir described in his entry. Truth be told, I remember little of it. I was in a daze, possessed by some dark force within me that even I was not aware of.

Opting to act as my own saviour, I moved myself to the back of the cell, sitting against the wall with my hands beneath my chin, staring at the guards outside. They squirmed and exchanged glances with one another, but despite staring at them, I saw nothing. I'd retreated into my own mind, a trick I had often resorted to during my years in the fair when the crowds had arrived. I saw nothing, heard nothing and felt nothing in that state, the world ceased to exist around me, but meanwhile the men outside began to fear me as my absent body continued to stare blankly ahead at them.

I was roused from this state the following morning as a familiar voice pierced my ears. Lifting my head slightly, I looked up, and to my surprise, saw Nadir talking to the two guards and dismissing them. I cannot explain the war of emotions that was waging in my heart as I saw him again. One half ached for the friend and companion he had been to me, the brother I'd loved, but the other half felt the strong desire to tighten my hands around his throat and throttle the life out of him.

My eyes rested upon him until he turned and began to walk towards the cages whereupon I swiftly averted my gaze to the floor. It had been difficult enough to see him stood above me in the courtyard, practically fuzed to the Shah's hip; truly it had made my blood boil, and that anger had evidently fuelled my animalistic actions, judging my Nadir's account of events.

I sensed we were alone. The methodical shuffling of the guards feet and general aura I was able to sense was absent. I heard his footsteps draw near and stop on the other side of the bars as his footfalls scuffed and a small swirl of dust floated around me on the floor. My eyes did not move from their fixed position as I heard him sigh slightly. I had no interest in giving him the satisfaction of seeing the true emotion my eyes so often betrayed.

"...Erik..."

He murmured at length. I closed my eyes, but I could not block out his voice, I could do it with anyone else, but not him. Silence made the air thick and stifling, and I prayed that he would break it, though for a while he didn't say a word. He moved again and I saw his shadow become shorter and more defined upon the floor, I assumed he'd sat down.

"I don't want you dead, I do not agree with the Shah's ways, all I want... All I want is to uncover the truth."

"The truth? I told you the truth on the night I ran."