It's always been you (a Harry Styles fanfic)

Forgive and maybe forget

Hey everyone! I haven't updated in ten months (I'm so sorry). I'm pretty sure no one even cares anymore if I update it or not but if you do: here's a new part. Enjoy! please let me know what you think of it :)

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An hour and 2 coffees later, Zayn had finally convinced me to do what I should've done a long time ago. Forgiving Harry. A part of me had always known that I couldn't stay mad at him , but I guess I just needed someone close to Harry who could help me with it. So here we were, after a 15 minute walk, at Harry's house. Nothing, but at the same time everything had changed about it. The memories which were once blurry were now as clear as ever. This was the first time I realised how much I had missed walking down this street, seeing the old swing in the backyard and ringing the bell whose sound reminded me of coming home. I was so anxious about apologising and seeing Harry again and the only thing that kept me going was Zayn's reassuring smile and his hand on my back as he rang the doorbell. The next minute was the longest of my life. I constantly tried to wipe my hands dry on my trousers, without success. I didn't know where to look so I just looked at my shoes when suddenly I heard the door open. I looked up and stared directly into Harry's eyes. Two seconds it was silent but then Zayn spoke up.

"What's up mate, how are you doing?" He cheerfully said and patted Harry on the shoulder. Without another word he stepped into the house leaving me and Harry dumbstrucked standing in the door opening. There was, again, a silence.

"I'm sorry.' We both started at the same time.

"Wait why are you sorry?" Harry frowned his eyebrows. 

"I... I should've listened to you. I didn't even give you a chance to talk and that was stupid of me." I stared at my sweaty hands when, without a warning, Harry took me in his arms and gave me a strong yet perfect hug. After a second of being taken by surprise, I returned the hug.

"Don't be sorry. You did nothing wrong." He whispered in my ear. "Do you want to come in?" He asked as he let go of me. I smiled and nodded. He stepped aside and let me in with a welcoming smile. 

 After I came in he asked me about how I knew Zayn and why, all of a sudden, I was standing outside his door with him. So I told him. I let out the when and where we met because I wasn't up for another talk about my mother. After a few minutes we were both sitting nervously on his couch with a glass of soda. I looked at the picture frames hanging on the walls and standing on shelves. Some of the pictures in it were new like the picture of Harry and Anne on the day of his audition for X-factor, Gemma's graduation and two other family pictures. However, some of them were familiar like the picture of Gemma and Anne at the zoo, a naked baby picture of Harry and Harry on his first day of primary school. The last one that caught my eye was a picture of Harry and I. I was fifteen and he was already sixteen on the day it was taken. I was wearing my soccer uniform because I had just played a game with my team, Harry was wearing an outfit in the colours of my soccer team (blue and white) and on his cheeks he had written in permanent marker: 'Go Lacy'. My team and I were playing against our biggest rival that day and if we won we would win the cup. After I made a goal in the last five minutes it was 2-1 and thus our victory was real. After the whistle, which indicated the end of the game, Harry run onto the field, gave me a hug and spun me around. I could still hear him yell "You did it Lace! You were amazing!". It broke my heart because it was one of the last amazing moments we had before he left for X-factor. That's when I realized that, yes, he had apologized, but I needed so much more than that.

"I still remember that day." He said, looking at the photo, too. I only now realize that I had been staring at it for way too long. "That was a great day for you. Not so much for me because that permanent marker took forever to get off." He laughed. I didn't. I felt awkward in his presence and I had never felt like this with him before. That's how I knew something was still wrong. I hadn't forgiven him yet because he hadn't given me a good reason for his behavior. And I needed one.

"Harry..." I started and the smile on his face faded slowly. 

"I'm sorry." He said again.

"I know. You've already said that. You just haven't given me an explanation yet." Tears started to form in my eyes as I was remembering all the times Harry ignored my calls and texts and how brutally he pushed me out of his new life.

"I... It's hard to explain. There was a lot going on at that time and everything was changing." He sounded ashamed.

"Why did our friendship have to change?  Was I not good enough for you anymore? Not famous enough? Not --" I raised my voice but he cut me off.

"I was in love with you Lace!" He yelled. I  looked at him as if I had just seen a ghost. How could he have been in love with me? Why is he lying about this?

"What are you talking about? How? Why didn't you tell me?" I said slowly, anxious for the answer.

"Do you want the whole story?"

"That'd be nice." I was desperate for answers now. With every second I was getting more and more confused. Harry took a deep breath and started telling his story.

"I started developing feelings for you about six months before X-factor. I was already in love with you when that picture was taken." He points with his thumb to the picture of us behind him. " Sometimes I thought that you felt the same way, but most of the time I knew that you'd never love me. That's why I never said anything." He was staring at his hands but then looked up at me with a sad smile on his face. " I was so in love with you Lacy and I had no idea what to do about it. Whenever we were together I was both overjoyed and miserable. Then when X-factor came we didn't see each other for such a long time. We still talked everyday but I missed having you by my side so much it was taking over me and I didn't know how to deal with it. After X-factor, when I came back home, my feelings were still as strong as they were before and for a while I felt good again because I wasn't missing you all the time. Then One Direction happened and I started traveling a lot for performances, recordings, interviews and so on. I was away from you again, missing you again, being miserable again. There's only so much a person can take until they completely break. And I broke. Every text you sent me, every skype call broke me a little bit more because it was just a reminder that you weren't there with me. So I didn't push you away and shut you out because I didn't care anymore. It's because I cared too much."