Penny For Your Thoughts?

05.08.2019/// little joey pt. 3

Yes I am finally accepting my crush on Chris to be true but no, I will never in my life directly tell him that.

Why hasn't anyone found a way to tell your crush you like them without actually telling them or embarrassing yourself in any other way?

You don't know?

Yeah, me neither.

I didn't even sleep all night because my stupid brain kept thinking of Chris. And I have not one single clue why it keeps thinking of him when I haven't even known the guy that long. I can't possibly be forming strong feelings this soon. Is that even possible? I've literally had like two conversations with him. What is wrong with me?

Is it my heart? Is it turning too soft too soon?

I place a hand on my chest trying to feel the thumping like it'll answer my questions.

Or is it my brain? Is it all in my head?

I knock on my head for an answer but  to no avail. Sigh.

Sleepless nights make me stupid.

And now it's almost 7 am. I have nothing to do. Might as well make breakfast.

I throw on an oversized sweater because it's too cold to exit the warmth of my blankets just in my pajamas and I slowly pad down the stairs trying not to wake up Riley and Mike yet.

Entering the kitchen I rummage through the fridge to find some eggs and veggies for an omellete.

As I place the ingredients on the counter a little lightbulb flashes on top of my head.

What if...I make some cookies. And I pretend like they're for Riley, Mike and I but I also happen to make more than enough and I give some to Chris. That way I can satisfy my need for an interaction with him and bring myself the happiness I would never get again because he won't ever share the same feelings as me.

Oh I'm so smart. Or maybe I'm so fucking dumb that I don't realize how stupid this idea can be and how everything can come back slapping me in the face.

But I'm quirky like that so I won't back out now. Hehe.

I shake off all the thoughts I have and take out everything I need for some simple chocolate chip cookies just like my grandma made. At least I'm smart enough to remember the recipe.

I place the eggs, vegetables and pan I took for the omellete aside to save them for later.

If I hit myself with this pan will rational thoughts come back to me?

No?

K.

This time I really push aside every thought I have to focus on making these cookies perfectly. I don't realize that maybe that wasn't a good idea because a while later I jump up in fear when my sister drops a bottle on the ground next to me.

"RILEY." I scream.

"Oops?" She giggles forcefully.

"I swear to the God that I don't even know exists Riley..." I start as I grip the spoon in my hand and raise it up in threat.

"Sorry baby bro. You just looked so into whatever you're doing, I didn't wanna bother you. But I accidentally dropped my bottle." She explains herself and I sigh, giving up on being angry.

"Whatcha doin' there anyway?" She then skips next to me and asks.

"Nothing." I flail my arms around to distract her from looking at the mess.

"Awwwww come on Joeyyyyy, tell mee." She stomps her feet and whines.

"Just some cookies. Geez." I try and act cool.