Shadows From the Abyss

Acid Tongue

Drop panel ceilings and shitty wood paneling are a lot more appealing when you're on acid. You don't mind the dingy carpet you're laying on, and Will He by Joji doesn't quite beat you in the heart when you're sky high. The clammy December air creeping in through the drafty windows doesn't chill your fingers as bad as it would sober. This was...nice.

"What in the hell are we listening to?" Justin asked, unable to remove his eyes from the dots floating on the wall ahead of him.

"Just shut up and feel it," Shawn mumbled in response, watching the colors dance on the ceiling above him.

Andrew sat forward slowly in his recliner and reached for a can of Yuengling on the coffee table. "It's best when he's chain smoking in the rain while wearing a tuxedo."

"He was in a bathtub full of blood," Shawn mumbled, his head swimming with the slow beat of the music.

"It's always awful," Justin protested.

"Shut up," Andrew replied, cracking his beer open and settling back before taking a swig.

The three were lying around Andrew's living room, drowning their sorrows with drugs and cheap beer and 'deep' conversations. Things weren't good. They hadn't been for months. Art had pulled away from all of them. He promised he wouldn't; he lied. Dodging calls, not answering the door when they tried to check on him, he had changed the locks and was almost impossible to find for days on end. It had been over two months since he and Shawn had had a civil, peaceful and loving conversation. It had been well over a month since either had been sober for more than twenty-four hours.

Shawn lay there, fingers laced together over his chest, blue eyes fully dilated as he watched blues and reds melt together to become magnificent shades of purple rippling around the yellowed overhead light. This was much more enjoyable than tripping with Joey in April. His heart finally didn't hurt, his eyes were dry for the first time in days, his throat wasn't raw from screaming; calm was so much better.

When you smile
I'll bring you back
And now I'm sad
And I'm a mess
And now we high
That's why I left
That's why I left

They were supposed to go to California in two days, how stupid was that? Two days after they returned from Kentucky they had agreed it'd be nice to spend Christmas and New Years with Shawn's family, keeping Art distracted from the existential sadness they knew was going to crash down on him. Hell, he had a beautiful new drum kit waiting for him out there that Shawn and Tre had designed just for him. Everything had been so great; he had been coping and trying to express his feelings; but picking up a bottle and yelling was easier than being vulnerable.

Will your tongue still remember the taste of my lips?
Will your shadow remember the swing of my hips?
Will your lover caress you the way that I did?
Will you notice my charm if he slips up one bit?

He had always been so gentle and sweet. The worst he would do was a snarky grin and comment before rolling his beautiful brown eyes and replying 'whatever makes you happy, love.' That had been replaced with anger and being called a stupid bitch, eye rolls of annoyance and agitation, and suddenly shutting down. The final straw was the night he had jumped up, threw a glass against the door and screamed 'You have no fucking idea what I'm going through' before shoving Shawn out the door and slamming it on him.

'Cause I don't need to know
I just wanna make sure you're okay
I don't need to know
I just wanna make sure you're all safe
All safe, all safe

Shawn had run into Andrew and Justin in the parking lot and tried to tell them what happened between sobs. After having to hold Justin back from going up there and beating Art into the floor, they made a pact not to tell anyone what was going on and to keep each other company until Art pulled his shit together, if he ever did. Jayce was the only other person who knew how bad things had gotten, and that was only because he immediately saw Shawn regressing. Barely able to keep eye contact, anxious and fidgeting, barely speaking, overly emotional, if he slept at all there was a vivid nightmare that he would awake from screaming. The only relief he got was from the Klonopin Justin would give him every few days to knock him out.