Shadows From the Abyss

Funeral

Art laid in the dark, staring up at the fan blades swirling overhead, the streetlight outside shining through the thin, sleek curtains over the tall window and illuminating the green walls. His internal clocked kicked over to four-thirty. He had to get up in two hours to iron out his uniform, shine his shoes, and get ready for the service at ten. He turned and looked at Shawn, who was sound asleep beside him on the other side of the king sized bed. He envied him right now, wishing he was able to shut his brain up and go to sleep. Instead, he went back to watching the fan blades whirl above him.

When the alarm in his head ticked to four forty-five, he gave up and forced himself from the bed, pulling on sneakers and hoodie and grabbing his phone and headphones. Might as well get the morning workout over with. He found a note pad in the kitchen and jotted down a note for Shawn in case he woke up before he got back and placed it on the bedside table before silently slipping out the front door. While he was stretching, he put in earbuds and started his workout playlist. Start with Love Runs Out by One Republic to set the pace, and then run through Tupac, Kendrick Lamar, Childish Gambino, push-ups and a forty-five second plank with Foster the People, then more running to Gnarls Barkley and Panic! At the Disco. On days where he wasn't profusely sweating by then, if he could find something sturdy enough to support his weight, he'd work in pull ups and upper body exercises while Johnny Cash blasted in his ears, and then finally cool down with Eric Clapton. It was timed to a T and this morning was working perfectly as he ran from his own inner monologue around Butchertown in the late September early morning chill. But as he was turning onto Story Avenue to return to the house, a sharp pain stabbed into the already weak muscles in his lower left leg, sending him stumbling and falling onto the concrete of the sidewalk. "Mother fucker!"

As he laid there on his side, his heart thundering in his ears as Layla finally ended, the silence finally allowed his brain to catch up with him. Good job, jackass, you over did it! You better not have just broken something. Really hope you're not too sore to carry that casket today.

"Shut the fuck up," Art groaned to himself, drawing a hissing breath through clenched teeth as he tried and failed to sit up.

Don't forget you're burying your daddy today, Miller. You better be able to walk or it's about to be a worse day than it already is! Your sister, your mother, everyone who's already so disappointed in you will just be let down again. All because you're a fucking failure.

"I said shut up!" He forced himself bolt upright, the muscles in his core screaming in protest. "I'm fine! It'll be fine!" With shaking, shallow breaths, he tried to breathe through the shooting pain that was now rocketing through his entire left side. It took three attempts but he finally pulled himself to his feet. Slowly and unsteadily, he limped the rest of the way back to the house, cursing under his breath as he stumbled up the steps and punched in the door code.

Hot water will help, he thought to himself as he slowly slumped down the front hall. It'll be fine; you can still do this. Just because you're hurt doesn't make you a failure. As he approached the bathroom, he saw a faint light coming from under the closed door. Shawn was awake; great. Art leaned against the archway, waiting, trying to slow his breathing.

The door finally opened, revealing a barely awake Shawn rubbing his eyes and yawning. He was absolutely adorable with his Reptar pajama bottoms, barely open blue eyes and short bed head. He had been thoughtful enough to finally get a haircut after nine months of growing his hair out before they came up for the funeral. He had warned Art, however, as soon as it was cut, he'd look just like his father; and dammit if he wasn't right. "You okay?" He mumbled, a look of sleepy concern crossing his face.

Art nodded, trying not to let the pain he was feeling show on his face. "Yeah, just over did it."

"Gotta be careful." Shawn took a few steps forward and wrapped his arms around his boyfriend, resting his head on his chest. "Come back to bed."